workplace anxiety and disability issues is getting in the way, at a total loss

Stellar

i've been trying to put into words how my workplace anxiety effects me cause after starting another course and getting more theory done i'm seeing that i can do self employment but my anxiety is the biggest barrier i have.

i had written this down earlier (edited  for brevity and to omit personal info). but for context, i'm autistic with adhd / cptsd etc. and i've been out of work for 2 years this month.

The issue I'm having is that when there are times I zone out and be “unprofessional” as a result due to my disability, I will make social mistakes that lead to me being let go. Like last week at a course I was so tired and overstimulated I said “I’m not able to do anything at the moment” very loudly and ended up having to walk out because I was exhausted. I could not control how I come across as a result.

It’s these kinds of situations that aren’t appropriate for the workplace and I fear that when these slipups happen it would trigger me being managed out. Or alternatively, I end up making a well meaning or bad decision without knowing it and causing offense.

Likewise, I fear having any form of professional presence online as I may break the unwritten social rules of the world of work without realising that may leads to me losing my career because of backlash and people thinking I know what I’m doing and know what is expected of me at all times (which is impossible for me).

working for someone else feels like torture to me. it reminds me of past trauma where if i wanted to torture myself i'd return to live with my abusive family who never wanted me to succeed to work). I don’t know how to practically address these issues other than have a job with minimal social interaction with others (or I can very strictly control how I come across, such as with pre-recorded videos or podcasts).

One reason I lost my last job is cause I need a lot of help to understand what is expected of me and where I am in comparison to where I should be and in that job I was completely oblivious until I was told directly. It turns out I was so far behind where I should be that my colleagues were doing lots of my tasks for me and it was eventually easier for them to let me go as I had become a burden. whereas i thought i was doing well and had exceeded my own expectations.

If I was not told, I would have never known until years later if at all, but many employers will expect me to know these rules. It took well me over a year to realise my line manager / HR were going through the usual process of managing an employee out in my case (ie. By collecting written evidence to cover their back, give me unrealistic goals for me to meet) and that was only cause I watched YouTube videos.
 
I cannot see any employer being willing to accommodate my needs (and my anxiety amplifies this) and there will still be more I don’t know about. As it is, they had told me they ere concerned about me staying in the job incase I developed “more issues later on” and I’m guessing this is in part what they were referring to. All the advice i’ve seen is aimed at neurotypicals and is useless to me. I’m autistic so work will always be difficult for me and I’ll be constantly struggling to monitor my conduct.

I'm at a total loss on how to navigate the workplace and a lot of the advice i get on google is to be frank, useless (largely cause its aimed at NTs). and i don't care what the law says cause i have no faith in the law and i've been priced out of any form of justice. reasonable accommodations are basically whatever the employer thinks is reasonable which can be nothing if they so desire. 

if anyone who has been in this position has any relevant ideas i'd appreciate it. which means nothing to do with the law, tyhe typical advice you'd find on google, and nothing about institutions that are supposed to help (on paper) anyway. i have to go self employed to protect myself and migrate from this cesspit of a country as soon as possible.

Alex_Alumni

Hi @Stellar, firstly, well done for sharing how you're feeling about work. Talking about it is very hard to do, so that's positive to see. 

I can understand why you're feeling frustrated with advice online. A lot of the world isn't designed for neuro atypical people, and so this puts them at a disadvantage from the start. This isn't fair on you, and it's important to remember it's not your fault.

Have you had a look at Scope's Employment Services? They're all designed for working age disabled people, so hopefully you can find some help there. 

I've also marked your post as unanswered so the community can find it more easily.

If you have any feedback, or would like any additional support please don't hesitate to ask.

Alex

Ross_Alumni

Hi @stellar and thanks for posting, the world of work can be a tricky one to navigate, and I'm sorry that it hasn't been a smoother experience for you so far. 

I think, when going in to any new employment, it's always best to be as honest and open as possible to the new employer about hwo your conditions impact you - so that they know from the start that you may need a bit more support or patience with certain things. Most employers will care primarily about your ability to do the job, and if they are hiring you then they obviously think you are very much capable.

It shows good initiative to start a conversation around your conditions and what adjustments you may need, because it shows them that you've thought about it and can provide them with some solutions without them doing much thinking.

However of course, self-employment is an ever more popular route for people to go down, with good reason. I'm sure that if you have an idea of the sort of work you would like to do there's no reason why you can't be successful with it. Scope have an information page about trying self-employment, which you can find here.

Stellar said:

working for someone else feels like torture to me. it reminds me of past trauma where if i wanted to torture myself i'd return to live with my abusive family who never wanted me to succeed to work). I don’t know how to practically address these issues other than have a job with minimal social interaction with others (or I can very strictly control how I come across, such as with pre-recorded videos or podcasts).


 

I just wanted to ask about this section of your post, where you mention having an abusive family. I'm sorry to hear that they were abusive, what did they do that caused you so much distress?

Dan198523

For additional ideas on avenues to support you can get for your day to day work , message me , would be happy to discuss the specifics of your case and what you may be entitled to claim for . Regards Dan