Churchill’s “black dog”, what to do when it starts to return? — Scope | Disability forum
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Churchill’s “black dog”, what to do when it starts to return?

Glen1981
Glen1981 Member Posts: 13 Listener
Hi again Scope community

In am still struggling, on my second lot of group therapy now (this time with Apple A Day) and tonight I’ve started getting worse and thought I’d share and look for advice.

I don’t call it a black dog, for me I imagine a cold black hole deep in my stomach, freezing cold and empty, it gives me the shivers and takes all my happiness and energy and hope and pulls it out of my grasp.

It was there from my early teenage years right up to my grandads death 7 years ago, when I managed to use that grief to flip it, it became a warm star of light, hot and pouring all that love and energy into me, full of happy memories and reassurance. 

But tonight I even lost that. It was back, and it has been for a while. But I just noticed it there, cold and dark as ever, cold and hungry for all the positive thoughts in my head, all my dreams and hopes and plans. Tonight I saw it again.

Maybe it is a good thing, maybe when you can manifest your “black dog” you can deal with it. Or maybe it’s a bad sign and it’s just an old daily pain that is back to torment me.

I don’t know. 

But it has been over a year now of being at my worst, and it’s exhausting. 

It does feel like a turning point tonight though. So I’ll be thinking of that star and my grandad and all the happy things in my life and hoping that the black hole doesn’t eat it all up.

sleep well everyone, I know I will be trying to.

and thanks for sharing stories, I don’t post often but I do find reading posts helpful, and I hope this may help others who are feeling similar pain


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