Help with relationship — Scope | Disability forum

Help with relationship

GulaJawa Member Posts: 1 Listener
Hi,I'm 42 and l have limited mobility.My partner is 59,has been working full time for a year and is my carer.We have been together for eleven years.
He has been less & less interested in sex/foreplay/anything sexual for a long time and it bas stopped completely sincequite some time.l honestly prefer playing to sex anywayas l don't lime getting sore for 30 seconds of bad intercourse.
I was brought up that communication is key.
He is almost impossible to communicate with.
I want an actual relationship not a carer who sleeps in my bed.
Am l entitled to still want a decent relationship even if l can't do anything in a house to pull my weight?
I'm still contributing by means of the house & car and PIP.
I don't know what to do.
I don't think l love him any more and l don't feel loved.
He never changes,he doesn't keep his promises.He's paying lip service and thinks taking me shopping for shiny things(my money when I'm well enough(rately)counts as something meaningful!No emotional support,no social life,no sex life,no fun.Nothing.I'm at the end of my tether tbh.Thanks for listening..xx


  • PSHEexpert
    PSHEexpert Member Posts: 170 Pioneering
    Hello @GulaJawa - what an upsetting situation to find yourself in.  The first thing is that yes of course you are entitled to want a decent relationship - you say 'even if you can't do anything in a house to pull your weight'; that's not the only way someone contributes to a relationship though, and in some ways is the easiest bit to fix (come back to that in a sec).  I suppose what I would ask is, do you want to try to repair the relationship?  If it's a no, then perhaps it's time to consider your options regarding whether you stay in it or not.  However, there are practical things you could consider - could you look at having your benefits reviewed and see whether a PA might be an option to give you some independence from him regarding your care needs and also, potentially, with helping within the house?  It might support things a bit if there was more of a divide between the roles of carer and husband for your partner, and for you as well really as it would give you a bit of autonomy back.  Also if he's working full time and as your carer as well, perhaps he needs some support too?  Do you have any other support circles at all?  I'm really sorry to hear you are having such a miserable time.  It must be very difficult indeed.
    - Gill