Advice on being a caregiver

Hi,

I'm looking for some advice, or to find someone in a similar situation

It's widely believed by my wife and several others that I have Aspergers to some degree. I will try and resist the temptation to go into all the symptoms, I'm sure by the very nature of this forum that people are more than aware. I work in IT which seems to suit me fine, in that I take pride in making systems work, and if I'm brutally honest, I care very little what people think of me in pursuit of that.

After I couldn't explain why I was the only person not crying at my grandfather's funeral, then my grandmother's and finally my own mother's funeral, we decided to look into it more formally, but I was (quite literally) laughed out of the GP office.

I have complete apathy for... well, anyone if I'm quite honest. Don't get me wrong, I'm polite and courteous when I need to be, but deep down, I have no real investment in anyone. I have little to no contact with the little family I have that's still alive, and that's never bothered me. 

The biggest and only exception to this, is my wife and two children. They are my world, I see them as an extension of myself. Whilst I still may need to be nudged every now and then to actually show that I care, I do feel it. Therein lies my problem.

My wife is sick.

In the last 6 years since our first was born, she's had to face severe post-natal depression to the point of hospitalisation, chronic fatigue to the point of needing to be carried from bedroom to bathroom, and pulmonary embolisms. Through all of these, I have given positive encouragement and have been able to support her in a calm logical way - I prepare all her medication, I do her daily injections, and I have done everything needed to support her overcome her CFS, and it's worked well. I think in a way, she's valued that I can approach it so methodically.

But now she has cancer. I am more than prepared to look after her (and the kids obviously) through her surgeries, through the radiotherapy and her chemotherapy. I'm too stubborn to entertain the idea that it could end badly. This time, supporting her is different though. She needs more emotional support than I can give. Sure, she rings some local support lines of an evening where her anxiety gets too bad to cope with, and I don't take it personally. She doesn't bear any resentment towards me for not doing more. But, oh how I wish I could. I tell her it will be fine. That I will look after her, that it will be ok in the end.

But it's an empty gesture. It's a stock answer with no empathy behind it. I can sympathise that at these early stages her emotions must be going through a blender. That is to say, I'm not surprised that they are, I can't really picture what that must be like.

Is there anyone else with Aspergers, or Aspergers tendencies that has needed to step up as a caregiver, but couldn't? Any advice?

Sorry for rambling.