Coffee lounge
If this is your first visit, check out the community guide. You will have to Join us or Sign in before you can post.

It's been a bad day today..

woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 3,735 Disability Gamechanger
... But I got through it, we lost my dad 12 months ago today, and I really really miss him, the one comfort was that he was reunited with mum, they'd been together for over 60 years and he basically died of a broken heart after she died. But to top it all our son who is having some real problems (not covid related) who last year we bailed out to the tune of more than £1500 accused me of not caring because I said sorry but enough is enough fgs he's 37 almost and needs to stand on his own two feet (I'm not being harsh am i? after all our only income is benefits).
Right enough of feeling sorry for myself i'm off to bed, g'night all xx
my advice is given freely and is correct to the best of my knowledge.

Replies

  • kami24kami24 Member Posts: 365 Pioneering
    Night x yes not a good day myself as very confused about everything at the moment I had a older Indian husband 20 years older he lives miles away due to work, I'm not sure where to live, weather is awful, lack of support  and even less support etc due to covid 
  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 9,145 Disability Gamechanger
    Hope tomorrow is better day 

    I lost my dad 12 years ago and I still miss him everyday 

    As for your son I tend to agree would be reasonable if you had the resources to help 

    However it's not always about their age my mum bailed me out when I was 50 when my husband left me and my son I was working then but takes time to adjust to suddenly being single parent with the ex not paying a penny towards his young child 

    Sorry this is about you so good night have good nights rest 
  • chiariedschiarieds Member Posts: 7,959 Disability Gamechanger
    Sorry, this must have been a bad day to get through. When my Dad was dying (& after being unresponsive for a couple of weeks), many years after losing my Mum, I said go & be with her, & our youngest daughter. That was the hardest thing I ever said; he smiled then after talking to me a little, & died that night. I remember their birthdays, & have managed to blot out the dates of when I lost my parents. To me, those you love, you will carry them forever in your heart.
    No excuse, but sometimes it's (perhaps) down to your children's personalities, work ethos, or whatever. My daughter is 40, my son 34. The younger one has had a wiser head on his shoulders for about 15 years.
  • emzixoxemzixox Member Posts: 41 Connected
    So sorry hope tomorrow is a better day lost my dad 3years ago miss him everyday you just learn to cope around the grief some days will be extremely hard others ul feel brighter as for your son I don't think your being selfish at all I'm 35 and I don't ask my mum for money and with you helping him already he should be grateful that uve helped him and not expect you to bail him out I can recommend trent ptsd for coumcilimg and therapy its free and helped me massively with grief
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 3,835 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine when they are babies they break your arms when they are older they break your heart but you love just as much 

    Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and let them walk on their own for a bit 

    Hope you have a better day when you get up
  • BrettWBrettW Member Posts: 607 Pioneering
    It's always times like this that are the hardest @woodbine. Don't feel guilty about your son he is old enough to look after himself and sometimes the only way to improve a situation is to say no. 
  • CressidaCressida Member Posts: 770 Pioneering
    @woodbine anniversaries are always the hardest to get through. Your parents were very lucky to have spent 60 years together, it must be very hard to carry on after losing your companion after that amount of time. As for your son, all I will say is that children can be very ungrateful at times, we can spend our lives doing our best for our kids and then wonder why we bothered. I hope things are better after a nights' sleep. Have a good moan to senior management :)

  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 3,361 Disability Gamechanger
    edited January 29
    Hope you have a better day today @woodbine.

  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 3,735 Disability Gamechanger
    Good morning, thanks all for your messages of support and understanding John x
    my advice is given freely and is correct to the best of my knowledge.
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Posts: 4,010

    Scope community team

    I'm very sorry to hear of everyone's losses. I hope that today is a better day for you @woodbine :) 
    Online Community Coordinator, she/her

    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
  • crossycrossy Member Posts: 9 Connected
    sorry to hear of your loss, two things first i dont think you are being too harsh but its what we do as parents isnt it ? bail them out constantly. when it gets to enough is enough unless their lives or families in danger then personally i make them stand tough and deal with it.  second its awful i lost my mum a long time ago, 1991 and my dad in 1999, i miss my mum badly but dear god i miss my dad so much, im 61 now and it still hurts, i cant watch Field of dreams without blubbing like a baby, terrible.  the latest film that gets me is a new one....A boy called Sailboat... brilliant,clever and for whatever reason painful. good luck and just keep going as dory said,sort of.
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Posts: 3,334

    Scope community team

    edited January 30
    @woodbine I'm sorry you've had some painful days  :(  My other half lost his father three years ago, and we had a hard day getting through the anniversary of it this week too.  Grief is so hard and as others have said, the longing to see that person comes in ebbs and flows.  Remember your friends on the community are here for you always  <3
    Online Community Co-ordinator

    Want to tell us about your experience on the online community?  Talk to our chatbot and let us know.
  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 3,735 Disability Gamechanger
    @Cher_Scope thank you x
    my advice is given freely and is correct to the best of my knowledge.
  • WestHam06WestHam06 Member, Scope Volunteer Posts: 1,261 Pioneering
    I'm really sorry to hear of the difficult past few days you have had @woodbine and for your loss, my thoughts are with you. Thank you.
  • davis_smitdavis_smit Member Posts: 2 Listener
    @woodbine when they are babies they break your arms when they are older they break your heart but you love just as much 

    Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and let them walk on their own for a bit 

    Hope you have a better day when you get up
    Yes dear you are right.
  • 66Mustang66Mustang Member Posts: 4,648 Disability Gamechanger
    One of my family members is the same. Don’t want to mention any names or titles but I guess it’s obvious it’s a sibling.

    When I was a teenager I was very unwell and took a lot of my parents’ time up so my sibling got spoiled rotten in an attempt to make up for the time they were not having spent on them. However they then got used having money given to them and always expecting someone else to pay for their stuff.

    When they became an adult they continued having money thrown at them - first 2 cars were given free and first was even fully paid for (insurance, petrol etc) whereas I paid for mine myself even though I was on benefits.

    This would all be bearable if they weren’t so ungrateful and very often rude and aggressive toward my parents, and that is what gets to me. I am really grateful for what I get - a roof over my head and caring parents - but others seem to take this for granted. (I hope I don’t sound like I’m attempting to come across as perfect as I’m far from it.)

    I am still living at home too (albeit due to my issues, not my fault) so can’t have a go at my sibling for still living at home but it is the fact that they are abusive towards my parents which I find unacceptable. If I had a child who was being abusive towards me they would be given an ultimatum to become a civil human being or just leave.

    I’m really sorry for stealing your thread to mention my own problems, but I just wanted to get it off my chest and also wanted to highlight that you are not alone with your child expecting you to give them money all the time, and being ungrateful for it.
  • davis_smitdavis_smit Member Posts: 2 Listener
    Great talk dear.
Sign in or join us to comment.