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Understanding my fit on the spectrum

briancharles5612 Member Posts: 43 Connected
edited December 2021 in Autism and neurodiversity

I’ve spent quite a bit of time talking about my son and how the world is going to be for him. I suppose it’s time I talked about myself.

Looking back there’s a lot that happened that didn’t make sense at the time. When I was younger I was terrified of Drs and needles to the point where I would lash out as a child. I had be restrained at times to be knocked out for ops etc. This caused me shame looking back. To this day any form of Invasion worries me. I get claustrophobic with scans and unless I know exactly what’s going on I do get worried.

I realise that is the same in my personal life. I struggle massively if I don’t know something inside and out. I always try to be the best I can be at work. Maybe I have to be the best as If I don’t have that knowledge I’m not comfortable. Anything I don’t understand causes confusion or distress. 

I can get very overwhelmed at times and get told off for being too stressed by family and my ex wife. 

I have a new place now where I live with my son (I look after him full time as a single parent). I know where everything is or roughly where it should be and I’m happy with that. If I’m someplace new it’s hard as if I don’t know where things are it just makes things a bit tougher.

Looking back I’ve realised I’ve coped or masked most of my life. 

Have some of you got adult diagnosis and are you parents? How did it make you feel and what were your worries before?

My biggest concern is if I ever got diagnosed whether I can be seen as unfit as a parent. The world is moving on, but not enough I think.




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