Disabled parent in relationship breakdown — Scope | Disability forum

Disabled parent in relationship breakdown

GMH77 Member Posts: 3 Listener
Good afternoon. 
I am a disabled mum of an almost 5 year old child. My spouse and I agreed to separate last month and we are currently co-parenting in the same house. He is my carer and main physical carer of our child. I'm not sure we could maintain this situation permanently but I'm beyond heart broken at the thought of how this will affect my son and my relationship with him. I am unable to look after him, or myself, safely.  

Any guidance or advice will be very gratefully received. 


  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 15,097 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi there and welcome to the community 

    I'm sorry about your situation  I have been there myself but my son was 10 at the time his dad walked out and stopped any caring or responsibility as a father 

    He was obviously more independent than your child would be 

    I don't really know what to suggest but kids are more resiliant than we give them credit for 

    I know I'm in different situations as I became his sole carer even though i am disabled but no matter that his dad only see him about 4 times a year he is still very loyal to his dad 

    Your his mum and that won't ever change 

    Always here to chat if you want a listener 
  • Teddybear12
    Teddybear12 Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,797 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @GMH77 Welcome to the Community. I am sorry to hear of the problems you are having. Have you taken any Legal Advice about your situation? Good luck. Take care.
  • GMH77
    GMH77 Member Posts: 3 Listener
    Thank you @janer1967 and @Teddybear12

    I'm so relieved to have some support. May I ask @janer1967 what physical support is available for the parent and child? If you know of course. I have Muscular Dystrophy so I'm very limited in physical ability. 

    @Teddybear12 We will get advice together as we are still friends. We both want our child to be happy and safe. 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 15,097 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi again 

    You can refer yourself for a care needs assessment on gov website 

    A ot will come out and do an assessment for things like care , aids adaptions and report recommendations to appropriate services 

    This will include care for you and child 

    Another option would be to contact children's social services 
  • GMH77
    GMH77 Member Posts: 3 Listener
    Thank you again @janer1967

    I think it's something I'll have to tackle soon. My son is lucky his dad wants to be there for him. Although I'm worried this could lead to loss of custody for me to save money. It's a really upsetting situation. 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 15,097 Disability Gamechanger
    I know how upsetting it fan be 

    I don't understand about the saving money aspect 

    You need to try and put your feelings aside and together come up with the best option for your child 

    I know that maybe hard and was my worst fear when I became disabled 6 months after the break up 

    You will in most cases get joint custody he needs his mum no matter if you are disabled.  He may not end up living with you but you will still see him 

    In my opinion sometimes the one not.living with the child gets the nice side and not dealing with the.day to day struggle 

    Just trying to be practical here 

    I would suggest legal advice and possible mediation route 
  • Reg
    Reg Member Posts: 109 Pioneering
    Hello @GMH77

    Welcome to the community .

    I am sorry to hear about your recent decision to separate from your husband but it is great that you are keeping things amicable.

    If you do need to sort out any financial or child care aspects then family mediation could be the best option as it helps you understand your options and assists you in both reaching an agreement without driving you apart .

    If access to mediation sessions is a problem for you then some offer mediation online or by phone.

    A good place to start looking for a mediator near you is the Resolution First for family law website . They also have some helpful information so you know what questions to ask and what information you will need to help you make decisions. 


    I am a Scope volunteer.