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Disabled parent in relationship breakdown

GMH77

Good afternoon.

I am a disabled mum of an almost 5 year old child. My spouse and I agreed to separate last month and we are currently co-parenting in the same house. He is my carer and main physical carer of our child. I'm not sure we could maintain this situation permanently but I'm beyond heart broken at the thought of how this will affect my son and my relationship with him. I am unable to look after him, or myself, safely.

Any guidance or advice will be very gratefully received.

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janer1967

Hi there and welcome to the community

I'm sorry about your situation I have been there myself but my son was 10 at the time his dad walked out and stopped any caring or responsibility as a father

He was obviously more independent than your child would be

I don't really know what to suggest but kids are more resiliant than we give them credit for

I know I'm in different situations as I became his sole carer even though i am disabled but no matter that his dad only see him about 4 times a year he is still very loyal to his dad

Your his mum and that won't ever change

Always here to chat if you want a listener

GMH77

Thank you @janer1967 and @Teddybear12

I'm so relieved to have some support. May I ask @janer1967 what physical support is available for the parent and child? If you know of course. I have Muscular Dystrophy so I'm very limited in physical ability.

@Teddybear12 We will get advice together as we are still friends. We both want our child to be happy and safe.

janer1967

Hi again

You can refer yourself for a care needs assessment on gov website

A ot will come out and do an assessment for things like care , aids adaptions and report recommendations to appropriate services

This will include care for you and child

Another option would be to contact children's social services

GMH77

Thank you again @janer1967

I think it's something I'll have to tackle soon. My son is lucky his dad wants to be there for him. Although I'm worried this could lead to loss of custody for me to save money. It's a really upsetting situation.

janer1967

I know how upsetting it fan be

I don't understand about the saving money aspect

You need to try and put your feelings aside and together come up with the best option for your child

I know that maybe hard and was my worst fear when I became disabled 6 months after the break up

You will in most cases get joint custody he needs his mum no matter if you are disabled. He may not end up living with you but you will still see him

In my opinion sometimes the one not.living with the child gets the nice side and not dealing with the.day to day struggle

Just trying to be practical here

I would suggest legal advice and possible mediation route

Reg

Hello @GMH77

Welcome to the community .

I am sorry to hear about your recent decision to separate from your husband but it is great that you are keeping things amicable.

If you do need to sort out any financial or child care aspects then family mediation could be the best option as it helps you understand your options and assists you in both reaching an agreement without driving you apart .

If access to mediation sessions is a problem for you then some offer mediation online or by phone.

A good place to start looking for a mediator near you is the Resolution First for family law website . They also have some helpful information so you know what questions to ask and what information you will need to help you make decisions.