Transphobic receptionist refusing to use my child's new name

Elm

My 13 year old is trans and has been out to us a couple of years it took us time to adjust but we're getting there but the place we are finding the hardest and most discrimination is the NHS of all places!!!!

The NHS in general is transphobic but this receptionist at our GP surgery in particular is so openly so. I've heard them make comments while we are in the waiting room and they refuse to use my child's new name, yet even the doctor does so why can't she?. My child now presents fully as a different gender to their birth one and its really distressing for them to be outed every time we go to the doctors in a waiting room full of people. I have written to them and spoken to practice manager but nothing is changing. 

We are at the doctors once a week at the moment so it is happening veryfrequently and now my child isn't wanting to go at all. 

What are our rights?

Albus_Scope

Hi @Elm, I'm so sorry to hear your child has been facing discrimination.
The trans (and a-gender) community are all protected under the Equality Act (2010) ;trans people are entitled to freedom from discrimination when accessing healthcare. From the moment they come out as trans, trans people all ages are protected under the 'gender reassignment' characteristic. So the receptionist should not have been dealing with your family that way and I'm so sorry they were.  

Elm

Does that cover that they should use the name we specify? I am never certain how it works. It's such a [removed by moderator]. I don't understand how you can treat anyone the way they treat them, especially a child. 

I heard them before ranting to their colleague that: they are sick of all 'this' [removed by moderator] while gesturing my child, and that: they can't say anything any more, all the cliches. 

They are finding life hard enough without facing this [removed by moderator] attitude from the people that are meant to help!

Adrian_Scope

Hi @Elm, it's nice to see you posting again. To echo what @Albus_Scope has said, I'm really sorry to read about the discrimination your child has been facing.

When you wrote to them, did they send a written response addressing your concerns?

I hope you understand, but I've removed a few expletives from your comment. I know that the situation is understandably distressing for both you and your child, and while I empathise with the frustration, our community guidelines don't allow the use of such language.

CATP

Elm said:

Does that cover that they should use the name we specify? I am never certain how it works. It's such a [removed by moderator]. I don't understand how you can treat anyone the way they treat them, especially a child. 

I heard them before ranting to their colleague that: they are sick of all 'this' [removed by moderator] while gesturing my child, and that: they can't say anything any more, all the cliches. 

They are finding life hard enough without facing this [removed by moderator] attitude from the people that are meant to help!

hi @Elm

welcome to scope,im not a scope staff but i have experienced you/your childs exact situation with the doctors surgery,i know how painful it is and i can only send you e hugs.

 i was transmale by definition but im connsiderd to be just male by the law as ive gone threw so much therapy and years of testosterone,i have a deed poll and not one service knows me as my 'dead name',i have a gender affirming certificate,a gender marker certificate for my passport (if i ever get one) and my mum (who was always talked to by the gender clinic specialists) was able to prove with piles of photographs i was outwardly trans since a toddler,my actual diagnosis in termss of gender is extreme gender dysphoria,and i have dealt with exactly the same problem as you and your child in terms of the medical/doctors surgery.

i hope scope mods are ok with me recomending this but theres a national support charity for trans youth (i think its all under 25) and parents of trans youth called mermaids UK, its worth contacting them as you might be able to find a local group and meet other parents going threw the same thing, and the same goes for your child as they run youth groups to- i dont know how your child woud feel in the same position but i used to atend a 18+ mencap LGBT group,i found it very helpful having other people with learning disability going threw either the same or similar stuff,  it made me a lot more confident.

 

i have a lot of empathy for both of you having to deal with this from difrent pesrpectives and for your child to grow up trans in todays toxic, online reliant based society.

its even harder for trans girls and women as the many anti trans activists tend to have a agenda with there hatred rather than it being simply of misunderstood concern (usualy born out of ignorance or phobia) for those afected by gender dysphoria, and you rarely hear anti trans activists include trans boys or men.many years ago i used to compete for the special olympics GB in badminton, i was really cool with it-i was put against other lads (not trans),i find it funny that you never hear of these activists being concerned for us transmen not being as able as biological men as scientificaly we have less muscle mass than them.

with the medical surgery,receptionists can be very judgy, ive had it off mine to in the past for all sorts of ignorance and bias,the manager of my care home has had to report them and weve heard things like theyve been sent for retraining. ...

if its anything similar to my experience,you need to show the receptionist your childs gender affirming certificate (sorry,ive forgoten what its called) you will have to get your childs name changed by deed poll and signed by two official type people-you can technicaly do this for free legaly speaking if youve got two official type people to witness and sign it -my pyschologist at the gender clinic got me onto this, you dont need a solicitor to do it-they cost tons but im not sure how it works with under 18s.

make sure never to give the drs the original document,they will acept scans as they took scans off me.

if you dont have a printer there are some great cheap online services yoou can upload the deed poll to and theyll mail you out as many copies as you want,i used to use these for making PECS (pictoral exchange comunication system, partly how i comunicate with my suport staff).

onw more thing that might be of help,check if your surgery has got an online service where you can send and recieve messages from a GP, such as the 'ask my GP' software which many surgerys use,you can send a message on the day and quite often get an answer the same day,just ask about getting your childs details changed,its probably a lot easier now than it was when i went threw it.

sorry ive waffled so much,my memory is damaged from my epilepsy.

johndtay

they aren't treating you fairly. Those staff should know better.