When you're in a bad mood... — Scope | Disability forum
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When you're in a bad mood...

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66Mustang
66Mustang Community member Posts: 13,640 Disability Gamechanger
There is no right or wrong answer to this question

When you're in a bad mood - i.e. angry or frustrated or grumpy - are you also in a bad mood with other people you encounter, who have nothing to do with the reason you're in a bad mood?

I don't know if this is part of my autism and stuff, looking at things too logically, but if I was angry or grumpy I don't consider it at all fair to be unpleasant towards random people who have not caused my bad mood, so I would act pleasantly towards them

However I have a couple of family members who often get grumpy, and when they are in one of their bad moods they are also grumpy with everyone else - even "innocent" people who did not cause their mood

Am I in the minority in thinking that it's unfair to "punish" people who have nothing to do with the bad mood? Or is it considered normal/typical behaviour for the red mist to descend and to just indiscriminately be mean to everyone?

Comments

  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 11,646 Disability Gamechanger
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    I must admit I can be a bit of a sulker, but as I get older never for long.
    2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡

  • Beaver79
    Beaver79 Community member, Community Co-Production Group, Scope Member Posts: 20,110 Disability Gamechanger
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    No @66Mustang you are not in the minority in thinking just because someone is in a bad mood they should not take it out on everyone they encounter. 
    I hope I would never do this.
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Community member Posts: 2,618 Disability Gamechanger
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    If you're only grumpy about one thing, I don't think that counts as a 'mood'.  So I'd say yes, if you're genuinely in a bad mood, that overshadows everything and will be passed onto others, without necessarily having the option to be nice to them.

    Personally, I am conscious of this myself, and try to take a step back when I've got the time to do so...  But in an immediate response situation, where there's no thinking time, I do get frustrated with even the smallest thing.
  • michael57
    michael57 Community member Posts: 214 Pioneering
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    i dont do grumpy i do get very frustrated at not being able to do things  but i find a way to do it with the help of she who must be obeyed 
  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community member Posts: 4,682 Disability Gamechanger
    edited April 2
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    Oooh this is a good question!! I think it's actually quite complicated, for me at least! If I'm in a bad mood or not feeling great, I usually internalise it and treat myself badly or shut off, but that can in turn impact other people.

    Also I think even if not intentionally taking it out on someone else, you can't always control how you're feeling and react. If I'm in a bad mood, without meaning to, my fuse is usually shorter, I have less patience and act differently or withdraw which isn't fair on other people and probably seems like I'm taking it out on them. 

    I can rationally think and know that it isn't anyone else's fault but you can't always know if you're being different or if your mood or something on your mind is impacting other people. 

    The opposite is true too, when someone is in a good mood, their interactions with others are different - even if they don't mean them to be!

    I definitely wouldn't purposely take it out on someone else though!!!
  • rubin16
    rubin16 Community member, Scope Member Posts: 550 Pioneering
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    With my Autism I really struggle with emotion regulation or understanding emotions, so I never know how I feel. I always act the same regardless what happens to me. I have been told that a bomb could go off right next to me and I'll still act the same. The only time my mood generally changes is when I'm having a melt down and will do anything to get out that situation other than that I have a really bad problem with surpressing my emotions and will act pleasently with everyone. I am having psychology therapy to understand emotions more and how to deal with them as bottling everything up causes a build up of stress on me and eventually I have a big meltdown/burnout.

    My family though generally if are in a bad mood are in a bad mood with everyone and seem to take it out on everyone else.
    I have Autism, ADHD, Schizophrenia, Gilberts Syndrome and Crohn's Disease and have knowledge in these areas.


  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 13,640 Disability Gamechanger
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    Thanks for the interesting responses!! :)

    Random follow up question

    If someone was hostile towards you because of something that wasn’t your fault how do you react?

    I don’t know why, but, I am generally a very sympathetic and empathetic person when someone is experiencing negative emotion - like sadness, anxiety, worry... - the exception to this is anger…if someone becomes angry I often lose sympathy for some reason, I find I just can’t relate to aggressiveness or bad temperedness 

    I will often say stuff like ask why they are cross with me, or I’ll remind them of obvious stuff by being semi-sarcastic like say they are cross as their car is broken I’ll say “you do realise I didn’t break your car?” which I’m aware probably does make things worse!

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 4,081 Scope online community team
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    I totally understand that feeling.  If someone's angry towards me, I usually just let them get it all out of their system. Years working in customer service has hardened me to ranting.  :D
    I just try and see things from their point of view. Though the sarcasm is always there, just waiting to come out. 
    Albus (he/him)

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

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    Neurodivergent.
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 13,640 Disability Gamechanger
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    @Albus_Scope I can imagine working in customer service has given you a huge amount of training when it comes to dealing with angry people!!!
  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 4,081 Scope online community team
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    Oh you have no idea!  :D
    Years of dealing with very frustrated women in labour trying to get hold of midwives was certainly...eye opening. 
    Albus (he/him)

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

    Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.
    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
    Opinions expressed are solely my own.
    Neurodivergent.
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Community member Posts: 2,618 Disability Gamechanger
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    Don't react as that's likely to escalate the situation.  Just leave it and let them get on with it.  Remember it's not really about you at all, you were just caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 50,382 Disability Gamechanger
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    If I'm angry or annoyed which isn't often I tend todo housework
  • Zimba
    Zimba Community member Posts: 1,873 Pioneering
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    I’m quite a placid person so it takes me a long time to react and get to an annoyed stage…unless I feel there’s been an injustice done but I always stop and think before I speak as sometimes it’s just not worth it. Like Sandy_123 I keep busy or teat myself to a cuppa and a biscuit and find in few hours I have forgotten what I was so annoyed at.
  • Ada
    Ada Scope Member Posts: 14,148 Disability Gamechanger
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    I learned as a kiddy to suppress my emotions plus taking meds most of my life just suppress them much more

    In my workplace with working in nursing homes and hospice and hospital I learned to be a great actress. I could go from holding someone’s hand whilst they took their last breath straight to another with a smile and a chuckle for them. 

    But for me in the last twenty years My emotions have become flat lined. 
    Angry sad happy. Laughter it’s all the same. 
    Life’s just caught up with me and left me very very tired. I just can’t be bothered with getting any kind of emotions with folk around me. I don’t show anything not even pain. 
    Especially when every day your living with a moody person. I’ve become numb. I’m not going to add to my ill health by getting moody back.  




  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,103 Disability Gamechanger
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    I've only been really angry once that I can remember, & the Dr in question who'd lied to me about something that was important in finding out my family's genetic disorder, just didn't know what to say, & stood there like a goldfish opening, then closing his mouth, before he walked out the room. Outside my son's amusement at seeing this Professor's 'goldfish' reaction quickly dissipated my rage.
    Normally, I'm like Zimba, & very placid in nature; don't think I get grumpy, but if something frustrates me, then I walk away metaphorically speaking, taking a break, as it's usually things online that get to me. I do find it helps talking to my son, who is very easy-going.
    If irritated, then cleaning out cupboards works for me; I suppose this sort of 'distraction' by keeping you 'present' in the moment, or concentrating on something else works for me too.
    I 'think' @66Mustang - that if you don't relate to aggresiveness/being bad-tempered, then it's very difficult to have empathy with this because it's just not you; I'd feel the same.
  • A_CRUCE_SALUS
    A_CRUCE_SALUS Community member Posts: 19 Listener
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    Anger isnt always a choice. Mind you that said......... I have recently been getting very clumsy at times and for no apparent reason and so would appear involntary. Say I knock a cup off the sink top..I dont just nudge  it, to me it seems like the darn thing has gone flying off at 100mph...then I go nuts at warp speed and just smash it to bits, or throw it across the room. This doesnt last long but when it all started a few months ago it seem to last for a week. Now, maybe I am controlling it, it doesnt happen much..but I get verbally angry when things dont work out of typing password in or something such like. I guess in reality Im always on edge ready to go...but I feel happy and fine most of the time.

    As for taking it out on others...its OK for me cos I live alone so can be a real **** if I want,,,but when I do meet people, or talk to someone it all pretty much goes and I am actually reasonably sane lol

    I wonder if solitude and self isolation play a key? ...I had a brain scan, suspecting some  long term transplant meds but it was all fine and they actually found a brain too!!

    So in essence I can be mad as a mad hatter, it seems by subconsious choice rather than reality.

Brightness

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