When you're in a bad mood...

66Mustang

There is no right or wrong answer to this question

When you're in a bad mood - i.e. angry or frustrated or grumpy - are you also in a bad mood with other people you encounter, who have nothing to do with the reason you're in a bad mood?

I don't know if this is part of my autism and stuff, looking at things too logically, but if I was angry or grumpy I don't consider it at all fair to be unpleasant towards random people who have not caused my bad mood, so I would act pleasantly towards them

However I have a couple of family members who often get grumpy, and when they are in one of their bad moods they are also grumpy with everyone else - even "innocent" people who did not cause their mood

Am I in the minority in thinking that it's unfair to "punish" people who have nothing to do with the bad mood? Or is it considered normal/typical behaviour for the red mist to descend and to just indiscriminately be mean to everyone?

OverlyAnxious

If you're only grumpy about one thing, I don't think that counts as a 'mood'.  So I'd say yes, if you're genuinely in a bad mood, that overshadows everything and will be passed onto others, without necessarily having the option to be nice to them.

Personally, I am conscious of this myself, and try to take a step back when I've got the time to do so...  But in an immediate response situation, where there's no thinking time, I do get frustrated with even the smallest thing.

michael57

i dont do grumpy i do get very frustrated at not being able to do things  but i find a way to do it with the help of she who must be obeyed 

rubin16

With my Autism I really struggle with emotion regulation or understanding emotions, so I never know how I feel. I always act the same regardless what happens to me. I have been told that a bomb could go off right next to me and I'll still act the same. The only time my mood generally changes is when I'm having a melt down and will do anything to get out that situation other than that I have a really bad problem with surpressing my emotions and will act pleasently with everyone. I am having psychology therapy to understand emotions more and how to deal with them as bottling everything up causes a build up of stress on me and eventually I have a big meltdown/burnout.

My family though generally if are in a bad mood are in a bad mood with everyone and seem to take it out on everyone else.

66Mustang

Thanks for the interesting responses!!

Random follow up question

If someone was hostile towards you because of something that wasn’t your fault how do you react?

I don’t know why, but, I am generally a very sympathetic and empathetic person when someone is experiencing negative emotion - like sadness, anxiety, worry... - the exception to this is anger…if someone becomes angry I often lose sympathy for some reason, I find I just can’t relate to aggressiveness or bad temperedness 

I will often say stuff like ask why they are cross with me, or I’ll remind them of obvious stuff by being semi-sarcastic like say they are cross as their car is broken I’ll say “you do realise I didn’t break your car?” which I’m aware probably does make things worse!

Albus_Scope

I totally understand that feeling.  If someone's angry towards me, I usually just let them get it all out of their system. Years working in customer service has hardened me to ranting. 
I just try and see things from their point of view. Though the sarcasm is always there, just waiting to come out. 

66Mustang

@Albus_Scope I can imagine working in customer service has given you a huge amount of training when it comes to dealing with angry people!!!

Albus_Scope

Oh you have no idea! 
Years of dealing with very frustrated women in labour trying to get hold of midwives was certainly...eye opening. 

OverlyAnxious

Don't react as that's likely to escalate the situation.  Just leave it and let them get on with it.  Remember it's not really about you at all, you were just caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Sandy_123

If I'm angry or annoyed which isn't often I tend todo housework

Zimba

I’m quite a placid person so it takes me a long time to react and get to an annoyed stage…unless I feel there’s been an injustice done but I always stop and think before I speak as sometimes it’s just not worth it. Like Sandy_123 I keep busy or teat myself to a cuppa and a biscuit and find in few hours I have forgotten what I was so annoyed at.

chiarieds

I've only been really angry once that I can remember, & the Dr in question who'd lied to me about something that was important in finding out my family's genetic disorder, just didn't know what to say, & stood there like a goldfish opening, then closing his mouth, before he walked out the room. Outside my son's amusement at seeing this Professor's 'goldfish' reaction quickly dissipated my rage.

Normally, I'm like Zimba, & very placid in nature; don't think I get grumpy, but if something frustrates me, then I walk away metaphorically speaking, taking a break, as it's usually things online that get to me. I do find it helps talking to my son, who is very easy-going.

If irritated, then cleaning out cupboards works for me; I suppose this sort of 'distraction' by keeping you 'present' in the moment, or concentrating on something else works for me too.

I 'think' @66Mustang - that if you don't relate to aggresiveness/being bad-tempered, then it's very difficult to have empathy with this because it's just not you; I'd feel the same.

A_CRUCE_SALUS

Anger isnt always a choice. Mind you that said......... I have recently been getting very clumsy at times and for no apparent reason and so would appear involntary. Say I knock a cup off the sink top..I dont just nudge  it, to me it seems like the darn thing has gone flying off at 100mph...then I go nuts at warp speed and just smash it to bits, or throw it across the room. This doesnt last long but when it all started a few months ago it seem to last for a week. Now, maybe I am controlling it, it doesnt happen much..but I get verbally angry when things dont work out of typing password in or something such like. I guess in reality Im always on edge ready to go...but I feel happy and fine most of the time.

As for taking it out on others...its OK for me cos I live alone so can be a real **** if I want,,,but when I do meet people, or talk to someone it all pretty much goes and I am actually reasonably sane lol

I wonder if solitude and self isolation play a key? ...I had a brain scan, suspecting some  long term transplant meds but it was all fine and they actually found a brain too!!

So in essence I can be mad as a mad hatter, it seems by subconsious choice rather than reality.

onedayatatime

I hold my hands up and admit that I can be snappy, sharp and blunt due to a mixture of frustration and pain. I know it isn't an excuse and i know it's not the fault of who's on the receiving end. I frequently have to apologise for outbursts and feel embarrassed about some of my behaviour. 
I'm not like this all of the time and on the whole I try to be a pretty well balanced person!. I'm fortunate that the people around me know these outbursts aren't my true nature but whilst they are understanding, I tend to withdraw from people on days when pain is getting the better of me.

Dawnb

Yeah I get ya I’m same with all negative that’s happening in my life at minute and I don’t get a break just to have one happy day it makes u angry at the world

amazingblazing62

Hi there,

What is Psycoligal therapy could some one please explain I have a problem with my emotions and get very moody and angry with certain people in my family I am at the moment doing the Freedom Programme and the pain management prog one on a Tuesday and one on a Wednesday.

So hopefully they will both help me to some degree feel better about myself.

Amazingblazing62.