Too much suffering in life

Whether it's my personal suffering or the suffering of other people, I think we endure too much of it. I always want children to be happy and healthy, but we know a few won't make it through to adult life. I know it's very sad to think this sort of thing, but it also makes me feel very fortunate that I am here now, and that we're here at all. I think many of us don't realize how life is a phenomenon to begin with, and that being here at all is a gift.

We all like to say he was too young to perish or that they lived a good long life, but the reality is we live in accordance with whatever amalgamation of matter and influence dictates our longevity. Moments are what matter infinitely more than length ever will.

The issue is when we hold so much dear to us that we want everyone to be as healthy as possible, but we know life's hourglass sand will run out eventually. What we're left with is the memories and that we've got to ensure that those are preserved, if of course we think they should be.

I personally don't much care about whether I'm remembered. I've persevered through so much like many of us do, but when your childhood is set up to be so lovely and carefree for all of that to collapse, it really shows us how ugly and deceptive life can be in this culture of ours. However, you could look at things with optimism and think everything is brilliant, which is an ideal way to be, but when you've been stomped down so much by your disability and other people defining you by it, then it really does show that there might just be no way out.

People have labelled me as "disabled" although I can walk, but now as an adult in his 30s I see what they meant, I'm disabled from doing what I want because there are barriers everywhere including in my own head.

I love people and making friends, but friendships are becoming malleable and unreliable, so all that's left is me, and whether I feel I'm good enough and strong enough to keep going. I feel as though I am strong enough, but this place in these times are trying to convince me that I don't belong-so do I give in, or just keep going? Sounds like an easy answer, but people's behaviour and my circumstances are trying to sway me in a direction, but I continue to battle through because that's what I know how to do, and I'm sure many of us do the same thing.

Sorry for a lengthy post, but I just wanted to convey my thoughts here. Please reply with anything you wish to say.