A look inside my world

Biblioklept
Biblioklept Online Community Member Posts: 215 Empowering
in Coffee lounge

I've been really struggling for months now and was coming out the other side, but instead of being gentle with myself I did the opposite, as I always do, and threw myself in the deep end! Jumped in with both feet! Cleaned EVERYTHING. Dealt with everything I'd left waiting. Walked. Cleaned. Arranged. Just did everything.

I went forwalks, sometimes multiple walks a day, even walked INTO a shop a few days in a row and then…

…CRASH!!!! Back to where I started.

It started with overthinking going in the shop (I can't bring myself to buy anything yet, so they're going to think it's weird I'm going in there, what if they think I'm stealing? Or TALK TO ME!! And everyone will stare. And I'll never be able to go even near the shop again, or any shop. Ever. Or I could get arrested! And go to jail. And everyone will think I'm a criminal and hate me) so I stopped going in the shop, and stopped going on walks.

What if I'm being annoying? Maybe I'm oversharing? Undersharing? Being weird or stupid. So I stop replying to messages and emails.

What if I'm cleaning this wrong? What if I'm doing this wrong? What if it's all just wrong?

And slowly I shut down and crawl back into my hole. I lose the energy or drive to do anything. And I can't stop it.

Overthinking things sucks.

Happy Wednesday!🤩

Comments

  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Online Community Member Posts: 15,160 Championing

    Hi @Biblioklept

    Did you get my message where I broke down all the stuff that could happen? Like statistically the chain of scenarios in your mind leading up to the worst nightmare could all come to pass… but you have a similar chance to be hit by a lightning bolt as well and that doesn't stop you doing stuff

    You're doing so well but I know how you mean about going in with both feet then it becomes overwhelming. I do it myself like I feel I'm on a "winning streak" and the first thing I don't completely achieve seems to overshadow the chain of successes leading up to that one unsuccessful thing. I know it's not sustainable to "beat your personal best" so to speak every day but it doesn't stop my mind thinking like that

    I don't really have any helpful thoughts but just I guess it's to say you're not the only one, albeit I'm aware people have it to different severities

  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Online Community Member Posts: 15,160 Championing

    I have one piece of advice maybe…

    When my mum had her knee operation she used to want to walk further each day when she was recovering… like if she did 400 yards, the next day she'd have to do 450

    When it got to like a couple of miles I told her it's not sustainable, and looking at it over the long term it's actually unsuccessful… like, if she did 2 miles, and then pushed herself to do 2.5, then on day 3 had to take a day off and do 0…that comes to 4.5 miles. She's have done more overall miles if she'd just done a steady 2, 1.5, 1.5 or something 😊

    Maybe this can be applied to mental health as well, because the mind has limits and needs to recover just like the body

  • Bluebell21
    Bluebell21 Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 13,861 Championing
    edited July 30

    Hi @Biblioklept I am so sorry you are have such a challenging time. Perhaps have a rest and then start again by doing one thing everyday and then add in another thing when you are ready. It does not need to be anything big.

    Know we are thinking of you.

    Please take care of yourself. ❤️

  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Online Community Member Posts: 215 Empowering
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1053596#Comment_1053596

    Aww thank you @66Mustang!! you know more than most how often I seem to go in this cycle, jumping in with both feet on a winning streak and thank crashing down 😅

    I'm glad people can relate and it's not just me being weird!!

  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Online Community Member Posts: 215 Empowering
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1053598#Comment_1053598

    Thank you @Bluebell21!! I'm trying not to jump back to doing everything but it's so hard because when I feel a bit better, I start to notice everythig that needs doing all at once and before long I'm back in a spiral! 😅 Trying really hard not to run before I can walk this time ❤️

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 4,923 Championing

    This definitely isn't just you! I've seen it so many times from so many people with OCD, agoraphobia, anxiety, etc. It rarely happens to me as I expect it to happen so try to pace myself and put as many 'failsafes' in place as possible while building up. It's usually something totally out of my control that ends up knocking me back down. I'm not suggesting my way is better though, as it means I take fewer risks than someone else might in the same situation. Meaning there's less possibility for a positive outcome, as well as a negative one.

  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Online Community Member Posts: 15,160 Championing

    @OverlyAnxious have you ever looked into peridctability/causality/chaos theory?

    I know you like to look at stuff logically, perhaps mechanically… I didn't do much of it but found it fun, found it's a good way of rationalising risk, and explaining why and when to take risks

    Something else I enjoyed was rational ignorance… which is more when the cost of acquiring knowledge is greater than the value of the knowledge, but it could be applied to risk as well because if you're anything like me you spend such a huge amount of effort to predict or determine the outcome of something that it would've been "cheaper" to assume the worst

    It's easy to make it sound logical but in practise none of us do it because we are emotional creatures, but it's fun to read up on

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