Holding on with gratitude

Hello folks. I wanted to share something i sense many others of my ilk may be experiencing. Would it be fair to say that when ill health falls upon you, its never a good day. When you find out that day will turn into forever, its about spirit, and each and everyone of us will have a tale to tell as to how on earth this has befallen us. I am not "quite possibly", yet actually, the luckiest fellow alive. I "popped into hospital" early doors for my "done a million times a day op", got my ole dog a babysitter for the night, …"i'll be back probably late tomorrow". It didnt go my way that op, i went down to theatre expecting to be home for tea next day, (maybe the day after). It was early October, i "came round" the next year late Feb. Thats a long ole time to be alseep. Can you imagine my elation at being alive? Holy moly. I was "just" under 5 stone, i had a big ole hole in my throat, (trachy) and couldnt eat for months and mores is the point, i couldnt drink normally. I had dreams about a glass of water. Its funny, when i was told i could drink, after all that time of wishing for it, i was too sacred to do it! I had to use finger boards at first to spell out words because i could not speak, that was great fun. Then it hit me….Oh my, my my….whats this? I had 2 bags on my tummy. 1 on the right, (illy) another on the left, (fistula)…my goodness, this has gone wrong hasnt it? And how. It was only then i was informed that is was indeed a different year and my ole faithful dog had passed. Im 4 years in now, still with my bags, no abdominal wall, and with the NHS where it is at, my prospects it working "economically for the NHS", at this time are bleak. Im so, so very lucky to be here. Have you any idea how much it would have cost to keep me alive in coma for months on end? Thats a lot of spondolies. (and a few ops) They dont want to mess with my body now bless them. They say its had enough. Thats leaves me in a tricky situ…..i aint going to be around for long and if you could see what my love ones look at you would nod in agreement. I truly have run out of gas. Each day is, (can i be dramatic?)…challenging for sure. My illy i have to empty every 3 hours or so. I havent had more than 3-4 hours sleep in 4 years. My kids are amazing, (single dad/grandad) so there is not a lot left to miss other than work. I miss work/belonging/doing/being meaningful/supporting and changing lives so very much, i cant find the words for that. I'm sad to be here yet those are the cards i got when i said "twist". So for me, for sure i am holding on in a way that is not natural to me, whatever it is, i do it with gratitude. I am the luckiest man that i think has ever lived.