Hi, my name is frasermather1993! Feeling guilty about not working. How do you cope?

frasermather1993
frasermather1993 Online Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
edited November 14 in Everyday life

I am 31 years old. I have just been awarded universal credit LCWRA and new style ESA support group. This is because I have tried and failed to work for 6 years, since the death of son, with my mental health/physical health deteriorating ever since. I am diagnosed with a personality disorder, chronic daily migraines and a heart condition.

Problem is I feel guilty for being on benefits. I didn’t have an assessment for both PIP and LCWRA, I was just awarded it based on medical records. I am so glad and appreciative of getting the benefits, but can’t help feeling guilty that I am on benefits when others work. I want to work and only recently stopped in July 2025.

Is it normal to feel guilty about not working, and how do people cope with it?

Thank you very much

Comments

  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 7,193 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Hi @frasermather1993, welcome to the community. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son and the decline in your health, that sounds totally devastating.

    It's very common to feel guilty about being on benefits. I've definitely been there myself. The way benefits are represented in the media doesn't help. There's still a lot of the 'scrounger' narrative about which can really make you feel rubbish.

    But having jumped through the hoops of the benefits system (which is no mean feat!) several people will have seen your case and decided that you are entitled to the money. Even if you don't feel worthy of it, they have made the decision that you are.

    It's not necessary if you're not feeling up to it, but I found that looking after myself, working on my mental health, or gaining some skills gave me something to focus on when I wasn't working. Even just doing hobbies and finding ways to enjoy your days is a good use of your time if you need some structure. But don't put pressure on yourself if you're not feeling well enough.

    You are still a valuable person when you're not working, even if all that you're doing at the moment is surviving day to day. It's hard to realise that sometimes, but try and give yourself a little grace considering all that you've been dealing with.

    I hope some of our members will have some tips too, I know many of them will know what it feels like. Hope you're managing okay at the moment ☺️

  • Zipz
    Zipz Online Community Member Posts: 4,022 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/139900/hi-my-name-is-frasermather1993-feeling-guilty-about-not-working-how-do-you-cope

    Hi @frasermather1993 I have felt guilt about claiming benefits for most of my working age life. I think I'll feel this way until I reach State Pension age.

    However, I get by by reminding myself that I am not a useless person. I've been around for old, lonely people who would otherwise seldom seen a friendly face or had somebody with whom to share their fears.

    You're a young man with a lot of life experience. Perhaps you could help other bereaved parents. You're a valuable member of society in or out of paid employment.

  • Nightcity
    Nightcity Online Community Member Posts: 377 Empowering

    I don't feel guilty, I'm not a criminal, I didn't choose to have conditions that impact (ruin) daily life and neither did you, although I understand some people do feel guilty the important thing is to remember it wasn't a choice and you have enough to deal with.

    Life is a lot more difficult for all of us than your average person, balancing symptoms limitations and fears, you don't deserve,want or need to take on the burden of guilt.

    best wishes

  • frasermather1993
    frasermather1993 Online Community Member Posts: 2 Listener

    thank you very much for all the kind comments. I appreciate the responses. I am fortunate i get to look after my daughter every afternoon when she finishes nursery. And I keep myself busy going to the gym, and I volunteer once a week. But just feel like people look down on you when you say your on benefits. Guess I need to work on that.


    btw if anyone would like any support or help in regards to their benefits please do not hesitate to ask me. Before I became ill myself I was a housing and benefit advisor for 7 years. So I’m always here if people need advice

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Posts: 8,452 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/139900/hi-my-name-is-frasermather1993-feeling-guilty-about-not-working-how-do-you-cope

    Yes I felt guilty for years in always used to connect work to myself worth and I be honest when I first stopped working and someone asked me if I worked I said yes and when my daughters new partner came to meet me I did think I bet he thinks im bone idol and lazy so it does niggle at the back of my mind but the truth is I cant work so sorry to hear about your son scope is amazing always someone to talk to that really understands welcome

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 5,376 Championing

    I've always felt guilty for being on benefits. I put off applying for as long as possible but eventually had no other choice. Can't see that guilt ever stopping in my case.

    Must admit I don't like seeing people go right the other way and feel firmly entitled to everything they want because of a disability. That's not how my version of equality works.

    I'd just like to be somewhere in the middle I guess, not overly entitled, but also not guilty all the time.

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