My son has no future
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Since when has a lad with suicidal texts been described as ' normal '? Where's he sending them to? Is someone egging him on? Don't want to scare you but it'd have my alarm bells ringing.You don't need me to tell you that. Is there another GP on the practice he can see? Explain to him what you've told us. Dig your heels in.Where do you go from here? Obviously I don't know your son but he might be more likely to open up to the doctor if you're not actually in the consulting room. As others have said, A&E could be an option or the Samaritans are always there if he needs them .
I don't know what Discord is. Is it a group at school? What's going on there, is it making any difference? If it's not helping him can he have a referral to something that might? What have school got to say about it all? And ,please don't take this the wrong way, I certainly don't mean any offence. Is there anyone else he can talk to? I'm saying that because there's issues with my granddaughter at the moment. Bullying which was supposedly stopped but looks as if it's starting up again. I asked my granddaughter if she'd told her Mam and Dad about it but seems she hasn't so I'm glad she's talking to me. Don't let your lad keep it bottled up. He needs to be talking to someone. Who does he know he can talk to in confidence? Has he got grandparents? An Uncle or Aunty perhaps? Even a trusted neighbour? Anyone.
Thinking about taking him out of school. I can understand why you're thinking about it but the last thing you need is them after you for non attendance.
It's a difficult situation, I realise that. I just hope it can be rectified. Please let us know how he gets on. Good luck.
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Im sorry to hear this about your son, especially not getting the support he needs from his GP. If you do take him out of school that will trigger a visit from social services which could be to your advantage. if you explain how he is being bullied and suicidal feelings, no support from your GP, they will have to support you and your son and they could make a referral for him. There's still hope for a future, nobody knows what is around the corner, and with the right support, comes hope.
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I recommend contacting your local home ed group and finding out what activities are available. What you don't want is for your son to be too isolated.
I took two of mine out of school when they were 9 and 5 and overall I think it was for the best although my youngest, autistic child is still struggling, but that would have happened anyway I think. He has been suicidal on and off since he was seven:( But I think finding the alternative path of home education helped as did building resilience by helping him see that feelings pass and there will be better times. You need to try and stay positive about outcomes for him to show him how. Home education is not easy on the parent. You will need to pay attention to your own state of mind. It is a difficult path, but then so is forcing a miserable child to go to school knowing that it isn't actually in their best interests.
My children both did Maths and English GCSES at college, then A level equivalents and went to University. My youngest however didn't finish his degree as he couldn't cope and his mental health deteriorated then. The elder one eventually completed both his first degree and then a Masters and has a good job in a city Council's social services. Home education doesn't mean giving up on ambition for the child.
If I hadn't fallen apart home education would have been a complete success for us. Unfortunately we had no support when that happened and both of them suffered too.
So if you do it don't neglect yourself!! Although I had a lot more going on in my life than just home educating them. That wasn't the problem. It was actually good for me too and let me meet lots of really interesting people and go to home education camps and actually feel like I fit into a group for once. I highly recommend the camps if they still happen. I took them out of school in 1999. It's hard to think it was so long ago!!
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I took two of my children out of school in 1999 when they were 9 and 5. I still think it was the right thing to do. Both went to University afterwards. It doesn't mean that you have to give up on ambition for them. They got Maths and English GCSE at college and then did BTECs. My eldest went on to do a Masters degree too and now has a really good job.
Youngest didn't finish his because life went pear shaped as it so often does. Building resilience is essential. Things do get better, at least for a while. And black times make you appreciate the little things. The best thing you can do for your son is to be positive that he will have good times in his life which make living through the dark times worth it. Teenagers haven't experienced the cycle which is why they are so vulnerable to actually going through with suicide especially when exposed to negative social media. I am glad the only social media mine were exposed to was through games. That was early in Discord's history but it was overwhelmingly positive for them then. They both still use it.
Find out what local home education groups are in your area and help your son make new friends. Both of mine still have regular contact with the people they met at the groups and camps we went to. My eldest traveled round the country to various people's houses when he was a teenager and he really benefited. It let him see more of life than what I could provide as a single parent. I think it would have turned out badly for him if he had stayed in school.
You really need to be able to present it as a positive option for him if you do it and stay positive yourself. It will place even more responsibility on you. Be kind to yourself and good luck 🤞
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My daughter was 14 and couldn't cope with mainstream school, bullying, suicide thoughts , she was referred to a pediatrician who referred her to cahms, she was moved to a school with children who couldn't cope with mainstream school, she was also diagnosed with Autism. But it was a smaller school and less gcse pressure. Can you see a different doctor. My daughter was referred by the school nurse to the pediatrician
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Thank you all for your comments x
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#@Jane315STARX
Hi Jane,
I confess I have not read all of the response posts but wanted to add that your son can have a future and deserves a future that he can integrate into without feeling pressured or judged, although agreed sadly, it appears to be an up hill struggle. My (now adult son, with ADHD, Dyslexia and Oppositional Defiant Disorder) struggled through school was 'pushed' into college at 16 but worked hard for many years to achieve his goal of getting into University. He now has an IT degree. I have another friend whose son found school challenging but despite his Neuro diverse and Mental Health issues, holds down a job, has a partner and a son (about 5months old now) to support.
I wonder if your son has a formal diagnosis and if so has he been under the school's SENCO? I appreciate from hearing other peoples experiences that this is very challenging for everyone. However, your son deserves an education regardless of how he receives it. Has he ever been referred to CAMHs? If he is approaching 16 unfortunately, he will probably fall outside of their remit. I found that once my son reached 16, CAMHs no longer would support him.
For his Mental Wellbeing and your own wellbeing, it would seem very sensible to see a GP with a more caring attitude than the one you describe. I would also consider contacting your local Education Authority and make a complaint that they are failing your son be not providing education that meets his needs and that they need to investigate why your son is being treated so badly plus bullied within school which in this day and age should be of 0 tolerance and this needs to be addressed with the school as well directly.
I am really sorry to hear how these situations are impacting on you both as they do. I hope that you can find a way to face these difficult challenges that helps you both through very stressful and difficult time. I hope that by seeing that other people have managed to survive their own problems you can find strength and be encouraged to try any way possible to obtain the help and support needed for you both. Good luck!
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Has your son tried any mock GCSE's out of interest? Personally I found many of the actual tests to be easier than school life. Being asked a very direct question or given multiple choice worked well for me.
The ones I struggled with were the ones where I was given a vague question and asked to write a paragraph or more about it. Or worse still, to speak about something! I did pass most of my GCSEs with fairly average scores. The worst ones were both English and French, where I scored the same grade in both, despite having been brought up with English from birth, and only learning French for around 4 years. Looking back now it does surprise me that no-one considered I might have diagnosable communication issues in school.
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The interesting thing reading all of your comments is how there is an element of normality about each of your comments.I really do appreciate the time you have all put in to trying to help in this situation.
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clearly public schools are indoctrination centres and are clearly toxic
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I use Discord alot to speak to my gaming friends, its basically chat rooms/threads/posts and voice chat rooms on personal private/public servers. I wouldn't recommend it to young teens though due to too many risks and safeguarding concerns as its anoymous and unless you know the person you can't know for sure who someone is. Which is a huge concern when it comes to children.
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