Reading sons Evaluation
I have just read my sons mental health evaluation.I have so many mixed emotions.My first was extreme sadness.It was good this Psychiatrist had clearly grasped his personality so clearly and deeply.But it also clarified my own concerns of him maybe being narcissistic.Its clearly evident in this evaluation and the very clever way its written and worded that is what he is presenting as.Clearly he is too young to be diagnosed yet but is demonstrating all the signs ( which ive recognised in both his father and my own mum),but both entirely different I.e covert and overt narcissists.This Psychiatrist identified my sons 'lack of' certain things.This is too detailed for me to go into on this platform but for me I totally understand.The question is what can I do?.The answer really is nothing.I have brought him up surrounded by love,I have researched the life out of this subject so that im not overly indulgent and so he is not in an enmeshed relationship.I have read that serial killers etc often have close relationships with their mothers because they were so looked after but lack empathy towards them etc.I have always shown my son love,given him my time beyond anyone I've ever known.Ive shown him emotions and what they are and mean unyet he doesn't show them back or seem to care.I have so many answers for everyone else's complex issues as there mostly seems to be a suitable solution.But this is confirmation now of what I knew but didnt want to know.
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Hi @Jane315STARX, that must have been difficult to read. It sounds like you care deeply and you've been doing all you can to help him understand himself.
Perhaps if he's got ongoing contact with psychiatric teams it may be worth asking them whether there is anything you can do to help him. There might be books that you could read or ways to support him through life considering what you now know of his mental health. Hopefully they can give you some guidance on the best ways forward.
Hope you're managing to look after yourself too 💛
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Hi Rosie,thank you for your kind response x.Unfortunately my experience with narcissists is there is nothing that can be done to help as such.There is no book out there that can detail what lies ahead unfortunately or help with what I know is coming.I suppose it sort of helps not being in denial but its soul destroying to know that I have created a narcissist.My only mission now is to make sure that he doesn't have a partner because I couldn't possibly let anyone go through what I've endured.I know that it wont necessarily be anything like what I've been through.But judging by the behaviours I've already observed and a professional has now noted that's clarification.
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Jane I'm so sorry you're having yet more upsetting times.
I can't offer any advice, but you are certainly not to take any blame in this. From all you've posted and all we've seen here in your story this certainly can't be put at your door, you truly have done a splendid job and care deeply.
He's still young enough to change and evolve, don't give up.
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Thank you x.This is not new news really I am just absolutely physically and mentally exhausted.The odd thing is im not actually depressed at the moment.I was going over things in my mind last night and realised that the worst thing in my life has already happened.I have visions of me talking about all this to my future therapist ( upcoming) and it being some incompetent person ( remember how fussy and picky I am!).I think im going to be very direct because I feel like I have nothing to lose I wont be rude though as I would never want to hurt anyone's feelings.How are you?
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In general not Great, but don't take on my worries too lol!
unfortunately you do have to be direct sometimes, like when I'm in appointments I'll ask outright "do I have anything to worry about" regarding tests and "expected" results or "And you're certain it's not this disease or that part of my body causing it"
it boils down to years of being bullied, abused, lied to and simply out of control anxiety.
The day before my granddad died I outright asked the consultant "is he going to die" she said "absolutely not, this isn't severe or complex" he died the next day and she ran away when she saw me in the corridor, these sort of things shaped my now even more direct questions in appointments.
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My answer went in the spam filter 🙄 lol, so you'll get it tomorrow.
but basically don't worry about me I'll be ok and sometimes unfortunately you have to be direct and to the point to get the truthful answer.
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How odd I didnt know there was a spam filter.I hope you are ok though x.Its nice being on here isn't it.It does help getting your thoughts out or helping others.
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Take care of yourself, im sure with you by his side to guide him he can still have a great life. This doesn't always mean hes going to 100% turn out bad, just means its another hurdle to jump.
I know its tough but try not to overthink too much at this stage, take each day as they come.
Take care were here if you need us.
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Thank you.Yes good advice,each day as it comes
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I appreciate your caring my original answer is shown above now Rachel cleared it.
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@Nightcity I am sorry I've just seen your message this morning.I can totally understand the way you do.These things do stay with us a lifetime and sometimes ( I know I certainly do) we can go over and over a situation in our minds just rerunning it.You know that this person was another example of someone who was either incompetent or could/should of done things in a completely different way.What I can say without any doubt without having even not knowing your beloved Granddad is how incredibly proud of how much emotion and thought you put in to help into helping others on here.Your words are valuable,YOU are valuable.X
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That genuinely means the world to me especially right now. It goes right back and applies to you too.
Are you feeling any better today? I hope so you've certainly been through a lot in a short time.
How is your son? any improvement since last weeks thread?
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I am glad X.My son is exactly the same,I don't anticipate any change.I have come out for the first time in over 4 weeks because I have a drs appointment.It feels very odd being outside in the world.I have my food and all else delivered so other than drs,dentist and a haircut I dont need to go out really.Im absolutely dreading Christmas as its just myself and my son at home for over 2 weeks.I really hate this time of year.There is no point making any suggestions of doing things ( before anyone does) as since the age of about 10 I've been trying desperately and everything has failed
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I hope you have a good day x
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I hear you same here, seldom go out have panic attacks or autistic meltdowns when I do, always just me and.mum.
Christmas is hard here too because even when I had a larger family I was never a fan I went through the charade because my nan absolutely loved it so I did her decorations,tree etc and made it all great for her, since she died in 2013 I treat it as a normal day pretty much, I put the Christmas songs on the radio station annually because listeners want them, and I have two days off my low calorie diet otherwise absolutely zero changes.
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I tend to have a busy build up to Christmas week, then all goes quiet, then I'm ticking off the days until the normal things that keep me going mentally resume in January. Very hard to keep occupied and in a reasonable mood. I've also tried all sorts over the years to plug the gap!
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Omg its 3 weeks this year
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sorry for being dense what's three weeks?
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Ive just realised that my son is off school for three weeks during the Christmas period
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aww I see, I don't have a child I did once but that's a long painful story, so I've never had to keep up with term dates, do you think you'll be able to cope?
you always have the forum, you have friends here.
Do you think respite care occasionally would be a helpful option.
A friend of mine can't deal with six weeks in the summer so has her son have respite care for one week of the period, he apparently enjoys it and they do exciting things.
I realise your son is likely more like me than her son in likely not coping with routine change though.
anyway just s passing thought.
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