Neurodivergent son being taking advantage of
So my mum who is a narcissist and whom I haven't spoken to for many years has ACTUALLY phoned me today to say that she is concerned about my son over this situation with this girl.So know I know the situation is bad!.The question what can/do I do about it?.In brief my son got chatting with a girl who used to go to his school but was apparently put into care because of some kind of abusive situation.According to my mums observerd secretly listening to the conversations.They are very controlling on her side,sexually explicit and also involve talk of her self harming.My son is totally obsessed with her ( even though he's only known her for 5 days and they haven't actually met up as she's in the care home).But wants to buy her Christmas gifts and they are telling eachother they love each other.in between her saying she is going to stab her face!.This is clearly a very damaging situation for my son to be on.Can someone please give me some advice on the best person to contact
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I can only advise if it was me and my child,
given the uniqueness of the situation his phone and internet access need complete removal. absolutely and immediate cut off of contact. if need be snap the sim card and call the police and care home she's in to have a review of the situation and cut off contact also at the other end.
There's potential for all sorts of dangerous scenarios if this contact continues.
best wishes to you Jane
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I dont know which care home she's in
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Since writing this post back in December a lot has happened.The police,social services and the school and camhs are involved.My son was told to stop all contact with her.He lied to everyone and secretly continued even after being given the evidence that she had coerced another boy in his school via the Internet at the same time.It appears my son is very emotionally damaged anyway and doesn't understand that its not normal the types of things that he was saying either.From the social services point of view they say that she is extremely vulnerable because of what has happened to her previously which is what is causing these behaviours.I have no idea how to help my son but ive now got social services in outlook lives ,my narcissist mother and no access to therapy now because they are saying I have to have therapy through early help which means ill be judged how I parent my son
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Thinking of you @Jane315STARX. It's a really tough situation and I hope things start getting easier for you and your son soon.
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Extremely difficult jane but surly social services come across this everyday with teenagers with mental health issues ? It's good your aware of this girl and what is happening its really tricky because affairs of the heart emotions feelings very heightened apart from locking doors taking internet access away he may always find away to communicate and the more you verbalise this to him the more he may push back its so so hard with therapy could you try again and explain to the therapist your lack of trust in them is because of past experiences and it's left you very guarded because unless you say you would harm yourself in your sessions they cannot give out any information and make it clear to them thats what your asking for 100 percent up front trust I feel it's so important for you to have someone to talk too it's a head banging time when young people start maturity add adhd autism bpd oh boy a world of emotions my daughter was pretty bad god amount of times I had my eye at her bedroom door and hearing her crying door slamming me locking the door the works she passed through this and I'm sure you and your son will infatuation is a very strong emotion and we pull our hair out thinking we done something wrong and it takes you back to past experiences ie psychiatrist and fighting for your son this isnt a parental wrong doing this is your son developing feelings which he thinks are real and navigating that so hard as a bystander who loves him and wants to protect him your being a good mum xx
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The child psychiatrist has actually said this particular situation is new territory for him based on the very damaged and incredibly shocking text messages my son has sent before and historically.its not merely a question of a relationship between neurodivergent children but something much more damaged that nobody seems to have a handle on.Because I am now hearing this and feel totally vulnerable to everyone I feel utterly helpless.As I can now not even go to my sons school as I feel they have been told I have a history of mental illness so are looking at me through completely different eyes.I dont see how anything positive can now come from this situation if the one thing I was trying to get is now gone,I cannot leave my home at all.I have social workers coming into my home so nothing is in my control.even my mother is back in my life and there is nothing I can do
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I'm so sorry to hear your still struggling with this, I don't have a mature mind myself so don't know how to help you much. I have the mental age of a teenager still however I really wish I could help you in some way and you're really struggling and your empathy is coming through alot with what you write.
Would it be worth looking into a break for you and your son(s) (I'm sure you said you have 2 sons) and get away for abit, no phones, no laptops etc just simply time for you and your son(s) to bond again and forget about the world for abit. Even if its not a long break and just a weekend could do the world of good for you and your son(s).
If its anything similar to what I have and been through in the past, relationships become all consuming and kinda like an addiction. Will always thinking about how they can please them, or make them like you even more but will start mimicking them and start acting like them, sharing the same interests and wanting to do everything together to the point its over consuming for the other person and will constantly get bombarded with questions of doubt until the relationship ends. When relationships end its like the end of the world, will literally blame myself for everything, punish myself and shut myself away, It takes roughly around a month - 2 months to get over a person for me.
The only way I can put it is relationships are like a drug, and you have to go "cold turkey" to fully get over a person.
I'm not 100% saying your son is like me, but does share similar behaviours. Hence why I don't do relationships with people, I'm not good in relationships and it always without a doubt affects my mental health.
Hope you find peace and answers soon, take care.
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Yes I can relate to what your saying about relationships was same for me when I was younger was like a drug to me it's very hard its like you have to go through all the pain and emotions total obsessed
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Oh jane im so sorry I totally totally understand the school part and people knowing your business but thats what you think they are thinking honestly this day and age many many people will understand and probley have mental health themselves i say this as a mum and I felt exactly the same as you I felt judged scared fearful the thought of people thinking I was a bad mum consumed me and actually stopped me from being a mum for a good couple of years I didn't want to say or do anything wrong I was terrified and from my personal experience people control you by using your mental health to keep you in thier vice this is a journey with your son step by step day by day it's hard as your so emotionally connected and you want to do everything you possibly can and you are keep a little part for yourself be kind to yourself your doing amazing love will always guide you through the good and bad times noting stronger than a mothers love you show that big hugs
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The day before Yesterday I contacted my gp in tears but could only get through to the receptionist.she said she would make an appointment today.but ive recieved a text to say unfortunately they are unable to facilitate this due to a lack of staff. Nobody has contacted me or my son from camhs or social services since last week.the specialist psychotherapy I was supposed to have over a year ago has basically said that in an email the early help that ive organised for my son is sufficient for me too.I have done everything I can possibly do now
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I personally think that the Camhs dr can see my son has a likelihood of doing something stupid.I am the only safe measure.He doesn't want anything that could happen reflecting badly on him in the same way the specialist therapist can see the same of me.So they dont want me under their care ( understandable really).Nobody can give their true thoughts because it would be highly unethical.So they give a standard line of "you are not ready for therapy,or we feel you are best suited...).
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You have jane more than everything are you managing to eat and get some sleep these organisations come in and out and leave people very unsettled even my psychiatrist said the way the mental health system is run in this country does let people down at this point it's about building yourself back up bit by bit being realistic of what you can do like you said you have contacted everyone you have engaged and been reaching out I think social workers see all manor of people families they know when parents love thier kids and are doing everything possible you may think at times your not coping and really overwelmed but you are stronger than you think some people would crumble but you get up everyday and try your hardest trust me when your sons older he will remember you having his back hold in there x
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Thank you for this lovely reply its extremely compassionate and It means a lot especially as I know you that you have an understanding of the system.What concerns me is that Professionals are just basically going through the motions and missing the vitals.They haven't the the time to look into the complexity of my sons situation nor mine ( which is unimportant really to me at present).I can see that my son is showing all the signs of what will go on to be an adult stalker or worse.Why nobody is taking this seriously or even speaking to him about these text messages,thought patterns etc other than me ( whom he thinks is just his owns mum rambling on).This is extremely serious stuff and For anyone with a daughter I would warn them NOT to get involved.He attracts damaged people and he in turn is very damaged.I think he has a fear of abandonment,anxiety and being extremely badly bullied has made all of this worse.
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It's so so hard as you know your son inside out without sounding negative i think most organisations ie hospitals doctors most care professions overworked underpaid no funding just the whole collapse of all our services and people suffer and fall through the gaps or as your doing trying your hardest to get proper treatment I started advocating for myself the last few years but before that especially when I was younger I couldn't i hid in my room all you can do is what your doing as draining frustrating and overwhelming just keep advocating eventually hopefully the ball gets rolling keep telling yourself im trying my best everyday because it's easy to blame ourselves and really degrade ourselves be kind and compassionate with yourself i know the fear runs deep and it's alot more than teenage sweethearts because I was probley that girl in the home with bpd at the same age so two people connecting with real life issues is toxic and you see it so clearly very hard situation and I totally get it if you have to keep emailing cams do it keep talking to the doctor I did it until I got heard every other day I was emailing doctor gateway im sending big hugs x
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