Addictions

Three years ago I was drinking Three bottles of wine everywhere day and the days I wasn't drinking id take sleeping tablets I wanted to be completely numb remembering the next day checking my phone to see if I called anyone or posted on Facebook then one day my friend called me and said your daughters out of her mind with worry she knows your drinking my response was i am not she's lying !!! Then I relize i called her a lier i phoned the doctors that day and got referred to turning point in three years I've had one relapse so the journey of not drinking hasn't been easy because being in the present moment with constant noise in my head 24/7 and the constant fear I'm in trouble or something bad will happen is truly robbing my soul but I must look back and be proud that I did stop 51 years of my life I've been in survival mode im only just beginning to touch the surface with unpacking my life never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd have cptsd but looking into it makes so much sense I see people's post on here and it reminds me of my past that I buried along the way it makes me see you can overcome so many battles this last week I've allowed myself to rest well as much as I can with this mind I've stayed in bed i was beating myself up but decided to tell myself it is what it is I'm always living in the future it's like a film in my head I'm the staring role in my film I'm losing everything being carted off to Docks always always bad things all the possibilities all my fears played out everyday in my mind like rewinded on a dvd player what blows my mind is thier is people like me we all suffer the same and what my psychiatrist said as a child I was learning to survive my caregivers that hit home anyway thought I'd share