Advice on dating as a disabled person

JNL05
JNL05 Online Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
in Relationships

hi my name is Joey. I’m 20 years old and have been struggling with the process of trying to date someone. Has anybody got any advice?

Comments

  • Chris75_
    Chris75_ Online Community Member Posts: 4,454 Championing

    My advice is to stay away from dating sites. I bet you would do much better participating in local activities in the community.

  • Fairyopi
    Fairyopi Online Community Member Posts: 13 Contributor

    I agree with @Chris75_

    In my experience, dating sites are pretty toxic playgrounds and I gave up on them really quickly.

    My advice would be to join clubs and classes that interest you. That way, you will find someone with similar interests 😊 the more you socialise, the more chance you have. If you aren’t able to get out nd about so often then virtual versions of these classes and forums are great ways to meet people organically.

    I met my man when I gave up on love and started focusing on myself. Met him through a friend, randomly.

    Best of luck x

  • SaraC_Scope
    SaraC_Scope CP Network, Scope Posts: 383 Empowering

    I agree with @Chris75_ and @Fairyopi

    I struggled with the dating scene at your age. This was the late 90's and I was still trying to feel accepted by society. I was aware I was judged because of my cerebral palsy and epilepsy.

    One evening a friend asked me out for a drink and whilst I was dancing, a guy approached me and we got chatting. 30 years later we've recently celebrated 26th wedding anniversary.

    The right people will come into your life at the right time.

    Take care.

  • Lucy_Scope
    Lucy_Scope Posts: 173 Cerebral Palsy Network

    Hi @JNL05 ,

    I have cerebral palsy.

    I know online dating can be divisive. But that is how I met my long-term non-disabled boyfriend. One of my cerebral palsy friends met her fiancé on Bumble. It is possible.

    My main advice would be to create a profile that reflects you. I love animals, coffee, and reading, which was reflected in my profile.

    I remember being very nervous on my first date. Especially, my now boyfriend seeing my leg orthotic. But I took control, and laughed that it looks like a football shinpad. It was a great way to break the ice.

    I have realised that the right person will never view you as 'too much.' All my worries about my disability, my boyfriend has never seen me as less than.

    I hope this positive story gives you hope in your dating journey.

    Best wishes,

    Lucy

  • Chris75_
    Chris75_ Online Community Member Posts: 4,454 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1098156#Comment_1098156

    I'm glad online dating worked for you, and tbh, I met a few ladies that way after my divorce.

    It all depends on one's circumstances. I feel we have to be honest about how we will present to a prospective partner.

    In the short space of time it took for me to look disabled and become a benefit claimant, I went from a date every week, to virtually nothing.

    It is harder from a man's point of view, because ladies have told me they get hundreds of messages, and so are increasing discerning. This may not always be the case of course.

    The last woman I met via a dating site (2014), she laughed and called me pathetic, right there in my own home. I've never bothered trying again, and I doubt my powerchair would have improved my chances tbh.

  • Kimi87
    Kimi87 Online Community Member Posts: 8,160 Championing

    I've tried online dating, I've tried focusing on myself, taking part in hobbies & being active in different social groups, I've tried leaving it to fate...

    At the age of 38 I'm still single & alone, having only ever had one short relationship of a few months.

    Wish I had better answers for you.

  • MissMarple
    MissMarple Online Community Member Posts: 219 Empowering

    I think online dating requires caution and thick skin. The amount of abuse, rejection and scammers you might meet, you'll need to have a certain attitude and let it roll off you, otherwise it can get depressing. I couldn't do it.

    Something like a local club that you regularly visit, if you are able to, should provide opportunities to meet new people. I used to go to meetup groups and community events before I became housebound. Libraries tend to have various social groups, or look up charities in your area.

  • MissMarple
    MissMarple Online Community Member Posts: 219 Empowering

    It can be disheartening when you do everything you can and it's still not happening @Kimi87 On one hand, we have examples of people finding their partner which can give you hope, but there's no guarantee that it will ever happen to us. I'm only a few years older than you and some days I think "Will I ever, ever, kiss someone again?"

    Truly awful how that woman from the dating app spoke to you @Chris75_ What a miserable life she must have if she goes out of her way to meet up with someone only to behave like this. Women tend to have lots of messages on dating apps, yes, but the quality of those messages… My favourite was a guy that started his first message with a list of his demands. E.g. I should not talk to anyone else on the app, I should dress a certain way etc. By the end of his list he was basically calling me names if I wasn't interested in this fantastic opportunity having him as a partner… It saves you time when you don't get any approach.

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