Struggling with autism

asmkq · January 30

Hi all,

I’ve recently been diagnosed with autism (not a surprise) I am comfortable with my diagnosis however I can’t help but feel really stuck and lost.

I wanted more for myself, I wanted to travel and experience different cultures and experience new things but my autism really holds me back. I never wanted to climb the corporate ladder or strive to work for someone else. I have tried multiple jobs the past 15 years and I feel useless because I can’t do them without having severe burnout and my mental health plummeting.

I guess what I’m trying to ask is, is this it?

The nurse that specialises in autism that I had my assessment with told me to reach out to charities for help. What kind of help would be given?

I would love to not rely on my parents so much and be more independent. I have a couple of hobbies but the concept of the hobby is that you have to make money on it and I’m currently in receipt of a benefit. It’s also not available in the Uk yet and the other one you also have to make money off. It feels like I am stuck at everything I try and do I am limited.

I hope this isn’t a close minded negative view but I just wanted to ask if anyone is or was in the same boat and managed to make something out of it despite the difficulties? I am so burnt out from masking my whole life and now finally I have an answer to how I am nobody understands and I feel very isolated.

Kiki23 · January 30

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETQk0bniSuU

Sharing is caring 💚

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuNCL7spFNs

Biblioklept · January 30

I think a diagnosis can go two ways for people, either they lean into it and see it as a cage or a limit to their potential, or they can view it as just part of them and help to understand themselves and find ways to work around the things they find difficult, not avoid.

It's SO important to remember that life can be uncomfortable at times, it's okay to do things that scare you or you find hard or even don't really want to do, if its part of the path towards what you want. For growth you need to be prepared to be uncomfortable and challenge yourself. ❤️

If you always avoid the things that make you uncomfortable your cage shrinks and you can't grow!

There are so many extremely successful autistic people. There are so many autistic people who travel. Who lead. Who create change. Who experience new things and see the world and make it work for them.

It's not your autism holding you back. If it was, no autistic person would ever be able to. Instead of labelling the cause as your diagnosis, look at the smaller details.

Biblioklept · January 30

An example from my own life:

I can't socialise because I'm autistic ——> absolves me of responsibility but not helpful and leaves me caged

I find socialising difficult because I'm autistic ——> absolves me of responsibility but not helpful and leaves me caged

I find socialising difficult because I get embarrased about saying the wrong things ——> More helpful and more honest, and admitting this I can look at ways to feel less embarrased or challenge those thoughts

I worry I'm not good enough and people are judging me ——> very vulnerable to admit and realise the issue is actually largle my self esteem and beliefs about other people, this is something I can work on. It's harder, it means I have to take responsibility but it's possible.

Yes, the ultimate cause is autism, I AM autistic, I will find socialising harder, I will get judged, but the issues I have socialising can be challenged and addressed, especially when you're prepared to get vulnerable and go into the details, not just limit it as "I can't do this because I've got autism" ❤️

asmkq · January 30

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1098517#Comment_1098517

Thank you for this, it looks very interesting and something I’d like to watch

asmkq · January 30

Thank you for taking the time to write your insight.
I do agree that how we speak to ourselves is very important and not putting ourselves in a box. However, I have a disability that I can’t just make my autism go away by how I speak to myself or push myself to do more things that scare me. This is not how autism works and I’m not trying to label myself with anything.
I do small things everyday to help myself.
My nervous system is completely deregulated from growing up with a dysfunctional family and not getting the help I truly needed. Which has lead me to unfortunately have chronic illnesses because my body has been in fight or flight mode for most of my life and I’m only just learning about myself and trying to be kinder to myself and try to put me first for once.
I get the point you’re trying to make but Autism is a spectrum. It’s not a one size fits all.

Kiki23 · January 30

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKbVHucTXFY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KElq6mRPrZM

asmkq · January 31

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1098585#Comment_1098585

I follow this lovely lady on TikTok, I really like her and how she explains things, she is a wonderful human being. P.s I love your profile pic, I also have a tuxedo cat that looks exactly like yours ☺️

Biblioklept · January 31

Oh dear I think the things I said didn’t quite land how I had intended and im sorry if I upset you @asmkq !!

I know when I was first diagnosed I went through a period of grief, thinking of all the things I couldn’t do now. And it took a lot of self work and therapy to realise that’s what was holding me back - not the autism itself.

Don’t let your mindset be what’s limiting you. Being autistic doesn’t make anything suddenly out of reach. Some things may be harder or need to be done differently but that doesn’t mean they're impossible ❤️

I always think of the 4 minute mile anecdote where athletes, coaches and actual scientists believed it was physically impossible for a human to break a 4 minute mile, it was thought of as a limit, an absolute certainty.
Then when Roger Bannister did it, people realised it was possible and suddenly within just weeks multiple other runners suddenly were able to. They hadn’t improved or changed in that time, the world hadn’t shifted, their fitness hasn’t improved so much that the were suddenly able to do what they couldn’t before - what changed was their mindset.
The limit was a mental barrier, believing it wasn’t possible, not a physical one.

I’m saying don’t let your mindset around autism be a barrier to you doing the things you want to do ❤️

Kiki23 · February 1

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1098597#Comment_1098597

Ahhh Thank you @asmkq

The picture is of my beautiful Whiskaz who sadly passed over the rainbow bridge 2 years ago 🌈 He was such a handsome gentle darling to me and I still miss him very much….

Im happy to hear you have a cat too. Their pure unconditional love really does help us in more ways than 1 right? What's the name of your fluffball if you don't mind me asking ????

Struggling with autism

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