Asexuality and Autism

This is something I find very interesting.

I don't classify myself as anything yet. I still don't really know even after so many years on this planet. (Unless I'm just in denial?) When it comes to filling in forms I still put 'prefer not to answer'.

I've never had any desire for a physical relationship with anyone. But I also hate being touched in any way at all. And am incredibly sensitive to being touched anywhere by anything. When I was younger I was constantly being told that things 'didn't hurt' or 'can't be that bad'. After a while I thought people were just lying to me to make their own lives/jobs easier in the short term. But it's only in the last 5 years or so I've realised they may actually be experiencing the same things in a very different way than I do. And if that is the case then it means there can't be any 'help' with my conditions, as other people would never be able to understand them from my perspective.

In addition to that, I find bodies (mine, other humans, even animals) to be 'repulsive' for want of a better word! It's the physical feelings of bodily processes that I find intolerable, and obviously there is never any escape from them. I am also incredibly physically empathetic and often feel any sort of pain or discomfort that I see or hear in others, in my own body at the same time. So have to try and block that as much as I can, which can make me seem harsh and insensitive, when the reality is the complete opposite.

This has had a huge impact on my life because family members and health professionals were always pushing their agenda about finding me a conventional partner, instead of trying to help with the actual health conditions of finding basic daily life intolerable. I understand their lives are all about finding partners and being with people for as many years as they can, but that was never the direction mine would take.

I can see when a person looks attractive compared to 'average' people, so thought that would rule me out of the asexual label, but as you say it's a spectrum, perhaps not. I haven't been diagnosed with Autism as I can't access the assessment now, but am almost certain that I'm on the Autistic spectrum based on the over-sensitivities that I have, the fact that I don't have any desire for the 'standard' life path of finding a partner and having kids, and the fact that I get constantly misunderstood in real life, as if I'm speaking a different language.

When i was younger it was always the person i was attracted too i have to admit was a total nightmare being in relationships as i do not like touch either and im highly intuned to people and foumd it impossible to control my feelings so i drank alot to try to be what society expects looking back was so so hard and made me hate myself even more was a really really bad time thinking about it i think its amazing you have insight and are hapoy in your own company because trying to conform causes great mental anxiety accepting what you can and cant tolerate is freeing i spent 40 years trying it nearly kill me i spend all my time on my own and im at peace woth that occasionally i spend time with people on my terms are i umderstand i am drained by certain people and i can only mask for so long who says we should be in relationships married its good you understand yourself at a young age cuts out all the white noise

Thanks Adrian. I had heard of SPD but never really looked into it.

My main focus has been more practical, trying to physically reduce or remove some of the external sensory triggers so that I could hopefully cope better with a smaller number of sensory inputs at any one time. Unfortunately that involves moving to a different type of property which doesn't seem to be any closer now than it was 5 years ago. I don't feel like I have the spare capacity to be working on any sort of therapy in my current property, where I constantly feel stretched to the limit now. SDP is certainly something I would look further into if I could get the basic practical needs under control well enough to access and attempt therapy again.