Autistic son ruins his dads love life
I am concerned about why does my 58 year old ex partner allow his 14 year old autistic son's hatred of women to get to the extent he won't speak to order food at expensive restaurants ''goes mute'' leaving his dad to order food for him, puts a strain on the relationship when we were together by not talking directly to me not even for clean bedding having a messy bedroom and father so angry he grabbed my arm in temper and left me feeling unloved that night. The final straw came a few weeks ago the dad did not tell me about british gas cancellation to check the boiler in his house by text message when i was upstairs in his house, only shows me paperwork after they had been and asked if I had heard the drilling or not and I said no! One time he threw his sons dirty laundry into the garden after not doing his own laundry for a week! We argued this morning as I refuse to unblock him on whatsapp not wanting to hear slurs about the laundry in their house or anything to undermine me. He claims his son is waiting for CAMHS mental health support but I do not know anymore.
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I am considered about why does my ex partner allow his 14 year old autistic son's hatred of women to get to the extent he won't speak to order food at expensive restaurants ''goes mute'' leaving his dad to order food for him, puts a strain on the relationship when we were together by not talking directly to me not even for clean bedding having a messy bedroom and father so angry he grabbed my arm in temper and left me feeling unloved that night. The final straw came a few weeks ago the dad did not tell me about british gas cancellation to check the boiler in his house by text message when i was upstairs in his house, only shows me paperwork after they had been and asked if I had heard the drilling or not and I said no!
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That sounds like a very stressful situation for everyone involved. Parenting a teenager with autism can be extremely challenging, especially when there are behaviour and communication issues, but it also seems like the tension in the household was affecting you a lot. It might be best to keep some distance for now and focus on your own wellbeing while they work through getting the support they need.
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Thank you for confirming the problem is in their household that's why I came home weeks ago.
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The father's reply at least the boiler was serviced
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Hello @sweetwoman23 it does sound like a stressful situation for everyone involved.
Does your ex partners son live with him full time or does he also see his mother? His hate for women could be connected to what relationship he has with his mother.
Being a teenager is difficult time for a lot of children with changes to their bodies and emotions and can cause friction in any home.
Autistic teenagers may experience challenges in recognising and expressing emotions, which can make it difficult for them to manage their feelings.
Lots of teenagers have messy bedrooms, move something though and they know.
He might find being in a restaurant with lots of back ground noise overwhelming and that is why he is not able to order his own food.
Hopefully he will not have to wait to much longer to get CAMHS mental health support.
Perhaps he is happier when it is just him and his dad, and just needs time and support to accept anyone else into his life.
Your ex partner is probably trying to juggle spending time with you with his son's needs and will sometimes get it wrong.
I do think you have done the right thing for yourself by moving back to your own home. Perhaps you could visit for an hour every few days and try and build up a relationship with his father and his son and gradually stay longer and see how things go. Or walk away if that is what you have decided.
Please take care of yourself and good luck whatever you decide.
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My ex partner son lives full time with the dad [location removed] the kid had no contact with biological mother a court order against her from year ago a history of abuse when the boy was young and living with the mum and the dad (my former partner was living in [location removed]) he has 2 sisters aged 12 and 13 both disabled incontinent sensory issues and ADHD sufferer.
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Hi @sweetwoman23, hope you're doing okay. Sorry to hear that your relationship ended under strain, that all sounds quite difficult to deal with. How are you feeling about it now?
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Well the dad has sent me Facebook friend requests but I haven't dealt with them yet as cautious about what's going on in his house 🤔
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If you're not acceptable and understanding of you're ex-partners son's Autism, then its best you stay away from that relationship.
These arn't bad behaviors nor does it show clearly his dislike in women, these are normal for an autistic individual and if you want to be in a relationship with someone you should be more considerate of his son's conditions.
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Then they shouldn't date the dad if they can't accept their son. You can't date someone and expect them to drop their other family members just becuase it doesn't please you or you don't have the patience with them. If your going to date someone, especially someone with children you have to accept the whole family.
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the son often sings in the shower ''stirring'' i think it's called. He does not like me in the kitchen in their house when he is home from special needs school to load the dishwasher of dirty plates etc before the dad cooks dinner, mainly it's the refusal of eye contact and all I know is the son cried over the weekend because of what made me decide to come home
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The dad telling me today whilst the son is at school that he is not sure but he thinks it is about his biological mum the trauma that's a court order been held against her for years no contact.. i asked him to speak to [the son] when he home from school later as I need to know why he sad I haven't been around their house last few weeks?
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You do realise you are naming names and locations? It's not acceptable.
As a parent of a child with autism, I would be telling my partner we are a package so if they wanted to be part of my life that would have to educate themselves on my child's needs. Lack of eye contact is not because he's misogynistic, it's more likely he doesn't feel comfortable around you and that would be any partner, not specifically because you are a female.
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I have asd and so does my daughter who is now grown and lives with me. She also has bpd.
What wrong with the son singing in the shower!. You seem to be finding faults with the son and not look at his good points. Non eye contact is part of autism and some have it more than others. Tend to mask. It has nothing to do with you being a woman. Messy bedroom, my daughter 26 ,you should see hers.
I think you should also read up on Autism either a book or online. Teenagers going through puberty is harder enough but when they have additional needs, it's twice as hard. The son also as you said experience trauma in earlier life, so again that will also impact on him. Cahms hopefully can help. I don't want to sound harsh but you need to take time out and really think do you want to be In the relationship.
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