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I feel alone every day of my life

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  • millie72
    millie72 Community member Posts: 27 Courageous
    Thank u chloe, thank u for your support , xx
  • mike62
    mike62 Community member Posts: 34 Courageous
    Good evening @millie72 glad you have had a chat with people and felt good to release some of your feelings. Reading the community has opened my eyes as to how many people are alone or struggling with pain and disability. 
    With people writing about it maybe some good ideas will come out of it.
    Hope you have a good evening today Millie.  6pm Thurs 24th. 
  • millie72
    millie72 Community member Posts: 27 Courageous
    Bless u mike62, it loverly to read all the tex,s from loverly people like yourself,  i feel the lowest at night , when id care for mum, and then take millie for a walk ,, its been a routine for sometime , so i read all the loverly tex,s ,from people like yourself ,  it as helped me so much , thank u very much for caring ,x
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,007 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @millie72 - & welcome from me too to this very supportive community. Thank you so much for letting us know what you've been through & the immense difficulties this has caused. I hope some of the advice you've already received may prove helpful.

    From a personal point of view, I'd say you carry your Mum in your heart, & she will always be there as long as you live. It does take time, but I hope one day you will smile at the good memories you shared, as I'm sure your Mum would also wish.

    I also imagine lying on a warm beach, the waves washing over me, & as they recede it takes my pain away; somewhat similar to what @WhileIBreathIHope mentioned, who has also given great advice on taking just small steps to better help you.

    I do understand your legs feeling like jelly sensation, as I had this following a fractured hip (on top of the other problems I have!). I thought I would never get outside again, but my garden got me out.....it's not much, just decking & 4 raised beds. I would be stuck in the house without this little bit of 'garden.' Exercise does help; just going outside, so it's great to read you are trying this. The more you try, the easier it will become.

    Anyway, very pleased to 'meet' you, & hope you know that you're no longer alone. I look forward to hearing from you again anytime.

  • millie72
    millie72 Community member Posts: 27 Courageous
    My dear chobbly, your word,s , are so hart ,felt , i felt every word, as i read your loverly tex to me , i will read it over ,and over , agajn my love , sending best whisher,s , and with great , warmth , millie72 xxx
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,007 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi again @millie72 How have you been today. We've had a lot of very welcome sunshine; I hope you had the same, & managed to get a little bit of fresh air.

    Do you have a garden, or a bit of outside space.... somewhere nice to sit? I'm just thinking it's about time I bought some bulbs for the pots just outside my patio doors, so there's a splash of colour I can see in the spring.....anything but daffodils, as I'm not fussed on the colour yellow....'tho I've still got one yellow nasturtium that sneaked in amongst the red & orange ones!

    Another sunny day tomorrow, so I hope you may get outside a little then & begin to win the battle with those 'jelly legs.'

    Delighted to read that others are helping you here. Do please keep in touch as it's really good to hear from you.
  • millie72
    millie72 Community member Posts: 27 Courageous
    I will try and go outside ,tomorrow, i am going to buy some bulb,s on line , thank u ,for thinking of me , i love the sun , coming through the window ,  it brighten,s my home , its the dark night,s wot get,s me down , xx
  • mike62
    mike62 Community member Posts: 34 Courageous
    Hi @millie72.
    Aye these cold dark nights and often grey clouds this time of year. I feel cold quick but I'm amazed to see folk in tee shirts even shorts walking outside, heres me with long johns on, jumpers and down jacket - how do they do it?
    We got some primulars and pansies to give colour in our hanging trough and baskets although the rain has hammered them a bit. Did you get any floods down your neck of the woods?
    Hope you wrap up when you pop out, sunny but cold.
    Do you do any indoor hobbies Millie. 
    Hi to others on this thread. See ya Millie 
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,007 Disability Gamechanger
    I learnt something from a 9 year old boy a long time ago. He had had both a stroke & an ileostomy, & was naturally very withdrawn & depressed. I was asked to treat him as a physio student.....saw he had some gardening magazines which his grandad had given him.....at that time I hadn't a clue about gardening, ....but that was the way forward when I talked to him about his gardening magazines; his grandad had said we'll grow seeds next year, what would you like to grow? We chatted about this, & it gave him hope. A few weeks later he was walking about the ward, drip stand in tow, giving drinks out to bed-bound children.

    I think many of us dread the winter months, & the isolation this may increase.....but, perhaps, planting bulbs gives us hope of the following Spring.

    We've had way too much rain recently @mike62 & Hi; hope your flowers recover.

    Millie, just do the best that you can....it can take time, but you'll get there too. I hope you get outside for a few minutes tomorrow enjoying the sunshine.
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,007 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @millie72 - How have you been today? Where have you looked that you can buy bulbs online....I would be interested to know, as I rarely go anywhere?

    Today we've had some weak sunshine, but it seemed colder outside than yesterday. What's the weather been like where you are?
  • millie72
    millie72 Community member Posts: 27 Courageous
    Hi my love ,  i have brought my bulb,s on groupon . They have good deals at the mo,  ebay have good deal,s, as, wel ,, they have good rating,s ,on both site,s,  love the sun shine, i did go in the garden to day , to get the leaves up ,  xxxx
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,007 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @millie72 -Thank you, I don't understand groupon too well, but my daughter has mentioned this before....I will have to ask her (my children often educate me!) I do understand ebay better, however.
    I am so pleased to read you managed to get out in your garden today....you are doing amazingly well!
    Will write more tomorrow; thinking about you, goodnight.
  • saz11
    saz11 Community member Posts: 121 Pioneering
    Hi @millie72

    I have just come across your post my lovely how are you today.

    I know exactly how you feel when i lost my father my heart broke but then i lost my mum and my whole world fell apart and i was lost for a very long time still am some days.

    I am so glad you have joined the site....i know its hard to open up when you are on your own. I isolated myself from everything but gradually i am feeling better and learning to be happy again. 

    God i will always be lost without them but i would be making them sad if i didn't get on with my life.

    If there is anything i can do for you please just say. Keep smiling 


  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,007 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @millie72 What a lovely message you have just had from @saz11 - This is such a great community where everyone tries to help each other. I hope you are enjoying getting to know us all!
    How have you been today? I have been out collecting leaves too today all 27001 of them! I was going to write to you earlier but have been on the phone to my daughter as we have an 87 year old tenant having problems. She's been in hospital for a fortnight & my daughter & son-in-law have been in to visit her twice as her son lives in Australia. They've also been to her home 3 times, tidied & cleaned, sorted her fridge out, etc & taken her in fresh clothes. Sadly it looks like she has dementia. We were hoping she'd get home by the end of the week.
    Thinking about what saz11 was saying, I remember when I lost my Mum I felt like I was in a bubble & everything around me was in slow motion, yet I was aware of other people beyond this bubble just carrying on with their lives around me. I was only 22. I was closest to my Mum, but after that I became grateful for the many years I had getting to know my very quiet Dad better. My Mum & Dad adopted me when I was 6 months old....I could not have had better parents.
    Did you get out a bit today? It was cloudy here, but not too cold without yesterday's wind. I haven't had a chance to look for bulbs today, & forgot to ask my daughter about groupon with all that's been happening!
    I look forward to hearing from you & will write again tomorrow.


  • saz11
    saz11 Community member Posts: 121 Pioneering
    @chiarieds

    Thank you for your kind words. Like you i was so close to my mum and as you say  life around you goes on and i remember that made me feel really angry at the time but i was just angry at everything if i am honest.....but you do start learning to live a different life without them but not without all those wonderful memories.

    Reading your post your daughter and son in aw seem very kind and caring people you must feel vey proud.


  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,007 Disability Gamechanger
    edited October 2019
    Hi @saz11 Thank you for reaching out to this lovely lady here; think we both appreciate her enormous loss.

    My daughter has great empathy for others as she feels life can often be too short. They are both very compassionate people because of the losses they have both had.
  • saz11
    saz11 Community member Posts: 121 Pioneering
    @chiarieds

    Sorry to hear that.....makes you realise how precious every day is and if holding out your hand helps someone enjoy that day then lets all put our hands out.

    Don't get me wrong i haven't always felt so positive at times in my life i have wanted to end it all. 

    But thank god i am out of that dark place. I think my gorgeous mum was up there and decided enough lady you are lucky now get on with your bloody life.....well words to that effect !!!!. She loved life till the very end 

    She wrote a poem for me a line in it says
    As long as you are breathing you are taking a breath for me. 
    And that's very true so when i a bit down i think of it and smile.



  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,007 Disability Gamechanger
    @saz11 Sorry, I edited my post as I'd said too much; it is so very hard sometimes to be positive, & I have felt like you. It does take time, eventually you smile, then feel guilty when you laugh...then you just remember the precious memories you have. Might you share your Mum's poem; that line means so much.
    Thank you; it is good to get to know you a little.
  • saz11
    saz11 Community member Posts: 121 Pioneering
    @chiarieds

    Good chatting with you too take care
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    edited October 2019
    Hello @saz11   Pleased to meet you. How are your doing.  Sorry to hear what you are going through.

    I know never easy to cope with losing loved ones.  I have care concern, compassion and empathy. Feel for you .

    Sending prayers.

    Please how can be supportive.  Happy to listen anytime.  

    Please if I can offer this organisation to look at.

    https://www.cruse.org.uk.

    Helpline 0808 808 1677

    I used them myself from a time had the loss of some friends due to addiction and other illness.

    Every day was a struggle but listening and dealing with what you are going through.  Is a battle emotionally and physically.

    Mentally can be a emotive time  and it does resonate with me those memories of good times with the friends who I lost.

    Be positive and think what wonderful friends they were and think of them.

    Using the bible and the soothing words of our Lord and Jesus does help to heal with in.

    I did speak to a Priest does help some comfort and after it became a lot easier.

    The most important thing about losing any one is to keep their memory alive. Make it special have a service.

    I believe some Churches do this.  I would look at this maybe in your area.  Remembrance services are good because they link you up with other families people going through the same.

    Who you can talk to be a shoulder. 

    Can be beneficial.  A celebration of the life of the loved one you lost is another one to think about.

    This is something I have done before. Because it helps us all of us the those who cared. Come together and praise the devotion and high esteem we feel for our loved ones.

    In a lot of Cultures around the World they do this. Have a special day.

    Please if I can help with anything .  Please let me know as a community champion have a wealth of support and lifelines if you need them.

    Please ask only too happy to share.

    Please take care of your self your important, valued member of our community.

    Always in prayers

    @thespiceman


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