Feeling like a failure due to illness

cupcake88
cupcake88 Posts: 1,412 Trailblazing
in Mental health and wellbeing
Hi there every one . As I have mentioned on other posts I do not work I did return to work early this year for a month and then ended up being discriminated against and have really taken steps back in my recovery . I suffer with ocd , anxiety and ptsd psychosis . I’m very lucky to have such an amazing partner who really looks after me and never makes me feel bad or any thing but I do . Because he pays all the bills he pays for every thing he pays for food ect . He’s never moaned about it . But I feel bad . He needs a new car because his is basically breaking down constant I feel like if I could work and help pay bills he would have savings . I feel like I maybe did go back to work to soon after having years off work .

i know my partner worries about me a lot . Even when he’s at work he’s having to constantly call me to remind me to take my meds . 

im very lucky but I can’t help but think I hold him back in life . He doesn’t get a good sleep because of me at night because I scream and shout in my sleep I don’t sleep well . I only finally this year was in the right mind to even sort my pip out which I had a lot of help to do . 

I love him so much and I’m so thankful to him . 

I have to yet wait for a answer for my pip Which I’m doubtful i got . I just feel down can any one else relate . 

Comments

  • Wini1960
    Wini1960 Online Community Member Posts: 125 Empowering
    edited August 2020
    cupcake88 Hi I totally understand. After 21 years of service as a secretary for the ICAEW which is the professional body for Chartered accountants. I had to take early retirement and we were not in a good place financially. For some time I felt a failure but at least you and I have good partners. I now help out when I can with my husband's business from home and I now feel I'm making a valuable contribution. If you want to find out more message me [removed by moderator - email addresses are not allowed on the community]. All the best ?
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    I must admit my partner supports me in very practical ways including by paying the bills. We are both very fortunate in that way @cupcake88.
    i don’t feel like a failure though and I bear in mind what zig Ziggler said about it ‘failure is an event not a person.’ Very true.
  • cupcake88
    cupcake88 Posts: 1,412 Trailblazing
    Hi there thank you for your support ? I’m not do great at responding to emails I’m ok on forums thank you both for your responses and my parter never makes me feel bad it’s just how I feel if that’s makes sense he tells me every day he’s proud of me and that he’s lucky and I think my self how is he lucky . 

    I make sure the house is tidy ect so it gives him some thing less to do but Even then he has to help with that . 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Online Community Member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    You are not al.one but it is something hopefully you will come to terms with. I had a very successful career before my disability . I was married till my husband decided he wanted someone 25 years younger then me so he left me to cring uo our son on my own.

    I then became disabled a few  months later and felt a complete failure to my son as I could no longer do some things for or with him. He has been my rock. I no longer had earnings and struggled to feed us and pay our bills to the point of nearly becoming homeless

    Now we have a great balance and help each other and he still has a good life. I also have a new partner who accepts me for what I an and has restored my faith in lover

    Just try and be positive if he loves you paying the bills and little sacrifices will not be a burden to him he will want to do all he can for you
  • cupcake88
    cupcake88 Posts: 1,412 Trailblazing
    @janer1967 I’m sorry you had to go threw a hard time . I’m so glad you have a new partner and your son sounds awesome .

    this is what I actually wrote in my et1 form when taking my previous employers to tribunal I said one day you could be living your best life and then in a second it’s all changed . 

    Yeh he does love me and he’s amazing x 
  • Cress
    Cress Online Community Member Posts: 1,005 Trailblazing
    Hi @cupcake88
    It sounds like you dont think you deserve the love and support of your partner.
    He obviously loves and wants to help you, so accept this...you obviously appreciate the love and support he gives, so please dont think you're not pulling your weight in the relationship, love doesnt work like that.
    You do deserve happiness.
    Take care x
  • sue2007
    sue2007 Online Community Member Posts: 6 Listener
    I don't have a partner but I know reading your posts why your partner loves you. It works both ways, yes he supports you in regards your mental health, but that doesn't define who you are. Can I suggest you stop and think, or even ask your partner if its a challenge, of all the ways you support and show that you love him
  • cupcake88
    cupcake88 Posts: 1,412 Trailblazing
    @cress that’s kind words thank you for your support means a lot . 

    @sue2007  i just don’t have much confidence In my self . Thanks for your kind words . Well he says I put up with his moody ness before he’s had his morning coffee ha x 
  • sue2007
    sue2007 Online Community Member Posts: 6 Listener
    I have mental health issues, and understand the lack of confidence- ask him- you put up with him being moody first thing in the morning- I know there will be other things 
  • cupcake88
    cupcake88 Posts: 1,412 Trailblazing
    I don’t look for faults in him because he’s perfect to me . 

    Every one is so thoughtful and kind to me on here I appreciate the support 
  • Cher_Alumni
    Cher_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,714 Championing
    Hi @cupcake88 I wondered how you were today?  Your partner sounds like a star and like he loves you very much.  Be kind to yourself and know that he loves you for who you are, as you do him! <3
  • cupcake88
    cupcake88 Posts: 1,412 Trailblazing
    @Cher_Scope hi there I’m feeling much better thank you . 

    Yeh he is a absolute star . He’s going to get a new car on finance and he’s not worried bout money but iam because I just feel useless . It be nice for me to have my own money . But I’m trying to think positive bout pip it’s really hard ha but I’m Trying to think happy thoughts . 

    2 weeks down could have another 6 weeks till I get my Answer for pip . 
  • Cher_Alumni
    Cher_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,714 Championing
    @cupcake88 oh I'm glad you are feeling better :) and we have all this nice warm weather to look forward to too!

    Let's keep our fingers crossed that you will here from PIP soon although I know they have a bit of a backlog.  In the meantime, try not to worry over the car finance if your boyfriend isn't worried.  I know it's hard but when you feel those thoughts coming, try to distract yourself with happy things.  I always play with my cats a bit :D
  • cupcake88
    cupcake88 Posts: 1,412 Trailblazing
    He he I have my little dog but I’m unable to walk him due to my anxiety but Im brushing his hair hehe .

    @janer1967 and any one else this week I was sent 2 new pre hearing employment tribunal  Dates this week again my previous employer claimed they could not do that date and another one was set and they have been told no they can move it again unless they have a good reason and proof . They have another few weeks to complete there response because they were given a extension . They have Also ignored my letter of when to exchange documents and me again requesting all data they hold on my self  . So i will be putting that on my agenda for the pre hearing I’m very happy to show them all of my edvidence And provide them with any thing so why won’t they reply to me I don’t get why there trying to delay a pre hearing once that’s done then things will be laided out I mean the these things can take a long time so I don’t see why they just don’t want to fill out the response and we say what we need to at pre hearing . 

    Also I sent them a list of questions and answers in the week along with a letter I don’t know if I updated every one some one who used to work there who was lovely found me on Instagram and asked for my number and she sent me over a email they had sent round to all staff advising if they spoke to members of staff that have left outside work there be consequences . Even tho my name wasn’t in it it was aimed at me she also said that staff who I used to get on with there we’re called into the office and questioned if they still speak to me out of work . She’s left and recieved her final pay so she send me the emails for me to use so I asked them why they be doing that because that’s why people are too scared to be my witnesses . 

    I don’t get why they have gone to such effort to scare staff just get the response sorted I just think they know they discriminated against me for being disabled and there thinking how are they going to get them selves out of it . 

    This other member of staff who sent me the emails sent me a message saying she’s sorry I was treated like that and to not give up she said they she heard from a senior that there delaying on purpose in hopes they I’ll get bored and drop it . Why would they not want to face the situation get the pre hearing over and done with ?  
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Online Community Member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    It's all delaying tactics and prob seeking legal advice hoping if they dont cooperate you will get fed up and give up .

    It's good other employees are supporting you 

    The court wont let them keep delaying they will set date and they will have to attend if not case will proceed with just your evidence 
  • cupcake88
    cupcake88 Posts: 1,412 Trailblazing
    I’ll next day is in just over a month so a couple of weeks after there et3 is due . I just want to get the pre hearing over so the judge can Select a time and date To when we can exchange documents because I’m guessing there going to have to explain to the judge why they can’t provide those things . 

    I’m going to send the court a email and I’ll let a copy of it to the respondent just asking if they not have a opportunity to Daley because Each time my partner is booking days of work so he can be there to support me for the call and it’s not fair that he should have to keep re arranging days off because they are not organised . 
  • cupcake88
    cupcake88 Posts: 1,412 Trailblazing
    @janer1967 yeh ones that have left are but people who I thought were my friends blocked me at there say so but at the same time I understand they have children to feed and if they think there jobs are on the line then I can understand but I’m still upset . 

    I’m greatful to staff that have left they have provided me with  extra edvidence . I really don’t get why they haven’t even responded to any thing but it will work in my favour but still I’m owed a explanation . I just don’t understand how human beings can treat other human beings like that . 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,464 Championing
    Hi @cupcake88

    I just wanted to check in to see how you were getting on. Did you get a reply to your email?

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