Grieving as a disabled person

It is National Grief Awareness Week, which is a chance to raise awareness of all aspects of grief and loss on a national scale, and offer access to a choice of tailored support to all those grieving in the UK and to those working with the bereaved.

It is an opportunity to:

• ensure immediate access to support for all types of bereavement in local communities across the country
• raise awareness of smaller front line organisations in the UK, and to give them a national platform to reach those in need in their local area
• help the public to better understand how to support those who are grieving, and to normalise grief

What is grief?

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering a person feels when something or someone they love is taken away. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. A person may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss and the more significant the loss, the more intense the grief can be.

People most commonly associate grief with the loss of a loved one, however any kind of loss can cause grief, such as:

• divorce or relationship break up
• financial stability
• losing a job
• retirement
• the death of a pet
• loss of a friendship
• sale of the family home
• loss of a cherished dream
• becoming disabled, or a loss of health

Even subtle losses in life can trigger a sense of grief. For example, you might grieve after moving away from home, graduating from university, or changing jobs. A theory developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross suggests that we go through five distinct stages of grief after loss, which are:

1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. depression
5. acceptance

Struggling to come to terms with disability

It's quite normal and very common for a disabled person to find it hard to come to terms with their impairment. Whether they acquire a disability at birth, during childhood, adulthood or gradually over the course of time, there is often a period of grief that people go through.

The thing being grieved is life before the impairment, or life before the impairment became worse, and there can be no telling how long the grief can last if untreated, or if it will return in the future. I have some experience of this myself, I have never had what you would call 'normal' vision, but I remember a time when I was younger that my sight felt better, in particular my light sensitivity. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what causes the emotion, but in the past I've found myself thinking back to a time when I felt I could see better, and feeling sadness at the thought that those days have gone and may never return. It's a feeling that can sometimes last minutes, but it can also last for a greater period of time and lurk in the back of your mind.

Furthermore, for a disabled person it's never just a case of grieving a time where they didn't have an impairment, but there can also be worry about the process of adapting to a new way of doing things, and overcoming the barriers posed by society. Adapting to having a disability can be particularly challenging in the following areas:

• travel, transport and navigation
• education and employment
• technology
• finances and benefits
• socialising and interaction

It can be hard to come to terms with having a disability and it can feel like a lonely road, support isn't always easy to come by and it can be hard to know where to go to find out about what support is available. But if you are someone who has struggled with grief in the past, present or think you might do in the future, you are not alone and there is help out there. 

Some resources you might find useful

• Scope's helpline is always there if you need to talk or get advice, find details on how to get in touch here. This community will always be here for you too of course, you can post a new discussion here.
• Grieving An Acquired Disability
• Living Well With a Disability
• get support for your grief - NHS