No Progress:Late 20s Adult; Female; Outcast; Not Developed; Insulting Quality Of Life;Failing

06:23 - Sunday 20th March 2022

Once again, I have not slept nor been productive all night due to a number of reasons including the trauma of still being bullied at age 26 by adults.

As I type, the neighbour is banging loudly,rudely, unnecessarily, intentionally, repeatedly.

Luckily, I am not scheduled for work today but I am not lucky at all. I am suffering. I am very unwell. I am very disturbed by the anti social behaviour against me.

And even yesterday somebody insidiously moved the red bin forward to end of kerb, which I saw on return to flat. It is infuriating,confusing, insulting, disconcerting and upsetting. Yes even a seemingly small thing. I am a marginalised, pure, respectful, law abiding, brave, hard working, conscientious adult citizen who is already suffering a great deal so any such toxic behaviour against me is obviously going to affect me further.

Whoever is doing the behaviour is stubborn, vicious, disgusting and many other negative things but they are still getting away with intentional bullying, psychological bullying, malicious bullying.

They know that the behaviour they arr carrying out and somehow even a year into my tenancy, these people are getting away with it.
I confronted the loud neighbour last night after upon returning from a difficult shift, 'someone' had once again moved my red
Collection day is Wednesday just to explain so the fact they do this to my bin and mine only, right to end of kerb.

I just know that they are trying to get a reaction out me. Of course, living alone, and the lonely bin drawing more attention to my property (they are doing this tactically, and knowing exactly when I am not in property because they are vicious ba*t*rds)

  Especially as someone who has been subjected to extreme and worsened hostility non stop since school years.  And this is the day after a very unfortunate work assignment, whereby I had to accomoany the service user to a pub meal, I saw my widowed,deformed, mother from the pub right opposite, whilst on a difficult care work task.

Although I have always been heavily bullied, by all sorts of people, wherever I have gone

The whole flat is still an overwhelming mess. I have no support in place. Neighbours, strangers, people of all ethnic origins and genders are harassing me, in subtle and direct ways, even at work. Even the most recent appointment I had at GP practise a few weeks ago, where a female Muslim practitioner was unfortunately who I was seen by, did nothing to help, and was a most rude, dismissive, hostile b*t*h

I just do not understand! And no I am not being iverly sensitive. Whatever the reason/s others may give, I believe there is no need for such vile behaviour against me,and I am subjected to it every day.

Obviously very tired but cannot afford to even nap never mind sleep as too much overdue personal work to do in too little time.

I have felt increased pains all throughout all 4 limbs this week, painkillers don't even touch it. And I am very depressed. There is just no quality of life. I need and deserve better, tailored, dignified health care and  general support.

In all these years, despite many efforts, sacrifices, courses, payments, journies, nothing has changed or impdoves


Why why why why why do I still get bullied?

I am doing no wrong...

I deserve a better life...

I am suffering enough daily...

Thanks to those who are more sympathetic than others. She herself has not replied but I have emailed the caseworker again.

It seems I am always going to suffer as I am experiencing no improvement whatsoever.
I am supposed to be an adult, 27 this year, and whilsteveryone is different I have not come across anyone as 

All I have done is silently cry and suffer further and am  in such hell.

I am rightly frightened of and angry about oo manh things, losing my flat for which I have worked too hard to try and maintain, not being able go afford bare necessities despite being a universal credit claimant, working and having NO luxuries ie cars, holidays, kids, liberties, privileges.



I have as ever been applying for more full time roles again despite no home wifi using mob data + hotspot but unlike normal people one applicatiom takes ne at least 2 & 1/2 hours to tailor application to.

[Removed by moderator - name of housing association] are useless. I was told by the housing  officer the new one that if I ever needed help or just wanted to speak with someone at end of day,just email, so one day I did.
He obviously had empty words and probably only asked to trick my vulnerable self into asking for help because I have since been offered no support also another professional they are linked with through a programme blanked me.
It is like they all think they're more important, and can mess people around.

The woman from the community employment support programme essentially rejected me too, how insulting.

She made it clear she doesn't want to help me and so that potential employment support is gone and as I said the dwp can't even be bothered showing up yet if I did the same I would be sanctiones. I am a suicidal, aching, diseased, vulnerable, non driving, ill person who still drags out of bed, put in effort to get ready, prepare, meet commitments and show up, and I don't get enough financial support. They get paid what I am guessing is a lot and still can't be arsed.

My universal credit work coach at the job centre didnt even bother making the last appointment and other staff couldn't care less. Why book appointments then not show up/ why not assign another staff member?

I am really,really,really struggling and even the council 
I didn't even get the winted hardship support and no one got in contact from them after scope have repeatedly put me forward for a needs assessment. I think they just do not want fo help but it shouldn't matter what they do or don't want. They have obligations as paid council members and should be supporting the likes of me.

I am suffering too much and yet none of these people will ever care or understand. 

Where in the UK could or should I move in order to get the support I want,need and deserve? I mean it is already too late for too many things but this 26 yr old estranged daughter of a one eyed, widowed , tragic mother surely deserves a better treatment from society at leaat for remainder of adult life. And as much as these years I've been gettibg dragged through hell seem eternal it is true they say life is short,so why cut it shorter, hence still being here. 

I am not even on those awful, nauseating, pathetic beta blockers anymore but my chest aches and pulse is hilariously rapid, it's honestly a wonder I am still here and I am convinced I have already had many undiagnosed or ignored heart attacks.

People think very little of me and being outwardly ethnic,unattractive,unwell,undeveloped, outcast does not help. I hate it. I observe and listen to everyday people when out and about or eveb through what I see and hear in thia stupid neighbourhood and I cannot relate to the life experiences of my peers at all.

And who else is being tormented by a b****** ,fat, racist, white, perverted, loud, disgusting, Engliah, pompous, in such a twisted way?

 Yes indeed he is still banging on ceiling, swearing and simultaneously speaking affectionately to his cat as I type
People like that should be oppressed and impoverished and hounded ,not me. 
He should be forced to move.

I never had the family, developmental privileges, playing out with friends, passing exams, clear skin, familial and social support, english speakjng parents, supportive tutors, balance, always having a job, going on holidays, obtaining freedom including a vehicle, empowerment and all these other blessings people take for granted, to which I cannot relate at all.

You do realise that even to walk from the flat to the bus station which is meant to be a 5-10 minute walk only, causes burning, deep, debilitating pains especially in legs, and back ,and yet thriugh constant pain I have to do a lot of walking , with bags often since I dont drive  

03:45 Tuesday morning and as ever I am uncomfortably and unproductively awake, suffering .

Flat's still a shambles, whole body's still aching, mind is cluttered with unwanted thoughts, bank balance still in dangerously negative amount, huge debts still pressuring me to be paid,and still utterly failing as an outcast in everything.

Even into recent days when I had to go outside whether for stupid work training days or go use public wifi (risking mob data here) I overhear concersations and it figuratively kills me. God these people are so liberated, blessed, enriched and yet they're so casual, carefree, and complain about petty things and don't even know it.
 
Bloody hell it is 04:23 already and someone could knock on door or any emergency could happen and my entire flat is still a hellish state so I an goung to silently begin decluttering and tidying before the rest kd 

Ultimately I am going fo

Roght iTs jow 06:05 my head is aching . I tried to go outside snd remove some weeds and clear the disgisting entrance way of this stupid flat,whikst tje majority of neighbiurhood still probably sleeping, and feelinh smug fhat their stupid cars tjat they dont even deserve are all iced up,  but my fibromyalgic pains wouls not allow me to crouch and pull for any more than a few seconds and I am in ao muxh pain right now + headache as though Ive been attacked wifh a hammer but probably from the stress of  anxiety of going out and too many overdue pending tasks.

Inside of flst still despicable no energy to move. Irespective of facf I was awake since about 03:30 ,bear in mind fhat I fell asleep before midnight whixh is a new record, I should not be this fatigued, esoecailly when not even a busy lifestyle. I honestly feel nauseous and awful and jist want all of this pain to stoo at least memntarily so that I can tidy up and get on with day.

And I don't wish to call GP surgery today despite how I am feeling because I  not keen to be dismissed again. There is too much wrong yet sadly I doubt they'll listen,care or refer.
Also so very cold and shivering under all these layers as usual.
Can any of you reccommend
I take womens total multivitamins and am not a  vegetarian and despite weakness I force myself to exercise including gym, which hs not affordable but Ive no equipment in flat plus but ive never experienced any improvement. 
So please know that I am not some pathetic lazy bum who just sits and complains but rather someone with not a lot of control over anything that is happening to me and very frustrated.
I feel like I repeat myself a lot on here and have no idea if anything I type actually makes sense to anyone but I am struggling a lot .

People,Iam telling you thst yo yhis day, at once, I feel dizzy, nauseous,
Please if you know of any relevant medicine trials or existing solitutions please

Right so its now 9am & ive just jolred awake with the horrid floppiness,cold chills & paraesthesia in all limbs. Somewhat luckily no shift today but many other errands, calls, and tasks for which im running late. Im sick of this! I wamt to be normal!

What if this is a brain damage/disorder or something sinister that is undiagnosed. I am not sure how many more years of this terrifying,unproductive,negatively impactful, time-wasting, potential-ruining, money-wasting illness i can take. And why am I so cold? !

ANY GOOD HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONALS OUT THERE?