Son missing college

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Ikonik
Ikonik Online Community Member Posts: 77 Connected
in Families and carers
Our son has ADHD and complexities. He is waiting for an autism assessment. He left school with just 4 GCSE at levels 1 and 2, despite numerous extra English and maths classes etc. College started in September and he's not interested. His whole attitude is very poor. He hangs out at the park and bike track, can't get to sleep at night and is literally a zombie in the mornings. We try to wake him and he is snappy and swears. With melatonin he falls asleep but still can't wake up the next day. When he does go, he's very late (2 hours or more) and often goes to college but doesn't go in the class. I've tried walking him down to help but he leaves when I've gone. If he carries on with the poor attendance, then he is likely to get kicked off the course. I will lose £360 in tax credits,child benefit and carer allowance. This will be a financial disaster with only my husband's wage left. I gave up work when we adopted our son due to his disabilities. All my time is taken up with his behaviour and trying to get some help. He's constantly breaking things and damaging shoes/clothes. His DLA has ended and we are waiting for a PIP assessment. I am his appointee.
My husband works from home, so it all falls to me to sort everything out. I also care for my mum, who lives 2 bus rides away. 
I honestly think our son has no interest whatsoever in college or work. He is constantly getting into minor troubles. 
I've had to go to him so many times e.g not coming home. I had to go out in the middle of the night (I don't drive) on my own. He was in the local park and McDonald's at 1am. The police would not help as he is 16, despite me saying he is vulnerable and that I was on my own looking for him.  The next day, a female police officer rang me to say the police are not a substitute parenting service !  Another time I found him and a few friends out of a large abandoned, unsafe building. 
Last night he stayed over at a friend's (only a few streets away from our house) and I found out they had been out in the middle of the night as he was "bored". He then slept until 2 pm today. I can see his location on Google maps. Most of the time it's on which is how I can see potential issues. I check his phone and am always aware who he is with.
I have no idea how to move forward with this. It seems pointless to try to keep him in college but he has to have something to fill the hours of the day

Comments

  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Online Community Member Posts: 64,463 Championing
    Where are you living? The rules on education are different in England to what they are in Wales, Scotland and N.Ireland.
    Have you spoke to the college? If not the you should do that. Why did his DLA end? Usually it continues until a decision was made on the PIP, providing you applied for PIP within the timescale and returned the forms on time.

  • Ikonik
    Ikonik Online Community Member Posts: 77 Connected
    DLA is being paid until PIP decision is made. If PIP is declined I will have to find a job, which will leave him unsupervised and we cannot trust him to be on his own in the house or have a key. He's already mocked me and said he will have lots of people in the house if he gets the chance. That's exactly what he's hoping for. 
    I have met the tutors and SENCO. They have offered him a weekly one to one with his main tutor but he's not been going in. He won't be allowed to stay if he keeps missing most of the classes.
    It's now midnight. I've turned off his wifi as he was on the playstation. I calmly explained he will be too tired tomorrow and he's accused me of controlling him. Cue verbal abuse and lots of noise. 
    I love him but if he keeps being abusive I don't know what to do. We have to lock up cash etc 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,468 Championing
    edited October 2022
    Hi @ikonik :) 

    I'm sorry to hear that things are still challenging for you at the moment. I think I recall you mentioning some of these issues previously. 

    Here's what I commented on your post last time:
    Is he receiving any support to help him manage his ADHD and attachment disorder, while he waits for his autism assessment? 

    I'm wondering whether the college he's enrolled at has a support officer or learning mentor who could help to keep him engaged in his college course, and support him with any learning needs he has. Is this something you or he have spoken to them about? 

    Will he be re-doing his Maths and English GCSEs through the college, or his school?

    I've found the following resources online, which I thought you might want to take a browse through:
    Furthermore, I'm wondering whether he might like to engage in our Career Pathways service, especially designed for young people. This may help to give him some focus in terms of how he'd like his future to look.
    Have you been able to take a look at any of those resources, or get in touch with anyone about your situation?

    Does he currently have an EHCP?

    Are there any activities at college that he might enjoy doing, to encourage him to go in and engage? For example, a sport he enjoys.

    Do you mind me asking whether your son takes medication for his ADHD at the moment? I know it's not right for everyone, but some people do find it helpful :) 
    I love him but if he keeps being abusive I don't know what to do. We have to lock up cash etc 
    Do you feel safe at the moment? 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,468 Championing
    How have you been getting on @ikonik? :) 

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