Sleep help - 5 yr old

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laurawing
laurawing Online Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
edited February 2023 in Families and carers
 Hi all, my daughter has been having extended wake ups for well over a year but used to self settle. Now she wakes and comes in to our room but can take hours to go back to sleep. She’s so restless and then starts getting aggressive where she’s so tired. It affects her next day and we’re all struggling. Would love some help. She sleeps in a single bed with white noise and black out. 

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  • anisty
    anisty Online Community Member Posts: 836 Championing
    Hi - you don't mention if your daughter has a disability affecting her comprehension but i'm going to suggest this which was something that worked for our boy. He is 24yrs old now!


    So i have 5 children and he is the middle one. When my eldest kids were born in the early 90s, cry it out was the method of choice. You just put your baby to bed and didnt go back in til next morning!

    And that worked a treat for our older 2. Babies 4 and 5 were milennium babies, by which time the much kinder controlled crying method had arrived.


    Now - our middle one. He wasnt diagnosed with autism until he was 13 as he had so many global difficulties as a pre schooler, we didnt know what the matter was.


    But he didnt respond at all like our other kids to anything. And his speech was so delayed, it was very hard to communicate.


    When he was about 18 months old, he started waking very early in the mornings and absolutely nothing we tried could get him over to sleep again.

    So we gave in and started putting him to bed at 6pm and he would sleep through til about 5am.

    This went on for YEARS.  He used to get out of bed at 5ish and howl - we had to take him downstairs and pop him in front of the telly.

    And then, when our 4th child was born, he was a bit younger than your daughter (about 4½ yrs old)

    He still didnt have much speech or comprehension.

    But we just said to him one day "can you stay in your bed quietly until we come and get you up?" (Or words to that effect)



    And - from that night forth, he never ever screamed in the hall again at 5pm. Or at any other time!


    It really was that simple.


    So - just on the offchance you have not directly asked her to stay in her room - try it!

    You might be surprised!  I think our son probably had the comprehension of a 2yr old when we suggested it.


    Here's hoping you all get a bit more sleep



    And plenty more suggestions🙂
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,922 Championing
    Hello @laurawing. I would, firstly, like to say a warm welcome to Scope's online community. It is great to see you have joined us.

    Thank you for already finding the courage to reach out to us. I appreciate the courage it can take to reach out, especially when you are new and finding things difficult.

    You have mentioned your daughter is now struggling to self-settle and get back to sleep. I would suggest, as a first step, identifying what is unsettling for your daughter if you haven't already been able to.

    I think this is especially important as you have mentioned your daughter used to be able to self-settle. I would be encouraging you to ask what has changed.

    I can really hear the impact it is having on you at the moment too. How are you coping with all of this being so difficult for you all?

    I will also signpost you to Scope's Sleep Right Service. They can provide you with more targeted support if this is something you would like.

    I hope this is at least semi-helpful. Please don't hesitate to let us know if there's anything else we can do to support you at the moment though  :)
  • laurawing
    laurawing Online Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
    @L_Volunteer thanks for your message. Yes it’s really effecting us and we’re not coping so well if I’m honest. I contact sleep right and the service isn’t in our area. Such a shame, even a brief phone call with them would have been so valuable. 

    We shared a room over Christmas and settled her to sleep as it was a different environment and I can only think that’s triggered her coming to find us. She isn’t scared or normally too clingy I think it’s a habit now but she’s just so restless during her awake hours. I really don’t want to go down the sleep meds route if I can avoid it
  • Hannah_Alumni
    Hannah_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,866 Championing
    Hello @laurawing

    Although I have no children myself, but have them in the family.     I remember sleep troubles with a couple of them. There are a few things I can recommend;
    • Amber lights. They actually use these in some massage and spa facilities as they are supposed to  promote relaxation. One of the ones I babysat didn't like the dark and this was a softer approach compared to some of the character nightlights. 
    • Stories. Whether you read them yourself or use an app or tape system. There are lots free on YouTube, there are some free on apps too but sometimes you can only get them free for a few days or have to pay to unlock more, so look out for that.
    • Stopping naps in the day. 
    • If she is a child who always just needs to get out of bed to get their teddy, just needs to get up for a drink...etc. We did the bedtime checklist. PJs on, teeth brushed, hair brushed, water in their cup, teddy bears tucked in...etc. and that helped limit them asking or trying to get up. I would always reward them checking everything off by letting them pick the story. A little tip, hide the bigger books! 
    I hope these help! :)
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,922 Championing
    edited March 2023
    Oh no @laurawing :( Yes, I completely hear how a phone call would have helped. Sounds like this will be a gradual process of helping her to settle herself.

    To start with, are there any situations that might be more manageable for her to settle herself? This might gradually increase her confidence to self-settle <3

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