Hi, my name is MumofM! Overwhelmed with sons finances

MumofM · March 2023

Hi everyone, literally just joined your community as I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with being in control of my son (aged 21 with learning disability’s) finances from DWP.

He has PIPS, he was also on UC (only awards 6 months ago) until recently where we had an interview for what i thought was ‘fit to work’ to continue UC. it then transpires that after the interview that they have awarded him LCWRA… I’m set up as his PIP & UC appointee where his money goes into my everyday Bank account (he’s unable to manage finances) and will now receive his LCWRA… can someone advise how I’m supposed to manage/use his finances??? He lives with me
I just feel uncomfortable with being in control of his money - even though he isn’t able to manage this himself due to learning disability & vulnerability..,, guess my main concern is what do we spend it on and do I need to keep clear records of his spending….. especially as it’s in my bank account within my daily spending..,, thanks for any help/advice 😊

poppy123456 · March 2023

I'm my daughters appointee for her PIP and UC too. She also has a learning disability and no understanding of money at all. Her money is paid into my bank account.

You do not need to keep any records of what you spend the money on. Being his appointee means you need to act in his best interests but it doesn't mean you have to keep account of everything that is spent and what you spend it on.

I live with my daughter and there's just the 2 of us. I take out her share of the bills each month, we actually split everything down the middle. The rest i transfer to her own bank account. From there i help her manage her own money. She has bills of her own that she pays such as amazon prime, mobile phone and a few other things. Although she has a learning disability i think it's important that she knows things in life are not free. Opening a bank account for her was also important because i didn't want her to feel any different to anyone else.

She also loves the cinema and going to concerts and the theatre so spends some of her money on that. Hair cuts, treats for her niece and nephew, family birthday presents and christmas. She buys new clothes and things for her hair herself. We are going on holiday together later this year so she paid for herself with her money and will use her own money for spending while away.

Are you taking out some money for his keep? If not then you should do that because in my opnion he needs to understand that bills have to be paid. (this is what explained to my daughter) What about other things like clothing, foot wear or anything else he wants? Do you give him some of his money for himself? If not then you could do that and help guide him. There's no rules what you can or can't spend the benefits money on because they don't make any checks regarding that.

Do also remember that UC is means tested so only savings of up to £6,000 are ignored. For every £250 or part there of over that amount there's a £4.35/month deduction in his UC.

Hope this helps a little.

L_Volunteer · March 2023

Hi @MumofM. A warm welcome to Scope's forum from me. Thank you for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage this can take, especially as you are new and finding things overwhelming.

You have mentioned feeling uncomfortable knowing how you are supposed to manage/use his finances but not so much what you spend it on. Could you use something like Excel or Google sheets?

This way we can track income and outgoings. Equally, do you have a sub-account you could transfer it to and monitor from there, for example? Please do not hesitate to let us know if there's anything else we can do to help/advise

MumofM · March 2023

Thanks Poppy!! this Really helps ALLOT.. I’ve opened a bank account for him a few years back as felt it would help him understand costs/budgeting… I transfer money into his account on a monthly basis for everyday things…. Bus fair to college & lunch money. but pay for things like theatre/cinema/clothes etc straight out of my account. With the money increase from now having the LCWRA & PIPS I think I need to start including his share of bills, ‘keep’ guess even at 21 he’s still a child to me and I’ve just gone without to pay for him since he’s been an adult… his food alone costs a fortune!!! Really appreciate you taking the time to help

MumofM · March 2023

L_Volunteer said:

Hi @MumofM. A warm welcome to Scope's forum from me. Thank you for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage this can take, especially as you are new and finding things overwhelming.

You have mentioned feeling uncomfortable knowing how you are supposed to manage/use his finances but not so much what you spend it on. Could you use something like Excel or Google sheets?

This way we can track income and outgoings. Equally, do you have a sub-account you could transfer it to and monitor from there, for example? Please do not hesitate to let us know if there's anything else we can do to help/advise

MumofM · March 2023

Thanks for the welcome!! 😊 your suggestion of opening up a separate/sub account makes good sense… all feels a little ‘blurred’ coming out of my daily account especially if I ever get asked in the future for how I spend/use his money…. It felt ok only having PIPS but with the increase in money from the LCWRA it’s allot more money to manage on his behalf & want to feel transparent in how it’s used.. Poppys previous suggestion of getting him to pay for bills etc seems sensible & will ease the financial burden from what he costs (food, utilities, clothing, outings etc) from me.. just worried I’ll need to provide some kind of evidence down the line on exactly what I’ve spent his money on… thank you for your warm welcome & advice

Lou67 · March 2023

@MumofM

Hi and welcome I hope your good.
You’re doing great by your son.

You have been given great advice and I just wanted to pop on and say hello.

Take care ❤️

chiarieds · March 2023

Hi @MumofM - & welcome to the community from me also. I can only agree with poppy saying,

You do not need to keep any records of what you spend the money on. Being his appointee means you need to act in his best interests but it doesn't mean you have to keep account of everything that is spent and what you spend it on.

There's no need therefore for using any spreadsheets. Poppy has both personal experience & gives excellent benefits advice, so please be assured by her response.

durhamjaide2001 · March 2023

hi @MumofM my name is Jaide also known as @durhamjaide2001 and I would like to welcome you to the community.

Cher_Alumni · March 2023

Hello @mumofM Just to add a warm welcome from me to our online community. I hope you and your son are keeping well.

It's great that you reached out for advice about this, as I imagine it could feel quite conflicting. I can see Poppy's words resonated with you, and I hope they allay any fear of having to keep an 'audit trail' as what you are doing is in the best interests of your lovely son.

Take care and if ever you have any other questions, or just fancy a chat, you know where we are

MumofM · March 2023

Thanks everyone… feeling a little less overwhelmed. Look forward to being a part of the community 😊

durhamjaide2001 · March 2023

I'm glad we have made you feel more welcome

WelshBlue · March 2023

Welcome @MumofM ... this is a great community. The fact you're concerned speaks volumes of your worthiness to be your sons appointee

I know a family with 2 disabled sons - nobody needs a new 3 piece suite every 12 months or to redecorate the house every year. But not my or anyone else's place to judge.

I will judge that they recently got a £50,000 inheritance that's 'disappeared' to another son's account. And boasting about it

In a small town that's risky. Especially as the father hasn't worked in 40 years ... the local joke is that his walking stick will last forever as it never touches the ground ... especially when he's mountain walking

The system is played by some and others can't get the help they deserve.

Good luck to you and your son, you sound a great mum

poppy123456 · March 2023

MumofM said:

Thanks Poppy!! this Really helps ALLOT.. I’ve opened a bank account for him a few years back as felt it would help him understand costs/budgeting… I transfer money into his account on a monthly basis for everyday things…. Bus fair to college & lunch money. but pay for things like theatre/cinema/clothes etc straight out of my account. With the money increase from now having the LCWRA & PIPS I think I need to start including his share of bills, ‘keep’ guess even at 21 he’s still a child to me and I’ve just gone without to pay for him since he’s been an adult… his food alone costs a fortune!!! Really appreciate you taking the time to help

No problem at all. Yes, your son should definitely paying his way in life. They will always be our children but we can't always support them financially forever.

Since my daughters been claiming UC she's always contributed towards the bills. When her UC increased to include the LCWRA element it was from then that we now split all the bills down the middle. Think of it this way, if he didn't live with you then cost of living would be so much higher for him.

I disagree with the spread sheets because in my opinion there's no need to go through all that extra stress when it's not needed. I just support my daughter with her bank account and regularly ask her for a bank balance. If she wants to buy something she will always ask me first to see if she has enough of money.

Maybe sit down with your son and talk to him about the cost of living and how much things cost and what bills need to be paid, including the food shopping. I will always do this with my daughter even though she hasn't really got a clue but i think it's only right that i speak to her, rather than just control her money the way i want to.

MumofM · March 2023

poppy123456 said:

MumofM said:

Thanks Poppy!! this Really helps ALLOT.. I’ve opened a bank account for him a few years back as felt it would help him understand costs/budgeting… I transfer money into his account on a monthly basis for everyday things…. Bus fair to college & lunch money. but pay for things like theatre/cinema/clothes etc straight out of my account. With the money increase from now having the LCWRA & PIPS I think I need to start including his share of bills, ‘keep’ guess even at 21 he’s still a child to me and I’ve just gone without to pay for him since he’s been an adult… his food alone costs a fortune!!! Really appreciate you taking the time to help

No problem at all. Yes, your son should definitely paying his way in life. They will always be our children but we can't always support them financially forever.

Since my daughters been claiming UC she's always contributed towards the bills. When her UC increased to include the LCWRA element it was from then that we now split all the bills down the middle. Think of it this way, if he didn't live with you then cost of living would be so much higher for him.

I disagree with the spread sheets because in my opinion there's no need to go through all that extra stress when it's not needed. I just support my daughter with her bank account and regularly ask her for a bank balance. If she wants to buy something she will always ask me first to see if she has enough of money.

Maybe sit down with your son and talk to him about the cost of living and how much things cost and what bills need to be paid, including the food shopping. I will always do this with my daughter even though she hasn't really got a clue but i think it's only right that i speak to her, rather than just control her money the way i want to.

Thanks again… think we’re in a very similar situation and have the same values… I’ve not got the time for spreadsheets as I also work and have 2 other younger children (I can’t claim carers as earn above the threshold) & I’d just stress over keeping everything up to date.. I’ve just spoken with him and agreed to transfer a set amount to his account each month and agreed he transfers back a set amount for ‘bills’.

I like the fact he has his own bank account to at least enable him to feel a little in control & independence with his money. And maybe over time he can learn to budget.
Like your daughter he doesn’t have a clue on the cost of things no matter how much we all try to gently educate him (don’t want to overwhelm him)

It just suddenly feels like allot of money but I do need to try to remember that he’d be getting allot more if he was able to work.

I guess no matter how vulnerable he is or young he seems to me he is an adult and that money enables him to begin to learn to ‘adult’ in the real world, their such a worry 😞 just need to do my best to prepare him as much as possible for when I can no longer help him… thanks so much again for sharing your story, REALLY helps ground me.

poppy123456 · March 2023

It is my pleasure to be able to help! Maybe transfer him the money minus the amount you take for yourself? This is what i do with my daughter. It seems pointless to transfer it to her, for her to then transfer it back to me. If there's any extra he wants then he can use his own money, rather than you continue to use your money.

MumofM said:

It just suddenly feels like allot of money but I do need to try to remember that he’d be getting allot more if he was able to work.

Exactly! We must remember that the money they receive is because they have a disability which makes working a lot more difficult. The PIP is extra money to help with extra costs because of the disability (although it can still be spent on anything you want)

Hi, my name is MumofM! Overwhelmed with sons finances

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