My daughter moved out because of me :(

8NewMoon8
8NewMoon8 Online Community Member Posts: 1 Listener
in Start here and say hello!
I made my daughter unhappy she said,that's why she moved to her dad's,but all the time she was with me I was asking her if she was unhappy and she said no 🤷🏼‍♀️ I probably was nagging to much about chores , over explaining to much about the cost of living , maybe she didn't understand :/ she has global development delay.She is normally laid back,but the last few months been very frustrated, jelous and aggressive . She try pull her younger sister off the sofa the night before she moved in with her dad ,I did say if I saw that behaviour again I would call the police, maybe that really frightened her :/ her dad said she just turned up at his and said she needs to get away ,but didn't explain to her dad why.

I really miss her , feel so lost (yea it's less stressful,but now I feel empty)

I know she doesn't want to be 20 soon and she is frustrated with college and her boyfriend keeps trying to break up with her,her dad's partner had a baby (she was saying some mean things about that) ,me nagging aswell wouldn't of helped  :/ 

I was hoping she would be back after 2 weeks of leaving,but it's been 10 weeks now
 :(

Comments

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 63,038 Championing
    Hi @8NewMoon8 welcome to the forum. How is your daughter getting on around the new baby? 
    I'm the same with my son who's 24, nagging at him lol. It's what us moms do. Have you sent her a message maybe invite her over for dinner.
  • Hannah_Alumni
    Hannah_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,866 Championing
    Hello @8NewMoon8

    I'm so sorry you have been so upset by all this and feel so lost. Can I ask, do you have a support system around you? We are always here if you need to talk or vent :) 

    I don't think you made your daughter unhappy at all, you are her parent first and you put boundaries in place in regards to her younger sister. It sounds like your daughter has a lot on too and may feel unable to talk to anyone? Does she have someone to talk to? 
  • SurvivorEmpowered
    SurvivorEmpowered Posts: 56 Connected
    edited April 2023
    @8NewMoon8

    Hi there im new on here and it does sound like your being hard on yourself. Mams our usually classed as being a nag or bossy. 

    I've had lots of ups and downs with mine when they were younger. I still do.. both my kids live away from home. Both have their own families. 

    Try not to feel guilty your damned if you do or you don't. For now make the most with your other child. When you get the opportunity rather now,  than letting your relationship drift further apart. 

    l think the idea of inviting her around for dinner or to meet up for a cuppa at a more public setting on neutral ground; is something l would consider. 

    life is so short to fall out permanently. I think many of us learnt that much during lock down.

    I have been apart from my son 12 years l still have no idea what l had done to deserve such separation. We were so close. The separation alost broke me. I've not even met his son or invited to his wedding. We never even had an argument. 

    The longer things are left the harder it may come from the separtion. I 'd do anything to have him back in my life. He's just too stubborn sadly.

    I wish you all the best. May you and your daughter get the opportunity to mend this disagreement.

    I hope life becomes a little kinder to you. take care here if you want to chat. Shezz 


  • SurvivorEmpowered
    SurvivorEmpowered Posts: 56 Connected
    @woodbine

    That is one way of looking at this situation. However the other person reaction was normal under the circumstances. Their human emotions were quite normal for mothers to feel. Empathy and sensitivity go hand in hand when peoples emotions are concerned. I wish her well and her daughter too. The relevance here is for know one to feel guilty. Families fall out, that's life. Regarding my self with my son, he broke his mothers heart and still is doing so. 

    When one is parted from a close loved one, for a mother is like i'm grieving every day. The counselling term is separation and loss equals grief. Kind Regards Shezz
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,922 Championing
    edited April 2023
    You have been really brave in reaching out to us @8NewMoon8. This all sounds really difficult for all of you and a lot of questioning of why/what if I had done this differently, a lot of self-blame and guilt :(

    What might help things to feel more manageable for you at the moment? We are all here for you and listening to you if you would like to talk about this or if there's anything else we can do to support you  <3
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,922 Championing
    It sounds difficult that your son broke his mother's heart and is still doing so @SurvivorEmpowered. Would you like to share a little more with us about what this looks like for you at the moment?  <3
  • SurvivorEmpowered
    SurvivorEmpowered Posts: 56 Connected
    @L_Volunteer Hello ...

    For a along time I thought something had happened to him. I even contacted MISSING PEOPLE CHARITY. That charity were full of support and advice. It was like he had disappeared off grid. Recently I found out some answers and have the latest picture he is alive and well and a picture of my latest grandson. Legally and for reasons of confidentiality he had issues. What I can tell you he had a serious accident 12 years ago and changed his mind set. I miss him every day and will wait until he is ready to come back to me. I will be here with open arms and all the love he needs too. That includes his new family too. 

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