Autism and ripping clothes help

Jim09090909
Jim09090909 Online Community Member Posts: 8 Listener
edited March 2023 in Autism and neurodiversity
Hi, I am interested in the discussion that Amber76 pit on about ripping clothes.  My son is 17, severely autistic, non verbal and gets quite stroppy when we try to intervene.  Also, today, we were told that he ripped another student's clothing (on a clothes peg), and he takes great delight in doing the same to his brothers clothes.  Fortunately he hasn't started on the rest of the families but probably would if he could. We have tried talking to him and done pictures but we are slowly running out of money.  My wife and I are feeling that is quite upsetting. 
Any tangible, workable, offers will help 🤷‍♂️

Comments

  • Alex_Alumni
    Alex_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,538 Championing
    Hello @Jim09090909 and a warm welcome to the community. To help our members share their thoughts, I've just moved your post into our Autism category and edited the title a little. 

    As you've said, you're not the only one to post about this here, so I hope you find the community supportive and helpful.

    Have you spoken to anyone involved in your son's care about him ripping clothes, and whether there's something that might be causing it, like 'stimming' or anxiety for example?

    You might like to read this page on obsessions and repetitive behaviour from the National Autistic Society. They also have an online community, helpline and other specialist support, if you would find that useful. 

    If you have anything else you'd like help with, please ask, and we'll do what we can :)  
  • durhamjaide2001
    durhamjaide2001 Scope Member Posts: 13,768 Championing
    Is he doing while he's having a meltdown as it may be a stress reliever for him. You could try some sensory toys or a blanket that he can rip up as much as he wanted to. 
  • Jim09090909
    Jim09090909 Online Community Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Hi
    Thanks for coming back to me.  No, it isn't while he is having a meltdown.  He just seems to be getting a kick out of it. 
    It may have been a change of classroom at school where he can't just go outside in the playground.  We've tried a few things but is getting quite stressful for us.  4 bin bags of rags now!
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,922 Championing
    edited March 2023
    You have mentioned he seems to be 'getting a kick out of it' @Jim09090909. Could you tell us a little more about this and what happens before and after he rips the clothes? 

    It sounds really difficult for him that he has had a change of classroom at school where he can't just go outside in the playground. Quite often, this is a sensory break for many of us and lets us run off 'steam'.

    Plus, any change is difficult! I can hear you are getting quite stressed, would you like to tell us a little more about how you are coping at the moment and the things you have already tried?

    We are here for you if you would like to discuss this further. Although it may feel like it, you don't have to face this alone if you don't want to  :)
  • durhamjaide2001
    durhamjaide2001 Scope Member Posts: 13,768 Championing
    They might be able to put a move around card in place so when he feels like he's going to rip some clothes up he can let of some steam that way like @L_Volunteer was suggesting it could be. 
  • Jim09090909
    Jim09090909 Online Community Member Posts: 8 Listener
    @L_Volunteer. Firstly, thank you for being so supportive. Well, I'll use a for instance as in yesterday.  We had told him was going to a soft play area activity and he did seem excited. I was driving to the venue when I could here some ripping going on.  I stopped the car a few times to check and it wasn't too bad. Just bottom of sleeves had been bitten off! Was tricky at soft play with liberating water bottles of the contents, either on floor or outside.  Threw my coffee on the floor. Took a DVD from centre and got him to the car. DVD was taken back. Got back to car and he had ripped half a sleeve off. Suffice to say,  went straight home. 
    @durhamjaide2001. Thank you.  We do give him a carrier bag to go to school of ripped clothes.  Albeit, he did come back in his taxi, topless last week. First time.  He did have a meltdown at school that day and even ripped another child's clothing that was on a peg! 
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,922 Championing
    Ah, sensory seeking can also happen when over-excited and overwhelmed with excitement @Jim09090909. Have you noticed this as a pattern?

    Similarly, is it possible that he seemed excited but did not know how to communicate how he was feeling? (either excitement or how he was actually feeling)

    It sounds really difficult for you, regardless, but there are just a few questions that come to mind. Obviously, I am not there to see it and advise properly, unfortunately.

    However, I am happy to listen to you and see if, together, we might be able to come up with some suggestions for the future.

    Always a pleasure to be able to support you, and anyone else, on the community. Please don't hesitate to let us know if there's anything else we can do to help  :)
  • Jim09090909
    Jim09090909 Online Community Member Posts: 8 Listener
    L.Volunteer. Thank you.  He just seems to do it randomly and is looking for loose threads on any 'new' clothes we get. Generally charity shops. It is pretty difficult tbh. 
    CAMHS have been in touch as we wanted their input.  They said they can ask school to have him moved back downstairs to rule out this ongoing behaviour.  They can only say no, but if we asked, we would probably get a straight no, we think.  
    Seems to be a little less during early easter, but we will see. We have a couple of respite nights coming up, so we will see what happens there. Went to a respite club yesterday and came back in the same top! 

    Thanks for taking the time to come back to me.  
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,922 Championing
    edited April 2023
    It sounds positive to hear it was a little less during early Easter @Jim09090909. Were there any differences with early Easter? 

    Also, do you feel you have the support you need and deserve in place at the moment - e.g., CAMHS and respite?

    Please don't hesitate to let us know if there's anything else we can do to help. Here for you and with you  :)
  • Jim09090909
    Jim09090909 Online Community Member Posts: 8 Listener
    L_Volunteer. Hi, not really sure tbh.  My daughter and I took him to a couple of places on 2 days. The beach and a dinosaur park. Both of which he loved.
    CAMHS are good and responsive.  Respite could be a lot.  We only get 2 days per month, for 2 boy's with High care needs! Should be more really, but eldest is 18 at the end of the year, so will be out of this current environment. 
    Thank you for responding 😊
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,922 Championing
    Aww, it sounds really positive that he loved the beach and a dinosaur park @Jim09090909. Really positive to hear you feel CAMHS are good and responsive too. How have you been this week?  :)
  • Jim09090909
    Jim09090909 Online Community Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Effinmuppet. Great name 👍. 
    Thanks for your input.  Really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me.  Not really sure if we are any closer to understanding the reasons why he rips clothes and is very destructive in other area's too.
    But some of which you say is helpful.  Hopefully we will get this phase into the 'past stage'. 
    The sooner the better tbh! It's good to get into the autistic mind, if that's really possible. 
    Take care,  James 
  • Jim09090909
    Jim09090909 Online Community Member Posts: 8 Listener
    L_Volunteer.  He really does love the beach. He hadn't been to the dinosaur park for a long time but did enjoy it.
    Hopefully we will get a response from CAMHS soon. 🙏
    My week has not been too bad, thanks. Have booked a short break for my daughter and I to go to New York in July, before she heads off to university in September. So, pretty good tbh. 👍 
    Hope you're week has been good as well 😊 
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,922 Championing
    Glad to hear you are doing good at the moment @Jim09090909. Hopefully, you will hear from CAMHS soon  :)
  • Jim09090909
    Jim09090909 Online Community Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Thanks Effinmuppet. Much appreciated 
  • KSinKS
    KSinKS Online Community Member Posts: 1 Listener
    Hi Jim - I just signed up on this forum because I did a general Google search about Adult with disabilities ripping up his clothes - and you and this forum came up.  Have you found any solutions?  In reading through your thread, you and I are going similar journey -- however my son is almost 22.  This behavior started almost 2 years ago - and I would say it's getting worse....but it was very sporadic in the beginning.  I also have done tons of trial and error on type of clothing he would tolerate/not tear -- and I would think I found a solution for awhile --until he managed to tear those too (the latest has been jeans.  Who is strong enough to tear jeans????  But my son is!)    Now I have seemed to find a solution for shirts  for several months now -- those pearl button snap shirts (usually western wear.)  Not cheap and usually not in Goodwill stores, however, if he doesn't tear them up - I only, technically, need a shirt a day :)  Like you, I haven't really found a pattern -- except maybe when he's bored?   But I do know this, once he starts tearing -- he must absolutely continue (it's never just a little tear - unless I catch him and change him.  He demolishes his clothes.  It's like a compulsion that he must continue once he starts)  Also, he fully understands it's wrong - because he will quietly go to his room, change his clothes and put the demolished item either in the trash or the hamper.  I haven't found anyone else experiencing this -- or even any solutions from doctors, counselors, etc.   But perhaps we can share ideas?   Looking forward to hearing from you.  
  • rubin16
    rubin16 Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 861 Championing
    I used to tear clothes all the time, I don't do it much these days but it feels more like a stress reliever and compulsion more than anything especially when stress builds up. I do however tend to put alot of holes in clothes though even to this day. I have a very bad obsession with labels/tags in clothes and love to play with them with my fingers so have a tendancy to rip them out of clothes and sometimes leave a hole in the back of clothes. I did this to family clothes too or anywhere I would see a label. I have never been able to get over my label obsession.

    Just a thought but have you looked at getting some rags they could rip up, or perhaps going to a chairty shop for cheap clothes they can rip?

    All the best.

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