Having another child after having a child with severe disability

Vickytoria
Vickytoria Online Community Member Posts: 1 Listener
edited November 2014 in Families and carers
Hello everybody. We lost our darling daughter Francesca back in August. She was born incredibly poorly, was placed on a cooling mattress for 3 days as the doctors thought she had suffered from Hypoxia. Only to find out afterwards that it wasn't that and we are now , 3 months after she passed away in my arms, yet to find out what on earth happened. We have been told to prepare to never find out.

My husband and I are heartbroken. We would one day like to try again for another little brother or sister for our daughter who is 2, yet obviously we are terrified of this happenining again.

I hope you don't mind me writing here, I would just like to hear of other peoples experiences of going on to have more children after this experience.

Vicky :)

Comments

  • Natasha Brown
    Natasha Brown Online Community Member Posts: 108 Contributor
    HI Vicky, I didn't know how severe my son's lds would be, but I knew I wanted three children..so I intended to have more. I had a miscarriage after my son. my (now)ex was pleased because eh wasn't sure about having another... my daughter was born and she was also a bit floppy but it was clear early on she didn't have the same lds. then my third who tho I was oldest when I had her at 37 is the one with least issues!
    do they know why your child suffered hypoxia?
    is it something that could be avoided next time?
    speak to your consultants, ask for genetic counselling.
    any pregnancy is a risk.. there simply are no guarantees but the worst case is something hereditary with fifty per cent risk - but you would probably know if it was that...next case is 25% if its something recessive both you and husband carry. but that's 75% in favour of a good outcome. then all the other possible issues - well much lower risk.

    but it sounds like you would rather face the risk again than not?

    or you could talk about going for fostering or adoption. but adoption also comes with unknowns...
  • NikiM
    NikiM Online Community Member Posts: 36 Connected
    Hi Vicky,

    I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I can't possibly imagine what you are going through. My eldest daughter, 10 suffered a birth injury leaving her with severe cerebral palsy. I knedifficulties theore children but like you was terrified of the same thing happening again. I had counselling throughout my second pregnancy and that helped. Have you and your husband considered this?
    I have 2 younger children now, both healthy and having them was the best decision we could have made for our family. They helped us focus on all 3 kids and not allow our lives to be consumed by Maria's difficulties.
    I can appreciate that the fear of what might happen is overwhelming and I hope others here with similar experiences may be able to offer more solid advice and I wish you and your family the best and hope you can find a way to move forward. Niki

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