Helping a mate with his MH

wandering_chris
wandering_chris Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 104 Empowering
in Mental health and wellbeing

Hi all,

Sorry i've not been on the forums much, i've been doing alot, and my mates been dealing with alot of stuff regarding his MH, PTSD. He was even hospitalized earlier this month, he also faces antisemitism on and offline, from targeted abuse to the "everyday hate" as he calls it, both on and offline.

Everyday hate of course encompassing everything from racist online comments aimed at the community, to hateful literature, verbal abuse and graffiti.

Some tell him to pick his battles, but I believe that he's right when he says he needs to "log the lot" as it really paints a picture what it's like being a disabled Jewish man in a rough area and the inescapable reality he faces on an everyday basis, and people need to see that.

That said, he's looking to a future away from where he lives one day and he's happy although he still has the nightmares and flashbacks which are sometimes triggered by reminders, or, sometimes people asking about his situation and directly asking what happened to him (the worst thing you can do for anyone with PTSD)

He feels closeted in his Jewish identity, only safe to go certain places and has to hide visible symbols of his identity to avoid any possible attacks.He's a Closet Jew, as he calls himself (dont know what others make of that expression, I think Crypto Jew is the PC term) This both frustrates and saddens him and he likens the situation with antisemitism to homophobia in the 80s.

In otherwords he's ok if no one asks an no one tells* (don't ask, don't tell)

Any advice for him or those supporting him,

Wandering_Chris

*This was wrote with his approval

Comments

  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Online Community Member Posts: 14,991 Championing

    Hi @wandering_chris

    I'm sorry to read your posts about your friend as things don't seem to be getting any easier for him

    I'm really sorry but I don't have any advice but I have been wondering for a while if I can relate in a really weird sort of way and maybe if we can maybe help each other??

    I'm part of a demographic which most people see as the "privileged" or "advantaged" demographic and often seen as the "enemy" or the one who has "benefitted" at the expense of others

    This seems a bit similar to how Jewish people are unfairly viewed (by some) at the moment … However the one difference I have from your friend is I didn't choose to be part of this demographic and don't actually like being part of this demographic … I'm assuming your friend is in fact proud to be Jewish!

    However the reason I think we might be able to relate is, I notice a lot of Jewish people are unfairly treated as though they are somehow guilty of something based on their protected characteristic - I experience a lot of hatred based on my own protected characteristic and it causes me a lot of difficulty with my mental health

    I would be interested to know if I could PM you?? If not that's fine and hope your friend is keeping as well as can be

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 9,784 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Heya @wandering_chris it's good to see you again and I'm glad you're still helping your friend out.

    I can empathise with the PTSD issues, it's certainly not an easy ride, even when people are asking out of concern. I started just making jokes out of it to keep my mind off the real reason. So I was taken by aliens one week, or kidnapped by mer-men the next. It did help a little bit, but I understand it could be totally different for your friend.

    Although I'd agree that things need to be logged., doing all of that as one person can be a lot to take on and can, although done with the best of intents, cause more harm to your friend emotionally. It's very much a balancing act.

  • wandering_chris
    wandering_chris Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 104 Empowering
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/867690#Comment_867690

    Hi Albus,

    Thanks for your post, I get what your saying, I also get the importance of giving those he's showing incident logs too the most detailed picture of what it is like to be who he is, where he is, at this time. People need to see the ugliness, otherwise how can they believe what they can't see? (let's be honest, some people don't and they need proof)

    Also I like the jokes idea, as does my mate who's currently observing sabbath right now so while he can't use the PC I can and I can pass on he says while its a good idea, it might not work when sharing important stuff amongst officialdom, GP's and such.

  • wandering_chris
    wandering_chris Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 104 Empowering
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/867612#Comment_867612

    Hi Mustang,

    Thanks for your kind words, as for the idea of "privellege" I believe there's great misunderstanding both on the part of the user of that term and the reciever.

    When used properly by the user of that term, they mean: "Something advantageous you can do, that others that have less of an advantage can't do" - I'm tough, I lift weights, I could probably go certain places at night, could a woman? Probably not.

    As a white bloke, will I get stopped and searched? Probably not. So when people use the word privellege that 's all they mean. My friend has wrongfully heard he's privelleged because he can "pass for white", and yes it's something he can do others can't, but it has no advantage. I can tell you from what i've seen of my friend - Passing hurts, being something you're not takes energy, means one has to lie, and causes alot of uneccessary drama he shouldn't have in his life.

    Imagine all the effort that takes, the pretending, the lying by omission, the anglocising, changing how they speak, words they use, hiding the things they wear. That's alot of effort, specially when you're disabled too!

    I know this as a disabled man who "passed for abled" in so much as behaving in ways that were unstereotypical so people would like me.

    My friend is proud of the acheivements of the group he's a part of , so he's proud in that sense. Also, as ive stated he should be allowed to be open about who he is and display that. As for why Jews face unfair treatment, i'd have to unpack the history of european, soviet and middle east antisemitism and that would take ages to type.

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