Religion - Does it really Count!

Queen_K
Queen_K Online Community Member Posts: 266 Empowering
in Relationships
Who thinks Religion really matters in a relationship?

Comments

  • michael57
    michael57 Online Community Member Posts: 1,655 Championing
    why should it 
  • MW123
    MW123 Scope Member Posts: 1,464 Championing
    Religion's impact on relationships is individual and based on beliefs. Shared values can enrich connections, but religion isn't a prerequisite for a successful relationship. Faith differences can peacefully coexist.
  • Queen_K
    Queen_K Online Community Member Posts: 266 Empowering
    To me it sometimes does matter and sometimes it doesn't. But that is my opinion. 
  • zaddy123
    zaddy123 Online Community Member Posts: 30 Contributor
    It depends on the individual if they care about religion. If they are  willing to compromise, 

    It should be spoken about in the relationship if its a problem or not. 


  • Queen_K
    Queen_K Online Community Member Posts: 266 Empowering
    @zaddy123
    I agree
  • JW77
    JW77 Online Community Member Posts: 193 Empowering
    To some people it matters deeply.  I'm in a relationship with a fairly openminded practicing christian, who goes to and is involved in the church. She goes, I don't. And we're fine with that.
    I'm both bi, or most likely pansexual, and polyamorous.  I have spirituality, but don't believe a godlike being! 

    We compromise, it its not the perfect relationship but what is?

    I feel that if your dating and going for relationships you have to have a certain level of freedom, otherwise life passes by too quickly.

    That said, I once had a single date with a gorgeous girl, a hot summer day. She turns up dressed real nice, I'm far more casual!  We eat, walk.  Take a rest on the grass.  Then she starts asking me if I'm relgious and do I want to listen to her favourite sermon.   Ummmm  Nope she's not one for me!

    My first intimate relationship was with the queer poly daughter of an orthodox rabbi! We're still really good friends
    Happy times!  

  • zaddy123
    zaddy123 Online Community Member Posts: 30 Contributor
    JW77 said:
    To some people it matters deeply.  I'm in a relationship with a fairly openminded practicing christian, who goes to and is involved in the church. She goes, I don't. And we're fine with that.
    I'm both bi, or most likely pansexual, and polyamorous.  I have spirituality, but don't believe a godlike being! 

    We compromise, it its not the perfect relationship but what is?

    I feel that if your dating and going for relationships you have to have a certain level of freedom, otherwise life passes by too quickly.

    That said, I once had a single date with a gorgeous girl, a hot summer day. She turns up dressed real nice, I'm far more casual!  We eat, walk.  Take a rest on the grass.  Then she starts asking me if I'm relgious and do I want to listen to her favourite sermon.   Ummmm  Nope she's not one for me!

    My first intimate relationship was with the queer poly daughter of an orthodox rabbi! We're still really good friends
    Happy times!  

    Wow I am very happy for you, that is quite the difference haha. 

    I am also not religious, however my parents are and my gf parents want her to marry someone religious. 
    We make it work even though our differences. The parents are not happy but we are both very much in love and do not want that to end.  
  • marmitelover2000
    marmitelover2000 Online Community Member Posts: 38 Contributor

    This is just an opinion so it doesn't have much weight. I can think in most cases it's very important but depends on how observant the people involved are.

    Religion tends to be based off a core set of values. A lot of which can be controversial and divisive eg. is abortion just?

    ( please don't try and answer this as its a fiery subject)

    The point being, you shouldn't have to change your strong beliefs and neither should your partner. You are incompatible if your core values are diametrically opposed.

    Your weekly routine can be very different. Eg. Christians visit church on sunday in best sunday clothes , in judaism it's friday night erev Shabbat at home and Shabbat at the synagogue in a suit and tie. Secularists the weekend is for binging netflix in pyjamas and waking up late ( a kind of sabbath in it's own sense) and of course pursuing interests that matter to them. Whilst they all arguably fulfill the same purpose, they look very different.

    It can also decide where your priorities lie: building a family or remaining without kids.

    It also suggests how strong the union of marriage is ( not how much you love each other )

    For example, for a secular person: marriage is a nice thing that is done for sharing assets, tax purposes and for professing one's love for eachother. It's a nice gesture and convenient.

    In some religions ( mainly monotheistic ones) Once you are married you are bound in spiritual union you become a single entity: family.

    The goal is to procreate and raise the best kids you can with your (hopefully good) morals and beliefs about the world.

    The stakes are higher, adultery won't just get you a punch in the face but an all expenses paid trip to H-E-double hockey sticks for your sins.

    Divorce would really anger the big man upstairs and land you in the same position unless you wipe the union from existence ( annulment- catholicism. really difficult one to do because the pope has to agree)

    With secularism the stakes are lower and less existential. It still sucks though.

    Of course this is just in general, there are varying levels of observance. It's just some food for thought.

    Let me know what you think?

  • Queen_K
    Queen_K Online Community Member Posts: 266 Empowering

    Your perspective brings up several important points about how differing core values, especially those rooted in religion, can impact relationships. Here are my thoughts:

    1. Core Values and Compatibility: I agree that core values, especially those rooted in religious beliefs, play a significant role in relationship compatibility. If two people have fundamentally opposing views on crucial issues, it can be challenging to find common ground. It's essential for partners to either share core values or be able to respect and navigate their differences harmoniously.
    2. Weekly Routines and Religious Practices: Your examples of how different groups observe their weekends highlight how diverse religious and secular practices can shape daily life. While these routines may seem superficial, they often reflect deeper values and priorities that can influence a relationship. Understanding and respecting each other's practices is crucial for harmony.
    3. Priorities in Life: Religion can significantly influence life priorities, such as family planning. For some, having children and raising them within their faith is a central life goal, while others might prioritize different aspects of life. These priorities need to be aligned or mutually respected for a relationship to thrive.
    4. Perception of Marriage: Your comparison of secular and religious views on marriage underscores how beliefs shape the significance and expectations of marriage. For many religious individuals, marriage is a sacred, lifelong commitment, while secular views may see it as a more flexible and personal arrangement. Understanding these perspectives can help partners navigate their relationship expectations.
    5. Consequences of Actions: The idea that religious beliefs can heighten the perceived consequences of actions like adultery or divorce is an interesting point. These beliefs can add a layer of moral and existential weight to decisions, which might not be as prominent in secular views. This can influence how conflicts and challenges are addressed within a relationship.

    In summary, your analysis provides a nuanced view of how religious and secular values impact relationships. It's clear that for a relationship to be successful, there needs to be a deep understanding and respect for each other's beliefs and values. These discussions are essential for building a strong and harmonious partnership.

  • Andi66
    Andi66 Online Community Member Posts: 1,039 Championing

    I used to go to church, no longer been treated badly, the ones I went to don't understand or care if you have autism. Live in their own little cliche,

  • JoannaJoanna
    JoannaJoanna Online Community Member Posts: 11 Listener

    I would say I'm very Christian and it does matter. I go to church and the previous comment is true, disabled people aren't always treated so well in my opinion but that's not just church it's the whole society and community. My church is very loving so far but they don't know I'm disabled so I have to really hide it IMO and It's taxing, hard and sad.

    I care about religion because Jesus keeps me alive IMO. . . I guess. . . when I've been at my lowest, it's always 1 or 2 nice church people or faith that kept me floating. If I marry a guy who doesn't have my sexual ethics, or views, or this just isn't that deep for him and his crutch isn't religion or Jesus but another version of God or people or society then we will clash.

    He might have had a family and loving support network with religion - or without it and not needing that.

    Then the other parts of religion - in Christian faith - is concepts like laying down your life for Jesus, forgiveness, being persecuted by others, withstanding compromisng, and even potentially having life taken away from you one day as a result of your faith (by this I mean being in a closed/persecutory society, not you initiating it). My thoughts are these concepts would seem ridiculous and extreme to someone outside your faith. Also the issue of life guidance. . . Many real (meaning they take our New Testament scripture pretty literally) Christians rely heavily on the supernatural for life and guidance and decision-making. . . Things like dreams, mystical things, etc., and our God says this is ridiculous to both the natural mind and logically thinking non-believers/people. He says this will be ridiculous to them and they won't understand it, but you live your life by it. How would you get on with this person in a relationship?

    Then imagine bringing kids into this environment or trying to get on, in my case, you need to get with another extremely religious person who wants to have dreams about where to go on holidays, and someone to live in fairytale la la land with you. . . Haha, no I joke. 😋

    No but seriously, I just felt we wouldn't truly get along. There would be clashing and resentment eventually. I know in my case, my non-Christian/non-religious friends and family find me insufferable.

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