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Beamsy
Beamsy Online Community Member Posts: 1 Listener
in Coffee lounge

Never envisaged I'd be on a forum like this. Got to be honest and say, it seems to me that little empathy is extended towards carers who are really struggling to accept Thier partner's condition and the life changes this brings. My husband's mobility issues are one thing but his personality has also changed, so life has really changed for both of us- but nearly most of the understanding and empathy goes towards him, whilst I'm basically being told -youve just got to adapt, just got to get on with it.

I always thought I had patience and was loving, caring, supportive, and used to be shocked if I heard someone like me going on, like this, you know thinking they were hard uncaring and selfish - but like everything else in life - unless you've really experienced it, you don't know how you might react. So please don't be so harsh on carers, it can be mentally and physically consuming, we need a lot of encouragement too!

I love my husband, but we are not lovers anymore, we are friends. I know I will always be here for him, however I am not the person I used to be either, life is sad at times. Our faith helps us.

Thank you for this forum whoever started it.

Comments

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 63,129 Championing

    Hi @Beamsy welcome to the forum. You are doing a grand job and I know how hard it can get caring. Lots of members on here are carers whilst also battling their own problems.

    Its a great place to unwind and get lots of support and make friends.

  • Jodie_Scope
    Jodie_Scope Scope Family Services Posts: 68 Family Services

    Hi @Beamsy

    Thank you for reaching out.

    You are doing an amazing job as your Husband’s carer but as you say, sometimes it isn’t all about the physical and mental support they need, you need support too. To be told you just have to ‘adapt and get on with it’ is not helpful and quite demeaning, becoming a carer is life changing and such a huge thing to adapt to.

    Carers do an amazing job, and this should never be overlooked. You are also right when you say, if you have never been in this position you’ll never know how it will make you feel.

    You clearly are not a hard, uncaring person and I have a lot of respect for what you do, I’m sure many other people do to.

    I am glad your faith helps you. I have also added a link to Carers UK which is specifically for other carers to offload and share their experiences with eachother.

    Our Forum | Carers UK

    You sound like a wonderful person and I’m sure your Husband is thankful for everything you do for him.

    Take care and be kind to yourself ❤️

    Jodie 😊

  • Tanya8
    Tanya8 Online Community Member Posts: 4 Listener
    edited September 2024

    One of the most frequent complaints I hear about in my Coaching Practice is the Woman who has taken on "too much"… and I repeatedly teach them how to take back the power of choice and how to say No.

    This doesn't mean teaching them to be selfish but it does help them to learn how important looking after themselves is so that they can do even more (if they want to) WITHOUT burnout, regret and resentment.

    [Comment edited by moderator: Personal information]

  • Jimm_Alumni
    Jimm_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,713 Championing

    Welcome @Beamsy 🙂 You are right, while a lot of the empathy does go towards the disabled, which they do deserve, often the carers themselves are forgotten about. It is not easy being a carer. While I'm not sure I'd call myself or my partner carers, we are both disabled and both care for each other. It's hard work, which is not exactly rewarded in either monetary terms or in praise/recognition.

    You know that you can apply for help with the caring, or getting a short break from the caring? To give you some time to yourself.

    You can read more here: Carers: help and support - Citizens Advice

    As there is quite a bit of support out there for Carers, I do agree though it isn't enough and it's not talked about enough.

  • egister
    egister Posts: 1,110 Pioneering

    If possible, this more often relaxes far from each other.

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