Hi, my name is Rax!

Rax
Rax Online Community Member Posts: 3 Listener
in Start here and say hello!

I have just been headbutted I have a black eye and kicked in the privates. This is because my 15 year old son with LD, and past trauma, realised, I knew he had stolen my money and bought many sweets.

Money is usually hidden, but I had change ready for him to gou out

I was taking the sweets off him so he would eat tea first, I was calm but his reaction caught me off guard, there is usually a build up. first.

I am a big man, I am not needing sympathy, I have joined to see if others have similar issues and is the violence typical. We have it most days.

I had to use restraint as a last resort. This upsets me more than him, I think. ...and he will hit me again over the weekend.

Comments

  • Nightcity
    Nightcity Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 2,670 Championing
    edited October 26

    Hey I was quite violent as a teenager and so were a few others I know with autism and learning disabilities.

    as I grew up I mellowed out and became the kindest softest lump you'd meet, I have autistic outbursts still and can damage furniture but I never would hurt another person like when I was age 8-16.

    I understand as an adult now, how you feel but as that kid also how he feels.

    firstly your son whether he shows it or not will be tortured with guilt and it will never ever,ever be forgotten. I still feel awful about my behaviour as a teen, also He loves you very much I have no doubt even if things may get said in anger .

    secondly you shouldn't have to take this on and need and deserve some support

  • Rax
    Rax Online Community Member Posts: 3 Listener

    Thank you for your words.

    It is reassuring to hear you mellowed as an adult.

    I am worried what would happen if he acted this way as an adult

  • Nightcity
    Nightcity Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 2,670 Championing
    edited October 26
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/931023#Comment_931023

    well obviously every person is different but I'm confident it should die down as others also mellowed I went to a learning disability unit with in the early 90s and still speak to on Facebook.

    But that doesn't help you right now, and your point is right and valid.

    Does he have a good relationship with a GP or someone authoritarian who could perhaps give him a fright but also be good cop?

    my grandfather was a very strict old school man, I have no doubt without him I'd have gone the wrong way.

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 8,327 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Hi @Rax and welcome to the community. 😊

    I'm sorry to hear your son has been lashing out, that can't be easy for either of you. Do you both have proper support in place?

  • Rax
    Rax Online Community Member Posts: 3 Listener

    Hi Albus,

    Thanks for our comment. He is at a specialised school, he has complex needs.

    No support seems available. My feeling is that - 'it is what it is, you have to deal with it". - please advise of any real support tou are aware of.

    Lashing out has been happening for years, we have to hide kitchen knives and tools as these are used as weapons.

    My younger son called the police twice as he was so scared, they allocated a social worker.This lasted 6 weeks before she said there is nothing we can do

    My son with LD went under a psychologist, who did the assessments, defined he had severe LD. She could not offer him therapy as he could not retain information.

    We were sent on de-escalation course, - not geared up to LD. As advised, we walked out, to let him calm down.

    Result- he smashed the TV, laptop, the wood burner and various pieces of furniture.

    We cannot leave him with anyone else, they cannot handle him and he cannot handle the change.

    I have no idea if there is any support that can be given.

    These are extremes, 80% of the time he is a lovable young child.- but when the red mist descends - everyone has to get out of the way - except me.

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