Why? anxiety

Meredithshep
Meredithshep Online Community Member Posts: 87 Empowering
in Mental health and wellbeing

I feel really anxious, a feeling of impending doom on edge waiting for the bad news. There's nothing going on at the moment, no reason to feel this way and I am trying to turn my mind off but it's wandering all over the place. Attempting to do the methods that learned in intensive cbt therapy but really really struggling today, it's just a normal day and I don't have to go anywhere or do anything so why? why am I on the verge of all out panic, why is my heart beating in my throat, why am is so scared of the nothing? Is it my PTSD or is it intuition? am I so in sync with things that I already know or am I starting to spiral. I feel fear, my stomach is churning and I feel sick my nerves are jumping. Not in too much pain today, do I need my pain back to ground me ……. it does help keep me in the here an now but I can't make my pain that bad by willing it it just is or isn't. I have a medical phobia but any medical stuff is months away, have no clue why I feel this way today

Comments

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 9,784 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Heya @Meredithshep sorry to hear you're so on edge. I know my PTSD can make me super hypervigilant, which can get amazingly draining and affect me in other ways. Do you have any grounding exercises to practice? They can be super useful to snap you back into the present when things start spiraling. We're all here if you want to talk things through.

  • Meredithshep
    Meredithshep Online Community Member Posts: 87 Empowering

    Thank you both, yes have been trying grounding techniques most of the day. Sat in the back garden for a while and watched the birds feeding. I have flashback around once per week sometimes twice, the nightmare I have is just as bad but I feel the fear of a flashback causes a lot of my anxiety which in turn makes me hypervigilant so it's a viscious circle. I am trying techniques to help change my dream too but it's not working and I fear going to sleep but am absolutely exhausted. The panic attacks are draining to the point of exhaustion but I'm still struggling with sleep even though on medications

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 9,784 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    It really is a vicious circle, I'm so sorry it's happening, but it's nice you have a garden so you can chat to the birds.

    I know you say you avoid medical things, but has anyone spoken to you about EMDR therapy at all? CBT did nothing for me, but EMDR was actually life changing.

  • Meredithshep
    Meredithshep Online Community Member Posts: 87 Empowering
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/939085#Comment_939085

    It is a blessing to have a garden even in cold weather, the mental health professional that I first saw after talking therapy actually said EMDR would be the treatment of choice for me but when I was finally contacted I was told no one was available at the time and I'd already waited months so would I try intensive CBT instead ……. I was desperate so said yes. I did manage to do all the sessions but couldn't face the reliving phase, every time we tried to go there I had panic attacks. All this was done via video call because I panic going near the local hospital. I've been told to self refer back when I am ready for the reliving phase …… I'm not sure I ever will be.

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 9,784 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    I'm so sorry @Meredithshep I know how tough it is to remember. Unfortunately with most of the therapies, the reliving phase is the really important part to do.

    EMDR wasn't fun at all and I was very wobbly for a day or two after each session. But it really made such a huge difference. I can now think about what happened to me without flashbacks or panic attacks. I still get occasional flashbacks and night terrors, but life feels worth living again. So there's definitely hope. ❤️

  • Meredithshep
    Meredithshep Online Community Member Posts: 87 Empowering

    She did say that because I can't remember and don't want to that it's my brains way of coping and stuff just bursts out by way of flashbacks, psuedo hallucinations and nightmares. I do need to deal with grief too which she says complicates things with the PTSD, I am just trying to get through each day at the moment, my grief has been ongoing for quite a while now and nothing seems to help as they are interwoven.

  • Meredithshep
    Meredithshep Online Community Member Posts: 87 Empowering

    I think at times we both died only I carried on breathing, I do remember but not the small details or the order of events anymore. I don't know who I am anymore, just don't recognise this person.

  • Meredithshep
    Meredithshep Online Community Member Posts: 87 Empowering
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/939413#Comment_939413

    Tried that, yes it did help a little and I would advise anyone struggling with grief to try it. I believe it's the circumstances, the events witnessed and things read afterwards and the investigations that took place …. all delayed the natural grieving process and now I'm left with so much anger and guilt that I am stuck. We're advised to try to find our good memories, to find a way of remembering without all the negative memories but it's so difficult when they pop up all the time due to the ptsd involved.

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