Christmas! the dreaded C word!

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starbuck
starbuck Online Community Member Posts: 195 Empowering
in Families and carers

This is a very long story so I'll cut it down to the main crux of my problem.

I don't want our eldest child and their partner to come to us for Christmas this year. They're 30 years old and have always come to us but this year I just don't have the energy to host them for a few days (that's where the long story part comes in).

I'm scared to tell them no, partly because they'll be hurt, and partly because I know our other adult kids who still live at home will be expecting them.

Each Christmas I lie to myself that it will be better this year but it never is and I heave a sigh of relief when they've left. Am I selfish for just wanting a more chilled out Christmas? I always swore I'd never turn my kids away for any reason but this year I'm at the end of my tether.

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  • michael57
    michael57 Online Community Member Posts: 1,593 Championing

    why not have them over and let them and the ones at home do xmas day for you while you just relax and enjoy there company kill 2 birds with one stone as long as they wash up after themselves

  • starbuck
    starbuck Online Community Member Posts: 195 Empowering

    I tried that last year but it ended up with me cooking the dinner and washing up……

  • Kimi87
    Kimi87 Online Community Member Posts: 6,063 Championing
    edited November 2024

    You aren't selfish at all.

    You could look at doing things differently rather than an either/or situation.

    As parent do you end up doing everything for them over Christmas?

    Change things so they do more or all of the work.

    Hosting for the usual few days too much?

    Have them round on a day of your choosing, for an amount of time you choose and no overnight stay (if applicable).

    Do you do everything from scratch? Buy ready made/easy cook food.

    One of my favourite Christmas lunches was a selection of party nibbles cooked straight from the freezer!

  • michael57
    michael57 Online Community Member Posts: 1,593 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/941230#Comment_941230

    book a couple of days away for yourself and let them fend for themselves or give them beans on toast oh you best not i may come knocking my fav meal its tricky but they need to learn life is give and take not all take

  • JessieJ
    JessieJ Online Community Member Posts: 970 Trailblazing

    Just be honest with them, all of them & explain how you feel.

  • whistles
    whistles Online Community Member Posts: 2,049 Championing

    I don't do Christmas and it's they've most peaceful, stress free, calm time of the year. It's not lonely, it's me time.

    If you feel you HAVE to do something, stop. Because you don't have to. We are adults that can make our own decisions. Just because there is such a thing as Christmas, you don't have to do it anymore than Halloween or Bonfire night or Easter.

  • Bluebell21
    Bluebell21 Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 12,602 Championing

    Hi @starbuck Could you tell them that you are no longer able to do all the Christmas things you usually do as it is just too much for you now.

    Could your other children all go to the eldest child house for Christmas and give you a total break.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 63,123 Championing

    Its a tough one that. I would tell them it's getting harder for you and give them the opportunity to come up with another plan

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