Burnt out
I've completely crashed after months of worry my dad not being well but being cruel to me I feel physically sick tired unable to do anything getting out of bed an effort crying constantly everything is unbearable since last October been living in constant fear I'm so tired of it all what is the answer a whole life of suffering worrying feeling physically sick worn out worn down sorry just find things so so hard walking downstairs is an effort I can't face my dad I constantly had his back with social services trying to evict him I've given all my energy to him can't keep facing the nastiness one minute he's OK next he's so cruel I've worked so hard on my temper but it's like he deliberately want me to scream shout even my daughter said its a weird toxic relationship she has noting to do with him I'm always for the under dog as I feel like one myself I think he expects me to keep bouncing back I don't want to see him I get to the point where I just can't
Comments
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Hi @Catherine21, I'm going to send you an email later so please look out for that soon.
I'm really sorry to hear about all you're going through, I know it's been a rough time for you over the last few months with all that's gone on in the world. And there can be a lot of complicated feelings when you have a family member that you want to care for who doesn't always treat you with kindness.
I think sometimes you can only give so much, so it's understandable that you're feeling burnt out after having such an intense time lately. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself if you can. It's so important to look after yourself as much as possible.
Have you been able to talk to your daughter about how you're feeling?
I hope things settle down soon and you can have some time to yourself to recharge. ❤️
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Thanks Rosie yes spoke to my daughter she doesn't have noting to do with my dad she doesn't understand the way he lives and she hates the way he speaks to me I can't stop crying for years I've been supporting him always about him he's filthy honestly they moved him upstairs to guest room whilst gutting his bathroom it smelt so bad whilst they was doing bathroom I cleaned flat was hard as two workmen there and my body dismorphia was really triggered also workmen must of thought I must have been like him I worked so so hard was fruit flys poo on ceilings covering everywhere rotten as he never let me clean just scream at me to get out 10 days in a row cleaning having to get taxis anxiety through roof facing so many people he'd been in guest suite for a week and there was food all trodden into carpet wee and feases in toilet smelt if urine broke the kettle he's been like this all my life I questioned the mess he called me every name under the sun I just left tired worn out crying I can't take him anymore the sad thing is he's closer to death than life he's made my mental so bad I want to call but I will just get abuse sorry Rosie to go on he was horrid to me when I was a child calling me miss piggy getting all his drunk friends to laugh at me making pig sounds and of lately he's been reminding me I've been triggered I just can't stop crying
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The message I just sent you can we keep between ourselves pls
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Hi @Catherine21 I am so very sorry things are so difficult for you.
You have done your very best for your dad and now you have to put yourself first.
He has carers and social services are involved let them take care of him.
Sometimes you can be too close to a person to give them the help they should have because you are emotionally involved.
Please take care of yourself. We are here anytime you want to talk.
Take care.
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No need to apologise at all @Catherine21, that's a lot to deal with and it all goes so far back into your childhood. It's no wonder you're feeling triggered by it, there's a lot of history there and years of feelings to deal with.
Please try to take some time to yourself if you can. Much as he might be having a difficult time, you are too and your wellbeing is just as important. Sending you lots of love your way ❤️
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Thanks bluebell it's so so hard I'm a great empath but he has put my mental health to the floor wish I didn't care so much even what's happening in gaza Syria is so painful sorry been a year of it I hope your well x
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I am not too bad thanks @Catherine21
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Thankyou Rosie much appreciated x
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So so very sorry to hear how things are for you @Catherine21 , it's understandable you feel as you do . My heart goes out to you . It's terribly upsetting to see what you have been dealing with. As you will already know it's something you can do without. I really wish you was not dealing with these stressful situations. I hope you can find some time for yourself. You are very important. Putting other people before yourself needs to be the last thing you need to doing . I really hope you can get that time to rest and recover. Dealing with family is so terribly difficult many times over . I really wished it wasn't but it is . I really do hope you can take that much needed time for yourself. You deserve so much better than what you have had to deal with. Sending gentle hugs
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Please please please take care of yourself @Catherine21
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Best wishes always ❤️
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AAh Thankyou strawberry x
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Your welcome @Catherine21 . Please take care of yourself
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