Survived Christmas
Are there any other parents or carers like me who have a special needs child and no other family at all?.I find that every holiday period I seem to be the only person that has their teenager with them.for the entire 2 weeks,6 weeks holidays.Others either go to the other parents or aunts/uncles,grandparents or even friends.I am just exhausted.Im not sure how much longer I can go on like this,I thought as my son got into his teenage years he would have friends even if online.Ive sent him to clubs over the years since age 5 but nothing works out.His school said he is just happy to be in my company but I'm mentally and physically drained now.I would like to hear from anyone else in the same position
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never ever complain about your son being in your company.
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Banarama, I found my one child absolutely exhausting and I had parental relief!
Jane is complaining about being mentally and physically drained. Please do not dismiss this.
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My son is my absolute world.I would never complain about him being in my company.I did find this quite hurtful but think there must be more behind the comment perhaps Bananarama is missing a child.So I am not taking it to heart because I'm extremely vulnerable right now as a lot of us are on here.
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My 3 children are all grown up now. I've been a single mum since my youngest was 2.5 years old. I also had no other family when they were growing up. My youngest had difficulties from a very young age but was undiagnosed until she was about 18 years old. I also had health conditions myself from when they were a young age.
They spent their entire time with me, including school holidays and yes it was very difficult but I managed it because there was no other way. My daughters didn't really go out with friends when they were younger, though my son did.
I had many times where I was pulling my hair out and yes it was difficult at times but I got through it and you will too.
My youngest still lives with me and she doesn't work because of ASD, learning disability and social anxiety.
I have the most amazing relationship with my 2 daughters and we are extremely close. I have 2 grandchildren, who I see quite a few times a week and I adore them.
Have you thought about referring yourself for a needs assessment? There maybe some support out there for you.
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This sounds a great idea.I have an extremely close relationship with my son and love him to bits.I just worry too aside from my exhaustion(good idea about assessment).I just hope that he can develop a sense of independence for the future to enable his true potential in all areas.He was treated extremely badly by his father which is why the family courts awarded me sole custody.I will always do my upmost best for him as I am all he has.I
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poppy, having an only child is quite different because you are their only company (I was fortunate that mine did enjoy the company of other children, more so as a teenager).
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Jane, we found the holiday clubs horrendous and rarely much fun, just left on their own to play - certainly not as described. The children didn't get much adult attention or do the activities they wanted to do.
My daughter arrived distraught from a baking hot coach trip to the seaside because she was the only child not to get an ice lolly that day. I hadn't given her money by mistake and not one adult cared enough to pay for one until the coach returned to base.
After-school clubs were hit and miss and the only ones she could sustain were musical. I recommend introducing your son to any instrument that he could play alone after a bit of practice. Is there a chess club at the school or fencing or dance? Has he tried the boy scouts where he could learn how to tie amazing knots or go wild camping?
I occasionally used a childminder to collect her or occupy her when I was particularly unwell and she didn't particularly like that but it was for my benefit.
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@WhatThe thank you x
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Not dismissing anything. But her son is so precious
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When my daughter entered teenage years I was pulling my hair out we all need our space if I don't get sometime to myself I get very agitated and used to feel guilty we are only human not super woman your doing amazing it's hard and your feelings are valid and it's understandable you feel overwhelmed at times especially on your own
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Hi Jane, it is very endearing that your son is content to be in your company when not at school and has not morphed into a moody teenager! If he's otherwise happy then, as Catherine says, you are doing a grand job (I became embarrassing mum to my girl 😄).
poppy's care needs assessment is definitely the way forward.
Is it possible that your son worries about you and feels better just being with you ? You don't need to answer and I hope my question doesn't upset you (my child worried about me more than I realised).
Secondary school was far less fun than primary and pretty tiresome 🤨
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You could never upset me X.No he is very unconcerned about me.He is extremely content because I spend hours playing board games and taking him over the park.I found the only time I couldn't manage it for 2 days once when I was seriously ill he went into a deep depression and I had to get Camhs involved.They suggested various things which I've tried over the years since age 5.But unfortunately nothing worked.I think it's important personally for him to be social amongst other people aside from me and would love him to have friends of varying ages and genders.Its not just about me being exhausted or being away from him as Bananarama seems to be implying as I love him and have never spent a day away from him apart from when he was kidnapped from me as a baby.Which is why I will always do everything I can whilst I have strength.But that is failing me after all these years.Probably my age too and that he still gets me up at night for various things.I am only alive for him and trying to focus on a plan for his future.Today I got told That I will start talking therapy next week but I can start/continue with it if it doesn't open up a can of worms and impact my son negativily.
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@WhatThe I imagine your daughter is extremely proud of you.You are an.extremely nice person and your words have been so kind and helpful.
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Hi @Jane315STARX Having read your posts there is no doubt in my mind that your son is your whole life and you love him very much.
You do though have to think of yourself as well. Talking therapy can help you if you are willing to tell the full story and it will help you to let out some of what you are feeling regarding yourself and your son's future.
Being a parent we do our best for our children but we do count as well.
Please try and be kinder to yourself.
Take care.
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Thank you x
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While I do not know all the specifics of your situation, have you considered finding a trusted babysitter or a friend to watch your son for a little while? This could give you the opportunity to explore evening activities or clubs for yourself. Even taking a small amount of time for something you enjoy, like a hobby or a fitness or swimming class once or twice a week, can make a huge difference.
You absolutely deserve time to recharge, and taking that time for yourself can help you maintain the energy and focus needed to continue being the loving and dedicated mother that your son truly values in you.
By creating a healthier balance for yourself, you will also be helping your son develop more independence and get used to you not being available all the time when he is at home. I know it might not be easy at first, but I truly believe it could be a positive step for both of you in the long run.
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Thank you so much for the suggestion.3 years ago I tried this with a neighbour but they phoned me to come home after an hour and a half to say my son was too hyperactive ( he is extremely hyperactive and constantly wants to play games).Reading your suggestion sounds like a great idea but I can't think of anywhere I'd go in the evening or do and haven't the funds and I'd be worried sick about what my son was up to and what he was breaking.But I do appreciate the suggestion.Im sure there is an answer
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I agree really defends and supports alot of people
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