A very different Christmas to others.

Trixter_82_

Hi, so I've been really ill during the run up to Christmas, I have 3 high needs kids all home full time, rarely getting a break, my kids have been getting ill also with winter bugs etc and kids dad has autism and ptsd which he's currently getting therapy for the ptsd.

On top of all that I suffer with herniated discs in my lower back and severe migraines which were made worse with the virus I recently had. The house has just completely gone to pot, last night as I felt bit better tried to clean it as we were not ready at all for Christmas.

Whilst trying to clean my partner put up new beds and did other bits, but kids did not settle at all until the early hours, 5am and I never got to do what needed to be done. 

My kids will get Christmas but this year its so much later than everyone else's, on account of my chronic illness and kids very high, complex needs and my partner's mental health difficulties. 

I feel so bad since all I'm seeing all over social media is kids super excited opening their presents, patents super happy seeing their kids faces light up, when ours is so much different. 

I feel so alone and isolated in all this. 

Please tell me I'm not the only parent who's Christmases are so different? 

sisinia

You are not alone. Remember that social media only shows what people wants you to see. No one's Christmas is gonna be perfect. The fact that you guys are trying through all that is all that you can do. So what if it doesn't look perfect, as long as you do what you can and children are happy. I celebrated with my children yesterday they celebrate with their dad today. It was far from perfect on the outside but children were happy (mostly, a few things happened but that's expected with 3 autistic children and autistic mother). We winged it and got through it and the kids were happy at the end of the day which is what mattered to me. 

ShirleyW

What you see on social media and television is not real life.

Your kids are safe, fed, have a roof over their heads and they are loved by you and your husband.  Nothing else matters.

Everybody has difficulties of some sort at Christmas. 
Nothing is ever perfect. 

Stop watching the tv and watching social media. Play some games with the kids.  That's what they will remember. 

Cher_Alumni

Hello @Trixter_82_ How are you doing today? Did you have a nice Christmas Day yesterday? I hope so.

You definitely aren't alone in how you were feeling. The pressure to have that 'picture perfect' Christmas Day seems to heighten every year and absolutely, social media does have it's benefits but it can lead to comparison and really knock the self esteem of those trying their darndest in difficult circumstances. 

Reading your post I was struck by your determination to give your family the best time possible, and the things they will remember in later life aren't whether it was instagram perfect, but how it made them feel. Cleaning, putting up beds in the early hours, being there for your lovely kids, with a chronic illness yourself - you are doing more than enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone. And those seemingly rosy snapshots of others lives hide domestic arguments, burnt turkey and trouble with the in-laws, I assure you

As an aside, I wondered if there was any further support you thought could benefit your family. Be that yourself, your children or your husband with his PTSD? Just thinking, would a local authority needs assessment be something you'd consider?

Also, I'm not sure if you've heard of, or tried, Scope's Navigate service. But it's there to provide emotional support to families of disabled children and those with additional needs. The team are lovely and would speak with you about your feelings and listen. It's good to be heard! 

Anyhow, please let us know how you got on and sending lots of virtual support your way. Take care all of you.