Dating with chronic pain or invisible disabilities... — Scope | Disability forum
If we become concerned about you or anyone else while using one of our services, we will act in line with our safeguarding policy and procedures. This may involve sharing this information with relevant authorities to ensure we comply with our policies and legal obligations.

Find out how to let us know if you're concerned about another member's safety.
Please read our updated community house rules and community guidelines.

Dating with chronic pain or invisible disabilities...

chronic_and_iconic
chronic_and_iconic Community member Posts: 21 Connected
Dating with chronic pain or other disabilities is tough, especially if there’s nothing visible about your condition. Finding someone using dating dating apps like Hinge or Tinder is hard to begin with, but dating with invisible disabilities adds a whole other level of difficulty.  Here are a couple of things I've figured out over the years about writing a profile and finding someone good through the hellscape that is modern app dating. (And please, please comment if you have any tips or tricks of your own... I am still single...)

Comments

  • Alex_Scope
    Alex_Scope Posts: 7,562 Scope online community team
    Thanks for sharing this @chronic_and_iconic it's a topic well worth discussion :) 

    As for tips or tricks, I wouldn't say there's a quick and easy way to find a person you'll feel comfortable dating. Perhaps what might help is being clear about the kind of company you enjoy, what you find exciting, or what you love doing, and focus on doing that. 

    If you find someone who also likes similar things and is easy to be with, it can sometimes help not to focus on reaching a certain goal, like 'getting together/getting a partner'.

    Spending time with one another will hopefully be positive, whether it's one date, a friendship, or something more- with enough time one might evolve into the other!
    Online Community Coordinator
    Scope

    Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.

    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
  • chronic_and_iconic
    chronic_and_iconic Community member Posts: 21 Connected
    Thanks for the response! And it's completely true and an important point, that the goals and attitude you go into it with affects the kind of experiences you have.  I'm trying to take a "well even if we don't vibe I'm sure i'll have an interesting conversation with them" approach!
  • Maurice123
    Maurice123 Community member Posts: 103 Courageous
    I am puzzled why there are a number of disabled sites but they all appear to be fraudulent, The secret is to check the location of the site. If it is outside the UK then you can expect it to be fraudulent. That is because they cannot be prosecuted if outside the UK. However the why is there are none.? If they exist I have not been able to find any. The problem for most disabled people is on an abled site people tend to read and shudder. As @ico nic says even if you have no signs of illness  once you mention the word disabled the contact flees. If you then admit to your disability most people run away. The number of women who quote mens ages below their own and up to their age gives a good indication that they are not serious in looking for a real relationship, and the other serious problem is distance.
    If anybody has come across a genuine site can they please quote it. Not disabled singles.com you can see a supposed picture quickly followed by a message which is written in very uneducated English. You will never get a reply.
  • Alex_Scope
    Alex_Scope Posts: 7,562 Scope online community team
    I'm sorry to hear you've had some bad experiences @Maurice123 online dating is pretty hard going!

    It's always a struggle to know when to open up about any disabilities or conditions we have, as some people will react very poorly. The key is to remember this is their problem, and not anything to do with you being lesser or unworthy of a loving relationship :) 
    Online Community Coordinator
    Scope

    Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.

    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
  • chronic_and_iconic
    chronic_and_iconic Community member Posts: 21 Connected
    I wish I knew why there aren't better options, @Maurice123 !  Seems like there's a critical mass of users needed and up until that, yeah, so many scammers.  FWIW, a couple people commented on the post somewhere and said there was a dating app for people with disabilities called Dateability-- I haven't used it or looked to see if it's accessible in the UK, but figured I'd mention it. Good luck to us both! It's tough out there but @Alex_Scope is completely right about having to keep in mind "it's their problem not mine." Sometimes I even succeed!  :D  
  • Maurice123
    Maurice123 Community member Posts: 103 Courageous
    Sorry @ico nic but dateability breaks my first rule. It is based in Cyprus. Therefore false will be girls trying to steal money and real will be ignored with a rubbish message. I think that there are not enough disabled people willing to put themselves on a site. London is fine Outside London I believe there are probably more disabled living with families and very grateful for their help but ask any one of them and they would welcome a social site with other disabled people. Perhaps a younger person could think of starting one. I think a doctors certificate (maybe at a cost of £25) as proof of disability before a membership was granted would help convince other members that the site was genuine. 
    I think it would be best run by a girl who would have empathy for the members and be sympathetic to the even less disabled members. I think that a monthly fee of £9.99 a month would be fair and just maybe there might be a charity willing to contribute, so a bright bubbly girl would be a real asset. Any offers?
  • richard123
    richard123 Community member Posts: 4 Connected
    Just be yourself and honest always, I told my partner on our second date, we have been together 23 years and have a seven year old son, and she puts up with my quirks and all (I dont know how she does it). funny thing was I found her after I gave up looking.
  • ghall25
    ghall25 Community member Posts: 1 Listener
    Please way in, I want to profoundly improve sex and relationship opportunities for the disabled.
    Autistic people say: I want help learning erotic body language.
    Movement disorders can make it so hard too.  Limping and poor posture can get in the way of masculinity and effect being seen as non sexual. Woman or LGBT Probably exspirence similarly.

Brightness

Complete our feedback form and tell us how we can make the community better.