How to deal with triggering vocal sounds from partners

markmus

I liked the funny post from Steve 
who identified that we can all get bogged down with too many phobia labels !
I agree and I think that labelling phobias  are not really getting down to the deep stuff.
I am in need of support with my relationship which is possibly ending because of how I feel often when she speaks .
I become irritated so I can’t take it inside. I feel like I’m suffocating and I feel trapped.
Her breathing pattern is too fast and says too many words all at once until she runs out of breath and then she doesn’t leave a space before starting another sentence!
it’s not all the time but I get exhausted each time it happens and immediately want to escape or change the way she speaks which wouldn’t be reasonable of course.
I don’t see it as a phobia/- I see it as something emotional  triggering happening though and wanted to know if anyone else is experiencing vocal issues in relationships.

Any help would be much appreciated.

Thank you 

Alex_Alumni

Hello @markmus and thanks for reaching out, to help everyone share their thoughts I've moved your post over into our Relationships category. I'm sorry to hear things are a bit of a struggle with your partner. 

Have you spoken to her about how you've been feeling lately? 

it’s not all the time but I get exhausted each time it happens and immediately want to escape or change the way she speaks which wouldn’t be reasonable of course.

I think it would be reasonable to ask politely if she might slow down when speaking as you find it difficult to process. Perhaps you could explain that you'd like to be able to listen fully and have time to respond? 

It can be hard to listen when we are feeling irritated and triggered by something. It might be helpful to ask for some time, maybe15 minutes, to just have a chat about how you're both feeling and how you can help each other feel better when you're together. 

Does that make sense?

Marymay

Hi, 
I understand to some extent but the problems I endured were more of shouting at me which I've now come to see was abuse and not what I first thought of it as just him getting his point accross.

Shouting at me used to make me swich off, from him I hated it yet if he had something to say he made sure you heard it so although I understand how you felt triggered it was for different reasons.