What should I do about my learning disability and older men being just as immature as young men?

Splatmate24

I have seen older guys who were 30 but behaved like they weren't mature but immature. Also, I have had guys over 60+ that I have not been interested in. One of them got angry. There are some of these guys online

Dating. How can you tell the difference between a guy being young and a man who is more mature? My experience of dating and relationships hasn't been that great. There is only one guy that I have been texting on Messenger, matched first on Facebook dating, that has sent the same message to me. Other guys I've texted seem mixed and some guys I'm not interested in text me. My new guy that I matched on Facebook repeatedly asked how my days were and tried to get to know me. It was a good thing to say. Both have a similar open learning disability. The new guy stood out from the rest of the guys I texted, but I stopped. By the way, I've noticed that a lot of guys with learning disabilities or learning difficulties may just be immature or mature. Is despondent in personality. My interests are dancing, bowling, video games, watching YouTube, watching ducks , photography and board games. I'm 24 but the new guy is 20. What do you think? In addition to being attracted to young men, I've also grown to appreciate older men who are older than me. But I've grown out of being attracted to older men. I was attracted to older men, but now I'm not. Age shouldn't really matter when it comes to dating or relationships. Anyone can be immature or mature. Is it more about how they are in their personalities that makes them mature or immature? What should I do? I seem to be more attracted to younger men than older men. I also had previous relationships with guys that were younger than me? Additionally, I look younger than my actual age because I have a baby face. I had 9 ex boyfriends.

anisty

Do you have a good relationship with your parents - i would think they are the best people to look after your well being as they know you and you're still young.


If not parents - siblings, aunt - other family member.   I bet you have someone in your family that wants to look out for you.

Splatmate24

@anisty. nope my parents are not as good that now that i'm 24 year old and i'm the middle child that get ignore most of time part from if tea . they both has rubbish dating advice . when i do ignore them then they try to talk me and take me out for walks and going out . i then i get annoyed . my mum used all the tricks on me and has bump into me multiple. i also only live my younger sister but she also is not help with same parents and take there time more .   i don't have real friends . not sure about other family members .

Stellar

with regards to the maturity of men, a lot of them have been sheltered from the consequences of the behaviour. this is due4 to toxic masculinity and affects men both disabled and not. and for disabled men in particular their disabilities are used as an excuse (ie. "he dosen't understand, he's autistic"). there's not much you can do other than avoid them.

also regarding the whole not matter thing, it does matter to a point. the men who are significantly older than you (ie. over 20 years or so) are predators. do not engage them. they do not have your best interests at heart. maturity dosent come into it.

if you can meet men in person, that'd be much better. especially if you are just friends first.

online dating in general is trash and because of the lack of community oversight people can be toxic with no consequences. this is before all of the ghosting and overly sexual behaviour.

Splatmate24

@Stellar . I met men Thar are immature in real life too .  Both thing are trash then . I kept meeting taken men . Rude men .  Most of real men just want nothing do with me . They don’t even approach anymore part from  bad guys that will be only guys to be approached and I’m not interested. I also has try to approach guys but hasn’t lead any where but just friends. Real life can be just trash as online dating ,

L_Volunteer

It sounds like you have been experiencing a lot of meeting the 'wrong' men for you @Splatmate24. Though, it is really positive you are keeping your boundaries in place and taking care of yourself. 

As you say, it is really good and a green flag when they take time to try to get to know you. You are valuable and it works both ways, they need to show interest in you too (one of them green flags).

You mentioned one of them got angry. Would you feel comfortable sharing a little more with us about what this looked like for you? I just want to make sure I hear you as clearly as I can.

I will try to answer all of your questions in turn. In terms of your question, I feel like you can only know the difference between a guy being young and a man who is more mature through discussion, knowing their age and time.

You also mentioned the new guy stood out from the rest of the guys you texted but you stopped. What does stopping look like for you and what was your thought process behind this?

I don't think there is necessarily a problem with 4 years between you. However, people do mature at different rates (even at the same age!) so this might be worth keeping in mind, particularly as maturity is something that's important to you.

As you said, one of the factors impacting maturity is personality. More so than age sometimes too. There are also many other things impacting maturity but you seem really mindful of this.

Please don't hesitate to let us know if you want to talk this through further or need any specific support. We are all here for you and listening to you, helping you to navigate this and ensuring you're not alone 

Splatmate24

@L_Volunteer. one of guys that i was texting on facbook but they both stopped texting . one them kept saying that im sorry ii been very busy and stooped it . he did stand out from rest but not enough went back to same type of men that will sometimes text me and other times hasn't being too busy with work .  some other dating sites that i did were autism dating apps hiki got reject there and has be friend zone more . i saw is lot more with some men that have a learning disability that i don't seem to act their own age . guys that did message me for some guys on scope on them got mad since he was 60 year old and wasn't interested in dating or being in relationship with a very large age gap . 5 years is OK but i can't seem to get guys that are age 30 that are not overly confident,disrespectful to member of staff and being disrespectful to women .  men that can't understand what no means . i think men are immature .