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Help me understand a woman with PDA and dating her
Hello, I am interested in learning more about a woman with PDA and have some questions.
I have previously dated this woman, starting from July and taking a break for a couple of months. We started seeing each other again from February.
I really want to understand her better, and I consider myself a very understanding, accepting, and patient person. We don't talk about the future or the past, and my intention is to have a romantic relationship. I believe she would like to see where things go as well, but we cannot discuss it. I want to ask her about it, but I know it would be a demand and expectation that would not give a positive response.I can live with not discussing it and let time show where things lead, but it's not easy to navigate.
Right now, we are focusing on building trust in our relationship, and that's fine with me, but I find it difficult to navigate her changing moods. Sometimes she is very open, and other times she is closed off.
For example, she wrote that she hoped she would feel better for her meeting, and I asked her which meeting it was for, but she didn't respond, which is fine in principle, but I don't understand what depends on the change. She usually answers, and when it comes to trust, I can feel it's an attack on me, and thoughts like "Have I done something since she doesn't want to tell me?" can come up. I am spending time reading about PDA, and I read that it's good to give choices, so I asked her, "May I ask a question?" which she answered no to. It developed into her attacking me, feeling misunderstood, feeling like there is too much focus on her, etc. Should I take it personally?
She also writes that she understands why I feel overlooked and understands me, but I don't feel that in the situation. I understand with my question that it was a wrong approach since she can feel it as a threat, an expectation to answer, a demand, etc. I wrote some long messages trying to explain, show my understanding and acceptance of the situation, and she ends up getting anxious and stressed. I feel frustrated that I can't explain myself because she can make assumptions about situations that I don't agree with. Now I am left with irritation, feeling misunderstood and unheard.
She is also going through a hard time, have the flue, feels burned out at the moment so there are many things that can trigger her and she can unmask, and I wish she would tell me how she feels because I don't know if it's because of those things or something else, and I can't even ask her because then it's a question that can create pressure.
I also cannot judge whether I appear weak by conceding and saying I understand, and I will implement it, or if it's better to express my frustration. I only want to appear understanding and show her that I accept her feelings and frustrations, that I listen to what she says, that I don't want to focus on her, and I don't want her to perceive me as weak. I hope she understands that I mean it with respect. She is not a friend or a child, but a grown woman, and I want to learn how to balance when to stand up for myself, express myself, and when to show understanding, acceptance, and "surrender."
For those of you in a relationship with a woman with PDA or for women, how do you balance your understanding while still expressing your dissatisfaction with a situation?
I hope you understand what I'm asking for, even between the lines.
Thanks in advance.
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