assistance and guidance please: complex PTSD/ADHD/Autism

in_other_news

i'm the parent of an adult son, whos been diagnosed with ADHD, Autism and Complex PTSD ( the later arising out of domestic trauma/mental abuse/ corrosive domestic environment ). blame for the complex PTSD is directed towards mother and indirectly myself for not preventing it. ( his behaviour over many years has been challenged as being bullying - and i feel a somewhat circular experience between them - with hindsight the autism/adhd traits are a factor as is the anxiety disorder my wife has )

my view is that calling it abuse, and the nature of it is an extreme characterisation (* I grew up with far worse mentally and physically, so struggle with the term 'abuse' ) - however the diagnosis is real and the consequences are material and I accept the situation.  

he is currently at university, where he has been for over 18mths with two exceptions of a week where my wife and i left home to allow him to be at home ( when he switched university ) and Christmas . he refuses to have any contact with his mother.

he is approaching the end of term/year and will need to return home for 2 months+ or be homeless. he has explained the complex PTSD and the potential triggers ( wife ) make it very difficult/challenging and is asking me to make arrangements to allow him to do so safely.

I am trying to do this, however it is not possible for us to move out for this period of time, and he is asking for phased support/alterations and alterations to allow him to return.  Im not sure what this would be - other than to limit the contact/proximity ( by one or other of them not being at home for periods ) - can anyone advise what else I should be considering ?

I would be at work in the week, with my wife likely at home during the week - leaving them together in the home - and potentially at risk of falling out with each other.

he has articulated the complete avoidance/lack of interaction as key. he does not want to stay somewhere else, just as my wife does not want to stay somewhere else. ( its somewhat intractable )

I also need to research complex ptsd to understand the challenges returning to the environment and proximity - so that I can consider this phased approach and alterations. ( I cannot find much to review other than medical/academic research papers ) - can anyone suggest sources to understand the condition and approaches to supporting treatment as he describes ?

apologies for the long winded post - i felt it was important to set the context as best I could.  Any advice on how to progress the situation is gratefully received.

Cher_Alumni

Hello @in_other_news

Thank you for telling us about your current situation, the context really does help get a better grasp of where you're at today. I'm sorry it's in these difficult circumstances you find us.

My immediate thought was if there's any clinical or professional input in respect of a practitioner involved in your son's mental health care? If so, have they put worked on a plan to safely manage his conditions during this time at home, and is he able to communicate these to you? Does he have a crisis plan also?

In terms of sources of support, I'd recommend MIND's webpages around Complex PTSD, whilst it could also be worth speaking with an organisation who specialise in this area - for instance:

• PTSD UK - Supporting someone with C-PTSD
• ASSIST Trauma Care

I've moved your thread to our Mental health category and would welcome any suggestions members with experience of C-PTSD might have to make this time less challenging for you.

Take care.