I am at my wits end. No idea what to do anymore.

Ilove2crochet

My son is 6 and seems like he has a split personality. At home, he listens and is very good. Always kind, polite.. completely different to how he is at school and around children. When we go to soft play, he always (and I mean always), cries saying X and Y are horrible, X is playing with Y and He does not want him to play with anyone else... then he cries and kicks off and just completely embarrasses me in front of everyone. EVERY single children are playing bar him. One little thing that goes wrong, he makes such a HUGE deal about it and in the end, I have to get out of there. Never at softplay for more than an hour.

At school his behaviour is something else as well. He is always getting angry with other children, always hitting out and cannot keep still..  generally very unsettled. I have tried reward charts, talking to him, just having a one on one proper chat about how he feels... nothing has worked. He cannot sit and listen to a story so they take him outside to run around at the end of the school day. If someone else he is playing with, plays with another person, he gets grumpy/angry. If he is around other children outside or at school, then it makes my life an absolute misery because someone always says something ie he has hit someone, he shouted, been mean.

With both his dad and I, he is different. With other adults, he is different. He does not seem to enjoy any child of his own age, company. He only likes company of us or other adults.

The school thing though, I cannot stand it. I am getting called all the time about it and he starts crying and screaming as soon as the teacher calls me over because he knows she is going to tell me he has been naughty. I try my best to discipline by explaining what he did was wrong and he is not going to watch TV or play on his PlayStation. I am stern and I am doing my hardest. We read books about how important it is to be kind, hands are not for hitting, you must always help, be kind.. honestly every day I am explaining that all of this is so important. But the following day at school, I get called in again so it never works.

They evaluated him at school and there is nothing wrong with his speech and understanding.. he knows exactly what he is doing. So they have called in an educational psychologist and waiting for them to assess him for that. Otherwise I am literally all on my own. I don't know what to do anymore. Deep down he is probably autistic but what can I do then? Changing schools not an option because I do not want him to feel like he is different from the rest of them. 

Ilove2crochet

He cannot handle loud sounds either. If children are screaming, he will clutch his ears and really start to cry. Which is why I am thinking he is probably autistic.

Adrian_Scope

Hello @Ilove2crochet

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with your son's behavior, and I can imagine how challenging this must be for you as a parent. I have three children ranging from teenager down to 4, and all with their own very different needs. 

It sounds like you've tried a lot of different approaches to address his behaviour, and I know how frustrating it can be that nothing seems to be working. I've had many a time where I've felt alone and unsure of what to do next to better support each of them. 

Obviously I've never met your son, but since your son is struggling more in environments outside of the home, I'm wondering if he is perhaps becoming overstimulated? Do the school offer him much additional support at the moment? Have they looked out to see what sort of things might be triggering your son's reactions? The SENCO at your son's school should be able to look at ways they can better support him. 

It's good to hear that your son is being evaluated by an educational psychologist. This is an important step in both the school and you understanding his behavior and getting the support that he needs.

I'd also say it's important to take care of yourself during this time. Parenting can be overwhelming, and it's okay to ask for help or take a break when you need it. How are you coping with it all and do you have much support around you? 

Finally, it's important to keep in mind that behavior is often a form of communication. When your son acts out, it may be a way of expressing his feelings of frustration, anxiety, or overwhelm. It's important to validate his feelings and help him find healthy ways to express them.

Ipsea might be of use to you in terms of discussing what other support the school could offer your son. He doesn't need to have any formal diagnosis for support in school.

With regards to his possible autism, have you thought about looking into arranging an assessment for him? 

MarieBarl

It could well be worth asking for an assessment for your son. Even if he is not on the spectrum, something else may well come out of it and you will find you are not alone. 

I worked for a while in preschool play many years ago in an area with a high demand for places for children with difficulties. It wasn't just that the children needed the place. Parents and siblings needed the space and relief it created, often finding unexpected support among other families.

You are not alone. (Plus you can always come here to vent when it feels like too much)

Ilove2crochet

Hi all thank you for your replies sorry I have taken so long coming back on here. It is getting worse and we had the educational psychologist out to evaluate him. We will not hear for a few weeks about what plan they need to put in place. I have ran out of options on how to discipline and try and teach him good behaviour. At school when he knows he has been naughty, he now tells the teachers that I am horrible to him and always shout at him and take his tv and xbox away when he has been naughty, which I admitted to them of course I do.. what else am I supposed to do otherwise? I am really at the end of my tether now I just have zero energy to even bother anymore if I am honest. Where do I go from here? Should I get in touch with a behavioural therapist for him? Contact the GP? What do I do now?

Alex_Alumni

Hello @Ilove2crochet and thanks for your update, I would echo others here and encourage you to look into getting an autism assessment for your son. Often having a diagnosis opens up a lot more in terms of support, both for him and for you. See if you can speak to your GP about it? 

You might also like to look into whether Scope's family services might be able to offer you any ongoing support, even if it's just emotional support for yourself, that matters too. 

Ilove2crochet

Alex_Scope said:

Hello @Ilove2crochet and thanks for your update, I would echo others here and encourage you to look into getting an autism assessment for your son. Often having a diagnosis opens up a lot more in terms of support, both for him and for you. See if you can speak to your GP about it? 

You might also like to look into whether Scope's family services might be able to offer you any ongoing support, even if it's just emotional support for yourself, that matters too. 

Who do I go to? Do I tell my GP or the school nurse? I honestly have no idea about any of thos but something has to be done ASAP. 

Alex_Alumni

This guide on the NHS website might help @Ilove2crochet: How to get diagnosed as autistic

You can go to your doctor, or the SENCO at your son's school.