Needing advice please how do I coax my 17 year old daughter outside

System

This discussion was created from comments split from: My son has autism and I can't get him to leave t he house anymore. It's affecting all of us.

pollykelly

River said:

Needing advice please how do i coax a 7 year old boy with high functioning autism out of the front door thanks

I know it’s nearly two years on but just googled this issue as I’m having a similar issue with my much older (17) daughter
10 weeks since she’s been out.
is your son going out now, if so what coaxed him out?

Hannah_Alumni

Hello @pollykelly

Welcome to the community, I hope you are well? 

Just to let you know, I split your comment from it's previous thread and created a new one, as the thread you had commented on was an older one.

As others had previously suggested, seeing if she wants to go somewhere she loves may be a great starting point. Sometimes, having the route planned out will help too. 

Do you know why she doesn't want to leave the house? 

pollykelly

Hi Hannah, ironically my daughters name!
it’s impossible to say, she’s got autism, LD, anxiety, she’s had issues with eating (she gained 4 stone in lockdown and then lost 6 stone in a year)
she’s essentially non verbal so she can’t communicate what’s going on in her head but it started with OCD rituals that meant everything took so long so she was often late for school or going anywhere.
its 11 weeks this week since she’s been out, I think, I lose track.
she lays in bed all day, hard to motivate her to get up and get food, she rejects food until she is ready to eat which could be 6/7pm so it means she’s up late and then the cycle of sleeping in starts again.

Hannah_Alumni

@pollykelly

It's the best name!

Have you spoken with her GP or specialist / consultant about the eating? They may be able to advise on something to help her get into a better routine and then hopefully motivate her to leave the house more. 

Do you have a garden? As the weather gets nicer that may be something that could help too. What kind of hobbies or interests does she have or did she before she felt unmotivated? 

pollykelly

GP is aware, but aren’t involved as such as we have CAMHS involved, plus direct payment worker and family support worker from social services supporting.
she has been on Sertraline and recently started risperidone, which hasn’t helped much tho her eating and weight has stabilised so that’s a relief.
we have a garden but she won’t even sit downstairs let alone go in the garden.
she stays in bed (my bed?!) and goes to bathroom, and to kitchen occasionally, that’s it.
her hobbies are limited, she has a tablet but atm only wants it late at night.
she has a children’s dvd playing on loop and Alexa playing radio 2 all day!

Hannah_Alumni

It does sound like she has created a safe space bless her. Maybe CAMHS could help suggest something?

I've done some googling and there are a huge list of resources on the Autistic Girls Network. I also found a thread similar to your query on the National Autistic Society forum. Which you may find useful to read. 

pollykelly

Thank you, I’ll take a look

L_Volunteer

How are things for you at the moment @pollykelly? As a fellow autistic, I can only echo what has already been said. The most important thing is to work out why she doesn't want to go out. Once you know why she doesn't want to go out, you can put strategies in place to make things more manageable for both of you.

Also, if you can go to the places she enjoys, at least if she doesn't want to go anywhere she will have some interest or satisfaction from having gone somewhere she enjoys / will like. More support sounds preferable too! So sorry you and your daughter are not receiving the support you need and deserve. 

For example, if she is staying in your bed, is she wanting that close attachment with you - could you go places together? Please don't hesitate to let us know if you would like to talk about this further or if there's anything else we can do to support you 

pollykelly

Hi
things are much the same, 12 weeks on.
my daughter is non verbal mostly, so it’s impossible to pinpoint why she doesn’t want to go out or even downstairs.
it mostly started with her controlling her eating, losing 6 stone, then her OCD and anxiety kicked in.
school nurse was dismissive of weight loss saying she was still overweight, which she was but she was missing the point that she was barely eating at all.
CAMHS didn’t start meds until after she’d stopped leaving the house, I feel all the help is too little too late
shes currently in bed refusing any food or drink so far, it’s 430pm

pollykelly

She’s also broken my divan bed, which is going to be so difficult to replace with a stronger bed as she never leaves bed

L_Volunteer

You are doing so well keeping us in the loop with how things are @pollykelly. If your daughter is non-verbal, is she giving you any non-verbal cues about when she is happy/not happy? As a parent, are you able to piece together any similar past events and why this might be the case? I can hear this is difficult for you to identify but I am wondering if there is a cue of some sort which might help. You know her best (other than her knowing herself best).

As you say, weight loss needs to be managed in a considerate weight and barely eating is not good for anyone no matter their weight. You have mentioned controlling her eating – anxiety + OCD, could this also be anxiety + OCD – controlling eating? Many autistic people struggle with eating when they are also struggling with anxiety and OCD.

It sounds like you largely feel stranded with no support. How are the meds going so far at the moment and are they offering any additional support for anxiety and OCD? We could look at some potential options for support for anxiety and OCD if this is something you would like us to do. I would say autism too but I can see Hannah has already signposted you to some resources for autism.

Please do not hesitate to let us know if anything, in particular, would be helpful. I know you feel it is too late as your daughter is already not leaving the house now but we are listening to you if we can help. You don't have to face this alone, at the very least 

pollykelly

Hi
its impossible to say why she’s unhappy/anxious.
she used to enjoy going to school and being out generally.
in fact we always used to have to go out even if it was just for a drive if we had nothing planned as she would get upset staying in.
we used to go swimming Sunday, most  day in holidays, activity centre and pub lunch/dinner.
Now I can barely get her out of bed
I don’t  feel the meds are doing anything, she’s been on Sertraline for about 12 weeks and Risperidone for about a month and she’s more reclusive than ever.

surfygoose

A lot of people got out of the way of going out because of covid restrictions and really struggled to get back in to doing those things. Just wondering has she been back to her activities and been enjoying them since covid or has she been doing consistently less than before covid even when the restrictions lifted? It took a couple of my friends a very long time to get used to the idea of going out again after covid. After shielding for so long I found that everything was more overwhelming in the outside world than before.

pollykelly

Maybe that has something to do with it in one way, although she was happy to go back to school and we did go out driving in lockdown as she really didn’t like being stuck in.
Long Covid has been mentioned as the weight loss started just after she had Covid in March 2022.
with someone who is non verbal it’s so hard to pinpoint whether it’s long Covid or generalised mental health/anxiety etc

Hannah_Alumni

Were CAMHS able to suggest anything @pollykelly? 

pollykelly

I’ve a phone review with CAMHS psychiatrist tomorrow so I’ll see what they say

Hannah_Alumni

Keep us updated I hope the phone review goes well! 

pollykelly

Yesterday I sent a video of Hannah’s repetitive behaviour to CAMHS psychologist.
she replied saying that as Hannah’s MH has deteriorated so much they had discussed in their team whether a hospital admission would be appropriate.
they want to avoid this so are referring her to the autism learning disability liaison team that could support us to support Hannah at home.
This could include nursing care so I could return to work

surfygoose

That sounds positive that they are looking to put in more support at hone and to try their best to avoid a hospital admission.

L_Volunteer

That is interesting @pollykelly – I am particularly questioning what might have changed in between!  Especially as she used to prefer going out than staying in  

How do you feel the CAMHs’ support went? Hopefully, they can support Hannah at home, rather than a hospital admission. Do you know when you might know for sure?