Why does my mum think the man I have been texting is unsafe while he has autism and ADHD?

Splatmate24

Whenever I text a man, my mother might think he's unsafe. The only guy I've texted has autism and ADHD. As a result of the unusual question, my mother thought he was not safe. However, I said he seemed to be doing okay but asked a very intense question about what should not be done on a first date. It was not normal on a date for him to assume I would be picked up by him. However, I replied to him that my mum will be drop me off and standing next to me for safe reason. My mother will also pick me up. i was taking a break from online dating and mum said that he one guy might be unsafe and i said to her it is going to take me a long time to find a new man to get a relationship with or to meet up with one men . I just set up a one-time meetup and first date in June Whenever I meet up with some men I met online, my mother always goes with me to public places. is a public park is ok . is near my town, so that is what i do and always let my a trust adult know about meeting up .[Removed by moderator: location] A café is also located inside of the park, which is public cafe what do you about this one men that might be unsafe or not ?  maybe is to do with autism and adhd could be the reason he asked some intense question

surfygoose

What was the question that he asked if you don’t mind saying?
I have autism and actually I did ask my girlfriend some questions before our first date because I like to understand rules so I don’t get anything wrong, so I’m wondering if he’s just trying to make sure he gets everything right. For instance I asked before my first date in a text message if she would prefer for me to just say hello when we met up or to shake her hand or to hug her in greeting. I wouldn’t know how to work out which one to do so I was honest and asked her because I wanted to do the thing that made her most comfortable. That worked out for us and still works. We’ve been together for just over a month now and we both agree to ask each other questions and to be honest if we don’t understand something because it saves silly misunderstandings.
it’s definitely a good idea arranging safe meet-ups like you do, getting dropped off by your mum and telling people where you are going. If he did ask about picking you up he was perhaps thinking that was a nice thing to offer. As long as he was ok that you said you will come with your mum instead then I don’t think it’s a problem that he offered, as long as he respected your wishes when you told him. He wouldn’t have had a way of knowing until you told him.
I think it’s totally normal for mum’s to want to make sure we are safe . They are always going to be protective and be cautious about us meeting new people. It’s good to be cared about by our mum’s. People that don’t have that always feel sad to not have a loving parent looking out for them.

Splatmate24

@surfygoose some question were about radio in the cars . one question was about swimming and i only ask some question that i noticed that some men stopped texting but then reply back again and did noticed some girls did stopped texting and just die . the only two question about I'm not that girl to do this on first date . the other  was about to assume he would pick me up but i text back that mum will be dropping me off and picking me up .only the two that mum seem to think might unsafe and also got another verbal about online safe even know i done through college and high school . i met on a dating sites called freedating.co.uk

surfygoose

Did the two of you decide to go ahead with meeting up? Is your mum going to take you?

Splatmate24

@surfygoose yep the meetup is going to happen June 8  yep my mum will be taking me 

surfygoose

That’s good. I hope you have a really nice time and good to go together with your mum for safety just in case. Have you still been chatting lots with him?

Splatmate24

@surfygoose i been texting most time and sometimes bit  a break . not metup yet .

Alex_Alumni

Hello @Splatmate24

We just want to let you know we’ve edited your comment because it contained details on your location. To help keep everyone safe online, and for more information about why we removed this, please consider our online community house rules.

I hope the date in June goes well for you!  

Splatmate24

@Alex_Scope

 that wasn't my location that was just part of one area  that is near me , is ok. that I live near but is was town name . the other player did text back but I'm not interested and rejected and put him in the friendzone .  i also men from USA from facebook that went to fast and to did all the red flags that to get married and move in seem to be   very fast men . type of way and i did blocked him . i seem to get a lot men from USA that seem to be more weird then one from England ,

Hannah_Alumni

@Splatmate24 We would still want to remove the location as it's identifiable to you and we want to make sure you are safe There was an article released by the FBI about romance scams in the USA that I'd encourage you to read. It is becoming a problem over in the USA when using social media for dating. 

Stellar

there's a few things about your thread @Splatmate24 that stick out here:

Many men will take advantage of women they date - this does happen when meeting strangers on dating apps. this especially applies to disabled women.

an unwritten rule that neurotypical women learn is that all men are a potential danger due to predatory behaviour of a few - this can include physical and sexual violence. hence the need to always be wary of them especially if you don't know them well.

this is the case regardless of disability. men with autism and adhd can be very nasty people (and often hide behind their disabilities to dodge accountability). i know this from my own experience.

in your specific situation, the discussion about your date picking you up is a potential red flag - you'd be in his vehicle and that'd be the best environment for him to harm you if he wanted to. although i hope for your sake he isn't.

you don't seem to be aware of any of the above - that's why your mum is worried and assuming all your dates are a potential threat and why she wants to drop you off and pick you up.

she's right to do so, but it sounds like she hasn't communicated all this directly to yo. especially because you're autistic and likely need to be told directly, hence why I'm telling you.

also regarding your location being removed - you have posted about your rough area on here in other threads before and it wasn't removed.

I don't live too far from you and I remember the name of a place you go to in one of those previous threads (you're also a regular on this forum and we've interacted before, that's how i remember you).

and if i can do that, someone with bad intentions - ie. one of those men your mum is worried about you dating - can as well. Especially if they find out other details about you like your real name, any groups you go to as well as your hometown.

That's why the Scope mods are trying to protect you by removing anything referencing your location (and that's also why I'm not naming the place or thread i remember, even though you likely won't understand unless i did).

with all that said, best of luck on the date

Splatmate24

@Stellar yep I know all about the online safety  and i don't live any near these two areas . i know men can be abuse ,toxic, verbal abuse and already been through toxic men , verbal abuse men that has a type of learning disabilities. yep even creep men that also has learning disabilities that i was friends with but did blocked him since he made me uncomfortable  and no to each  inappropriate question about sex but i said kept no and did blocked him  I don't have autism but some people that did  assume that i got autism and assume that i was blind . but i said no and said i will be dropping off with my mum and will be going with her to meetup with him and will I be going in my mum to the park . yep i still know about location to and has wells of romance scam . I only met on nasty person that turn to be a toxic but only learning disabilities hat he did was type of autism but is PDA  i was one that broke up from text since i didn't feel anything else . other guys that i met that has type autism hasn't be that nasty to me or anyone . they might shout more but think is kinds assuming that all autism men are nasty  that seem to stereotype. but that my mum every single time with any men that i met off from online dating like the last men that did have a learning disabilities but she said he was not good ideal and you kept him as friends since he be texting   multiple women and be in relationship and now creating new facebook account and statues said single but the new men that i been texting just through he was assume to pick up but i said no and said i be going in car with me instead and be next to my mum when get to the park and he respect that and said ok . i also be thought a lot toxic women and girls  that also has learning disabilities and that why i don't some social events and as well has previous experince with being cheated some previous old boyfriend .

Splatmate24

@Hannah_Scope that ok but i still don't live anywhere near there . i seen romance scam about and heard about . as well i don't like snapchat and be watching some youtube series called catch a cheater and seen people getting scam on youtube with romance scam and just normal scam but seem to get a lot NFWC scam .as of two type scam by email and one by text scam ,.

L_Volunteer

As you have highlighted @Splatmate24, people can be harmful with/without diagnoses. If they make you feel uncomfortable, your mum has every right to be concerned - she cares about you, even if it is not always shown as care.

How are you feeling going with your mum to make sure you are safe? Your safety matters to us and so do you, your thoughts and feelings. As people say, no one will ever be good enough for your parents as you matter most to them.

What matters most is that you feel safe and comfortable. Keep watching out for the green flags - they matter because they are individualised to you and what you need/want. Please don't hesitate to let us know if you wish to talk about any of this further or if we can do anything to support you 

Splatmate24

@L_Volunteer I knew lot from college  that did online safe and did has some police to come and talk about dangers on internet and social media . my mum always very much safety just seem to be only me when comes to dating and seem to judge guys more about that could has a learning disabilities . did talk about some men might one try force you to get a NSFW picture . my mum always repeat every single time when i messaging any other men that i did metup did all the same . talking to her always is very much harder with me . i did ask two of my sister and said you do has same problem of me when comes to dating with our mum and my older sister no i don't have any problems with dating or relationship with our mum and did ask my little sister said i don't have any problems with dating or relationship when comes to our mum . both of my sister are in a relationship . i think one of my sister might have type of autism