is bullying normal?

forthaven

I am posting this as I really need some advice.

I have been over many years building up my portfolio of website and graphical work. I have been involved with IT related matters for many years, but one thing has happened to me over and over, which I am struggling with.

Put simply, I have had violent threats directed towards me, more than once- most recently, this was someone I was working with, who said in no uncertain terms (after being abusive to me) that he had been 'talking down' people in the local community against hurting me. This was in email, i have it in writing.

This 'community' im talking about is a music related one. Which, I think, is actually very toxic, and has driven other people over the edge. Be that as it may, I am obviously an adult with Autism, and people are aware of that. However, the threats and abuse i have recivied are next level stuff. Some of it involving people coming up to me in the street and shouting at me, as well as being told where I can and cant go by others, with all sorts of threats attached (some of it legal). 

The point is this really. I might disagree with people at times, but I do not in any way deserve to be treated this way becuase I am neurodivergent, and not originally from the city I live in (depsite living here for 18 years). I do have some support, but threats of violence and intimidation have caused me serious upset and limited what I can do, and where I can go, and I dont feel safe. Its not paranoia, if they really are out to get you- and in my case, this is true.

add into that, the strguggles i have had in the workplace- some of it discriminatory and illegal (but thats another story) it just makes life seem not worth living at times.

I just wonder if other people with Autism Spectrum Disorder have had any similar experiences and what you did about it? I feel so alone becuase I am, and stuck not being able to reconcile, I am simply treated as someone deserving of isolation, and no consideration whatsoever. 

I am sometimes very fourthright in my views- but this is simply who I am, and its not any reason to recive this sort of treatment I dont think. Maybe Im wrong?

Hannah_Alumni

Hello @forthaven

I am so sorry that you have been going through such a tough time. Please look out for an email from us at Scope and hopefully we will be able to help support you  

Cher_Alumni

Hi @Zeisel

I'm sorry to hear you've been affected by this too. Just to reinforce, that if anyone ever feels their safety is compromised, to ring 999 immediately. We want you all to keep as safe as possible.

I'm going to be sending you a little email shortly @Zeisel so please keep an eye on your inbox. 

MW123

Hello forthaven

Bullying and threats is not considered normal or acceptable behaviour in any setting. I am really sorry to read that you are experiencing such a difficult situation. 

Expressing your views openly is perfectly acceptable, but it does not always ensure unanimous agreement. Nevertheless, the response you're receiving from this community is abnormal. Such reactions, as you've described, should never be encountered. 

If the current community continues to exhibit toxicity and mistreatment, despite your efforts to address the problem, it may be important to consider separating yourself from it. Look for an alternative music community that encourages support, respect, values your opinions, and is open to mature conversations and debates. Find a community that really appreciates your musical talent.

OverlyAnxious

forthaven said:

I am sometimes very fourthright in my views- but this is simply who I am, and its not any reason to recive this sort of treatment I dont think. Maybe Im wrong?

When it's happening with more than one person, it does sound like you might be accidentally offending people without realising it.  Maybe consider if any of your views are sexist or racist or homophobic for example?

It definitely isn't ok for people to go around threatening you.  But equally it isn't ok for you to go around making people feel uncomfortable or excluded either.


As has been mentioned above though, people with ND's often appear visually different as well, and perhaps 'weaker' than people without ND's.  This can create a bad situation because it makes the other person feel as if they have all the power and control, and like there's nothing that you could ever do to them in retaliation.  Sadly, this is a situation I've experienced quite a few times.  It's very obvious that I'm not any sort of physical threat at all, so I have had to be very careful not to say anything that can offend someone, even if they've misunderstood it.

Hannah_Alumni

Hello @wonkachoccamonster97

I am so sorry that you had to go through that. Communication in a relationship can be hard, let a lone when you feel you overthink at times and struggle to read people.

Just to reiterate, the community is not a dating website. Unless you mean general scammers? Which we have filters and moderation for. We work hard to keep the community as safe and supportive as possible